DTEB, “The Fine Art of Correcting Someone”
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” ( Galatians 6:1, English Standard Version)
Receiving correction from someone gracefully is never easy. Correcting someone else who needs to grow is never easy either. Giving good correction requires thought, practice, and the right mindset. Correcting someone else is an art. Indeed, it is a fine art.
A friend of mine is a supervisor. His boss wanted him to speak to some of his coworkers about some ways they could improve. My friend asked me if I had any tips. Here is what I wrote:
“When you need to give some difficult feedback to others, four things may help you. At least, they have helped me when I have actually done them.
I think you just helped me write today’s blog post!”
Paul reminded some folks in Galatia (part of what is now the country of Turkey) that they might need to correct someone, but they needed to do so in the right way. The goal is to “restore” or “mend” the person, not to harm them or prove that we are more “spiritual” than the other person is (whatever being “spiritual” might mean).
So, just for today, if you really do need to correct someone, keep these four suggestions in mind. Let me know if they work. Maybe I will use them more often myself.
Our trip to England has been wonderful. We’ve seen so many stunningly beautiful things—ruined castles and abbeys, flowers everywhere. And we’ve enjoyed so much visiting with friends and chatting with random people we’ve met. I plan to enjoy our last few days here as well.
However, I am feeling out of whack. Why? I asked God and myself that very question this morning. The answer was profoundly simple: I am trying to enjoy myself rather than looking for opportunities to serve others. The privilege of serving is where the deepest joy is found.
So, today I am going to be on the lookout for chances to serve others. It doesn’t have to be anything profound. In fact, the simpler and smaller the better.
Also, when all is done and said, serving others enhances all other joys. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in England, or scrubbing your bathroom floor.
“3 1-2 So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.
3-4 Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.” (Colossians 3:1-4, The Message)
Love always identifies with whatever or whoever is the beloved. Do you love stuff? Then you identify with stuff? Do you love validation from others? Then that love becomes a part of your identity.
This is especially evident with parents. We identify with our children. It may not be an altogether healthy identification, but there it is. And it is (at least in part) an example of love identifying with what or who is loved.
The Bible—both the Old and New Testaments—indicates many things that are hard to believe. I am not now talking about garden-variety miracles such as feeding multitudes with a few fish and loaves or raising the dead. No, I am talking about a really big miracle: God’s miraculous identification with us in our sinfulness.
There are many things in the Bible that I have a hard time swallowing. One that always chokes me and chokes me up is that God not only loves sinners but also identifies with them. Ancient Israel was a bunch of rebellious sinners, like the rest of the world. Neither Moses nor the prophets were impressed with Israel. God didn’t pretend that the Israelites were a box of chocolates either.
But even though God disciplined his rebellious children severely, God never quite gave up on them. Instead, God identified with them. Isaiah, who points out that Israel is in exile because of their rebellion against God, also speaks repeatedly about God’s identification with Israel. For example,
“In all their affliction he was afflicted,
and the angel of his presence saved them;
in his love and in his pity he redeemed them;
he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.” (Isaiah 63:9, English Standard Version)
God’s identification with the sinners God loves is more than hinted at in the Old Testament. In the New Testament, God’s identification with this whole messed-up species that calls itself homo sapiens (“knowing man”) becomes a laser-like focus in Jesus Christ. He hung around with sinners all the time and was criticized for it. The religious sinners were his most merciless critics. Of course, we always are, aren’t we!
At the cross, Identifying Love showed itself as Redeeming Love. The One who had hung out with sinners was now hung out to dry—or rather, hung out to die.
And die he did. But there is a persistent rumor that he did not stay dead for long. Yes, I know that is hard to believe, isn’t it? But there are many of us who do believe it. On my better days, I do too. On my worse days, I don’t believe much of anything. Sorry, but that is true.
And, according to the Apostle Paul, when Jesus came out of the tomb we came out with Jesus. Identifying Love had so identified with us that we have already died, been buried, and been raised from the dead. It is not first and foremost about us identifying with Jesus. No, it is first and foremost about God’s identification with us in Christ.
So what do I do in the light of God’s identification with me and with the whole human race? There are many responses to such loving identification. One is simple gratitude. God, thank you, thank you, thank you, for identifying with me. Another response is to keep pursuing Christ. The verb in Colossians 3:1 that speaks of “seeking” or “pursuing” Christ is in the present tense. In the Greek language of New Testament times, the present tense suggests an ongoing, repetitive, life-style choice. We don’t “have” Christ in the way that we “have” objects that we can put in some drawer and dig out (if we can find him) when we need him. Christ is to be sought on an everyday and every-moment basis.
And there are the choices we make every day. Paul talks about those choices in the rest of the book of Colossians: such choices as telling the truth, being sexually pure, and forgiving others. A friend of mine pointed out that, on average, every person makes 35,000 choices every day.
The first choice of this and every day should be to dare to believe in the identifying love of God. That same daring choice should infuse the other 34,999 choices with meaning.
Stewart Rhodes, the founder of Oath Keepers, was sentenced to eighteen years in prison for his role in planning the January 6, 2021 attack on the U.S. capitol. When he was allowed to speak at his sentencing, he compared himself to Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, a political prisoner for many years because of his opposition to Joseph Stalin. Rhodes claimed that he would be “an American Solzhenitsyn.”
I haven’t read a lot of Solzhenitsyn and have to look up his name every time to get the spelling correct. His books are as vast and sprawling as the Soviet Union itself was back in the day. However, I do remember one thing that he said:
“The line between good and evil runs not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either — but right through every human heart.”
If the line between good and evil runs through every human heart, then we all need to stop thinking that all our problems are “out there” and that they are caused by someone else. It isn’t the Republicans or the Democrats, Biden or Trump, who are causing my problems or ours. It is me, and it is the “us” that includes “me”.
One of the most profound human and political truths ever written was penned by the creator of a cartoon strip, “Pogo” for Earth Day in 1970: “We have met the enemy, and he is us.”
This is of course a play on a famous saying from The War of 1812. The United States Navy defeated the British Navy in the Battle of Lake Erie. Master Commandant Oliver Perry wrote to Major General William Henry Harrison, “We have met the enemy and they are ours.” However, in the form of a funny play on words is a truth as deadly as an assault rifle and as life-giving as the air we breathe: We are often our own worst enemies. Sometimes, we are our only enemies.
So, what is humility? It is recognizing the truth, as my brother used to say, “Ahh, I ain’t such a much.” None of us is such a much.
And yet, humility is very short supply these days in our county. I’m not sure that we even regard it as a virtue these days. Humility is so rare that it would be difficult to even recognize it. Humility is the persistent awareness that the line between good and evil is within each of us.
Here is the problem as I see it: It is so much easier to dwell on the evil in _________________. (Fill in the blank with your favorite, least-favorite person/group/ institution.) However, it is so much easier to call out the evils in others or in society than it is to face the evil within me. It’s more fun, too!
In the interest of full disclosure, I have my own least-favorites list, and it is a long one. I’m working on crossing off people, institutions, and events on that list, but it’s hard work. Nevertheless, I truly believe that there are only two kinds of people in the world—those who divide the world into two kinds of people and those who don’t.
See? I told you this is hard.
“We all stumble in many ways.” (James 3:2a, New International Version)
A friend of mine was confessing to me that he tends to beat himself up for the smallest of infractions. These infractions may require a powerful microscope to even see. They may in fact be imaginary. Still, the beatings continue. My reply to him was, to a great extent, me talking to myself.
“I have many of the same tendencies that you do. When I screw up—even a little and even when it may all be just in my head—I tend to go off on myself and off the good path. My perfectionism tends to make me much less perfect. An acquaintance told me decades ago that I ought to get off my own back. He was right back then. He still is.
I’ve heard it said, “Aim for the stars and you might hit the moon.” I think that a more realistic and helpful (though rather negative) saying might be, “Aim for the stars and you might hit rock bottom.” Perhaps it would be even more accurate to say, “Aim for the stars and you will hit rock bottom.” We were not made to aim for the stars in our lives. We were made to aim at and to walk on the earth in a humble and loving way. That is where our focus needs to be. That is where we need to be.”
Aspirations are all very well and good, except when they are not. Sometimes we just need to get off our own backs. Getting on our own backs takes way too much energy and flexibility anyway. And staying on our own backs just makes us swaybacked.
“Earned, Not Given” (Seen on a lady’s t-shirt while I was out for a run.)
“For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?” 1 Corinthians 4:7, English Standard Version)
Are good things earned or given? I can answer that question with absolute certainty. The answer is YES! And also, the answer is NO! My basic approach is, when you have an either/or question the answer is probably Sic et Non, yes and no. (Sincere apologies to the memory of Peter Abelard. Who is Peter Abelard, you ask? Well, that is a secret that you’ll need to figure out on your own time.)
Paul wrote at least three letters to a church that was a little too sure that they had it all together. Spoiler alert: They didn’t. He reminds these Jesus people in Corinth who had been given a lot of wonderful gifts that being wonderfully gifted means that you didn’t earn what you’ve got. A gift is a gift is a gift.
Now, it is true enough that earning and giftedness are not implacable enemies. One way to look at it is to say that we are given life, but we also need to live our life in a lively and healthy manner. If we don’t, it isn’t much of a gift or much of a life. I have a friend who is an excellent tennis player. He is gifted. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t need to keep himself in shape and practice.
If we don’t remember that all of life is a gift, we will become full of ourselves. And anyone who is full of him/herself is very empty indeed. On the other hand, anyone who doesn’t remember that gifts require hard, sustained work in order to develop and use his/her gifts is equally empty.
So, perhaps the shirt should have read: “Given and earned”.
“John 5:39 You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me,
John 5:40 yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.” (English Standard Version)
In this story from the Gospel according to John, Jesus is immersed in a controversy with some religious leaders who thought (and said) that Jesus was in the wrong because he had healed a lame man and then had told the formerly lame man to get up, pick up his sleeping mat, and walk. The healing wasn’t the problem, although at other times, Jesus was indeed accused of working on the Sabbath because Jesus healed people on the Sabbath. However, the problem in this story was that the man was carrying his mat on the Sabbath. That was work, and the Jewish leaders knew that the Torah forbade any and all work on the Sabbath.
The man who had been healed had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. For thirty-eight years his mat had been holding him. Now, he was holding it and walking. Was that work for this man? I have my doubts. I have a hunch that the former cripple was holding his mat close to his chest and dancing around with it. This reminder of what he used to be was now a beloved dance partner.
Now, allow me to come in with a word of commendation for Jesus’ opponents.
“Don’t you mean condemnation?”
No, I mean commendation. The Old Testament Law did indeed forbid any and all work on the Sabbath. This was absolutely clear to the Jewish teachers of the Law. They were trying to love God by keeping God’s Law quite strictly, and that can be a very good thing.
Here was the problem: The Old Testament does not spell out precisely what work is. So, the religious leaders helped God out by defining what work is. They wanted to be obedient to God and to love God in every corner of their lives, but they got out of focus. They began to put their interpretations of God’s Word above God’s Word itself.
But it may be even worse than that. If, as some of us believe, Jesus was God in the flesh, then the religious authorities were seriously out of focus. The One who had authored the Old Testament through humans and human words was standing in front of them as a human, but all they could see was a Sabbath-breaker.
However, before we get all high and mighty about these Jewish religious rule-makers, we had better take a long, hard look at ourselves. We all have interpretations of everything. We all sometimes elevate our interpretations to the level of Absolute Truth. Democrats do it, and so do Republicans. (Independents, too.) Men do it and also women. Atheists do it. Christians do it a lot. Getting out of focus is an incredibly human thing to do.
Getting out of focus is also an incredibly dangerous thing to do. When we can’t see things clearly, we are likely to stumble and fall. When we get out of focus, we can’t see God, other people, the world, or ourselves clearly. When we are certain that our interpretations and our rules should rule the world, we come unraveled and so does our world. Before too long, we can’t even walk. We become the invalid. Even worse, we become dead folks in need of life. Our rules are killing us and we don’t even know it.
So, just for today, I am challenging myself not to live by rules, but to live graciously and lovingly. Today, I will choose to refrain from judging and critiquing. Instead, I will choose to dance around with my mat. Who knows? I may discover that my real dance partner is God.
A friend of mine today wrote that he felt “. . . restless, irritable, and discontent, which is just as bad because I know where it leads . . . .”
I responded to him that it is wise to be concerned about feelings that can (and often do) lead us down a destructive path. However, no, I do not think that these feelings are “just as bad” as what those feelings might lead to. Thinking that feelings of restlessness, irritability, and discontent are just as bad as the actions that they can lead to has several problems.
1. When I take this approach, I frequently say to myself, “Oh, what the heck! Since these feelings are just as bad as actually doing things, I might as well just give into those feelings and act on them!” And actions that are based on such feelings rarely make things (or me or other people) better.
2. Everybody that I have ever known very well admits to these kinds of uncomfortable feelings. However, many of them did not act on their crazy or uncomfortable feelings. It seemed to me that, despite those feelings, they were about as well-adjusted as any members of our species ever are. Why? Because they did not act on these feelings. Feelings and actions are not the same thing.
3. I think that approaching such feelings as restlessness, irritability, and discontent with a “they-are-just-as-bad-as-acting-on-those-feelings” attitude can sometimes prevent us from considering and changing some things about ourselves that deserve consideration and need changing. Feelings of all kinds are friends who deserve our attention. If I ask myself why I am feeling irritable and what healthy things I can do to deal with it, that feeling of irritability can lead to positive change and growth, rather than to acting out and misery.
I also reminded my friend that pearls come from irritation. Apparently, oysters only secrete the substance that becomes a pearl when they ingest a stone or peace of sand that is irritating them. They create beauty to shield them from the irritant. Oysters know how to make good use of irritations. Perhaps you and I might learn something from the oysters.
And then, I concluded my email reply by saying, “I hope that my words have not irritated you. . . . Oh, on second thought . . . !”
I have had several irritations today. I hope I’m slowly making a pearl. I’ve also helped several people (especially my wife) with their pearl production. I don’t try to be a pearl-maker, but sometimes I may inadvertently help a little.
“Whatever is shameful to do you must not consider it honorable even to mention.” (Isocrates §15b)
“Eph. 5:11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” (English Standard Version)
One of the greatest wrongs we can commit is take anything or anyone out of context. Since I believe that the Bible is God’s written Word, I think that taking the Scriptures out of context is an especially serious matter.
I sometimes hear Ephesians 5:11 quoted in order to justify Christians speaking out concerning the evils we perceive in our own society or in the societies of other nations and people groups. If we only had this verse all by itself, that might be a good understanding of it. But this verse is not alone, and the other verses that surround it suggest that using this verse to justify speaking harshly to or about other groups is nearly the opposite of what this verse means. (Of course, we are never speaking harshly, are we? No, we are “just speaking the truth in love.” But then again, it might be wise to ask ourselves if that is what we are really doing.)
We exercise our “righteous” responsibility to call out evil in others toward all kinds of people: those who believe abortion is/is not a choice, those who believe that ownership of guns is an absolute right/those who don’t, and Republicans/Democrats, to name a few.
While it may indeed be important to speak up concerning evil, that is not the thrust of Ephesians 5:11. How do I know this? Context! I had a professor at Hebrew Union College many years, Dr. Isaac Jerusalmi, who used to say quite often “Context is everything!” Sometimes, he would just say or write on the board, “C.I.E.”
What is context? It can be looked at in many ways, but in this post, I am just looking at the literary context. In other words, I am examining the words surrounding Ephesians 5:11. Here are the verses that surround verse 11. I have italicized the words that I believe call into question the aforementioned interpretation of verse 11.
“Eph. 5:1 ¶ Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.
Eph. 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Eph. 5:3 ¶ But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.
Eph. 5:4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.
Eph. 5:5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Eph. 5:6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.
Eph. 5:7 Therefore do not become partners with them;
Eph. 5:8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light
Eph. 5:9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true),
Eph. 5:10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.
Eph. 5:11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.
Eph. 5:12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.
Eph. 5:13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible,
Eph. 5:14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
Eph. 5:15 ¶ Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,
Eph. 5:16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”
Did you notice that verse 11 is followed by verse 12? I don’t mean to insult your intelligence. It is an important question. Why? It is important because verse 12 says that it is a shame for us even to speak of the evil things that others do. So, to use verse 11 to justify us “calling out” evil in others is almost the opposite of what verse 11 actually means.
“Well,” you may ask, “if we aren’t supposed to speak about the evils in our society, how on earth can we expose them?” That is a good question, and the answer is given in the context. We are to be the light and walk in the light because light is what exposes what is dark and evil. Living a light-filled life in our thoughts, words, deeds, and our very being is the best way to expose darkness.
Now, there are indeed biblical verses and stories that suggest that there is a time to speak up and speak out about the evil around us. “Proverbs 31:8-9 comes to mind:
“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” (NIV)
And speaking up for ourselves is also important at times. However, simply fulminating about things in our society—as many Christians of all stripes are prone to do these days—is itself simply another form of evil. If we want to counter the darkness of evil, we need to be the light, as Jesus himself is The light.
Do you feel like a beginner in an area where you should be a master? Well, join the human race, dear heart! “Impostor syndrome” (which is often a result of feeling like a beginner) is something we all struggle with in one way or another, in one area or another. Feeling like a beginner is not generally a comfortable feeling.
However, at the ripe old age of seventy-two, I have realized that I can choose to be contented and even joyous with the feeling and the reality of being a beginner.
Here is an excerpt from my 12-step report to my sponsors and accountability posse this morning:
“Dear ___________________________________,
. . .
Today, by God’s grace, I am cultivating awareness of God. Good things for me and for others will come about as I consistently do this.
It was a good affirmation, but I am not sure how much I followed through on it. I am a beginner at cultivating awareness of anything. However, Thomas Merton said that God loves beginners. I hope Merton was right, and I suspect he was.
Today, by God’s grace, I am content and joyful to be a beginner. By the end of the day, I am planning to be a little further along on my beginnership.
Daryl”
I thought that I might be coining the word “beginnership”, but I was quickly disabused of that notion. While it is not yet an official word, it was used in an article in Forbes Magazine in February of 2022 (https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2022/02/09/the-power-of-beginnership-as-a-business-leader/?sh=1cfff9f17bf8, accessed 04-24-2023). So much for originality!
Some Buddhists also speak of keeping “a beginner’s mind”. This strikes me as being incredibly wise.
And why is it wise to recognize and cultivate beginnership? The answer is simple: Because we all are beginners. If we begin to think otherwise, we are already off the path of wisdom and into a thicket of bad results.
I had a fascinating exchange of emails with a student. He was responding to one of my comments on his assignment. His email invited me to think more deeply about the whole matter of biblical interpretation. I was able to encourage him, I think, by admitting that I myself am a beginner when it comes to interpretation. I also raised his grade a bit for his prompt and thoughtful response.
If the Bible is God’s Word, as I believe that it is, then we should not find it difficult to believe that we are beginners in interpretation. After all, if God is infinite (in other words, if God has no boundaries), then we ought to be humble beginners in trying to understand what God has said. We can be content and even joyful in our beginnership.
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