Posts By Dteb
“Self-Discipline: The Good, the Bad, and the Very Very Ugly”
“22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; . . . .” (Galatians 5:22-23, English Standard Version)
Usually, I think of self-discipline as a good thing. However, in a recent twelve-step meeting, a couple of people pointed out that it ain’t necessarily so.
One of my fellow-addicts said that, for him, a rigid self-discipline and a tight schedule were ways of avoiding reality. And (of course) all that addicts ever want out of reality is out—out of reality, that is. Another twelve-stepper commented that acquiring self-discipline is, in a sense, part of the problem. What we really need to acquire is humility.
It is true that sometimes people use self-control in unhealthy ways. They can use their own self-control to manipulate and control others. (“I am losing weight. Why aren’t you?”) Also, people can use self-control in one area—or even in many areas—of their life to justify being out of control in another. (“Sure, I drink too much, but I always show up for work on time.”) I’m sure that there are other ways of misusing self-control. There are always many ways of turning our virtues into vices. Humans are quite adept at this.
This doesn’t mean that self-control is inherently a bad thing. It does mean that self-control can be used in misguided ways. Perhaps this is why, in Paul’s list of the fruit of the Spirit in his letter to the Galatian Christ-followers, Paul mentions self-control last. Maybe it is only as we cultivate love (which leads off the list) and all the other virtues in the list that self-control assumes its proper role in our lives.
“When Joyous Truth Stands Before Us”
“Psa. 100:1 Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth!
2 Serve the LORD with gladness!
Come into his presence with singing!
Psa. 100:3 Know that the LORD, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
Psa. 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
Psa. 100:5 For the LORD is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations.” (Psalm 100, English Standard Version)
I had the privilege of hearing a good sermon from my nephew, Caleb, on Psalm 100 yesterday. He said many good things and said them well. One of the things that he did was to connect truth and joy. Or, rather, he pointed out that truth and joy are connected.
Psalm 100 is full of joy. And that joy is not optional. As Caleb pointed out, joy is commanded in this psalm. But there is a good reason for this joy. The LORD is good (verse 5) with a goodness that is absolutely rock-solidly faithful. The psalmist speaks of two ways in which God’s goodness is made known to us: God’s “steadfast love” and God’s “faithfulness”. (In the King James Version, the translation of these two Hebrew words are “mercy” and “truth”.)
The Hebrew word that is translated as “truth” in the King James Version isʾᵉmûnāṯô. “Truth” is certainly one possible translation of this Hebrew word, but the word is so rich that it is almost untranslatable. It relates to God’s faithfulness in support of us ornery cusses. It is the opposite of fickleness.
Commenting on Jesus before Pilate and Pilate’s question “What is truth?” my nephew said something to the effect that “Truth doesn’t yell at us. It just stands before us.”
This truth (which is also named “God”) stands before us offering us mercy. To receive mercy/steadfast love and truth is a humbling and awesome thing. It is also a joyous thing.
However, I’m not sure that I had ever seen the connection between truth and joy as clearly as I did during Caleb’s sermon. I had always thought of truth as solemn—even grim. Thinking of truth as a bringer of joy sounds like a really appealing way of reframing truth.
One final thought: Both truth and mercy are attributes of God. According to the Bible, they are also expected of human beings. However, we humans need to remember that, first and foremost, they are aspects of who God is. This will keep us from the stupidity of thinking that we as individuals (or our little in-groups) somehow possess the truth. We don’t. If anything, Truth possesses us. And that’s where the joy is.
“Canine Potty Habits, Anger and Aristotle”
I do a reading from a twelve-step meditation book for some of my fellow-addicts each morning. Unbeknownst to me, I prepared for the reading by taking the dog out to do her business.
First, I should tell you a bit about our dog. She is several years old and is pretty good about doing her business outside—except when she isn’t. We still put down a pad in the hallway just in case. So, I got up early this morning (5:00 a.m.), put on the coffee, and went downstairs to take our little dog outside. I figured she was good to go (pun initially unintentional) since my wife had taken her out fairly late last night. I was mistaken.
I began to get angry, but I checked myself. “I’m not going to fly into a rage about this,” I told myself. And I didn’t.
I went upstairs, poured my coffee, opened the message app on my phone, brought up my text message group, and opened my twelve-book. Here is the epigraph, a quote from Aristotle, that began the reading:
“It is easy to fly into a passion—anybody can do that—but to be angry with the right person to the right extent and at the right time and with the right object and in the right way—that is not easy, and it is not everyone who can do it.”
Whoa!
The Bible says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:19-20, English Standard Version)
Way too often, I get things all turned around. I am quick to speak and get angry and slow to hear. We talk a lot about “righteous anger”, but how often is our anger actually righteous? Very seldom, I suspect. We don’t handle our anger very well. In fact, we don’t handle it at all. Anger man-handles us.
“Hot Weather, Blankets, and Prayer”
Today’s post is a Facebook post by a loving but exasperated mom. You will understand the title better after you read the post. Here it is!
“Are my kids amazing? Yes. Do they also make me lose my mind at least once a day? Yes. Absolutely yes.
This morning in the organized madness of trying to get all four kids out the door., I had to run back in the house twice to get car blankets. Never mind that it’s the middle of summer, we’re in a heatwave, and we swam like three times yesterday because it was “sooo hot!” Car blankets. We had real tears, genuine sadness, and basically accusations of borderline child abuse should I not go back in the house and grab them these dang blankets. Cue me in utter exasperation digging through the hall closet trying to find these blankets that, “silly me!” I put up once the cold weather was over.
But it’s fine. Everything’s fine. We aren’t even late! Probably because I started preparing for our exit 2 hours prior… At least now I can drive in peace knowing that my children will not freeze in this intense weather.
Anyway, if your kids’ logic is as gloriously flawed as mine, I see you. I hear you. But also, so does God. And I can imagine the number of times he is shaking his head at me in exasperation as I whine for something I clearly don’t need, but adamantly, deep in my core, believe that I do.
Thank you Lord for your patience with me. For gently leading me when I am so far off base that it’s comical. Guide me to trust that You know best. Help me to have that same love and wisdom with my children and with everyone I interact with today. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
“What We Have, What We Have Been Given, and What We Give”
A 12-step friend quoted a reading from a recovery book that furthered my quest for sanity and wholeness:
“In OA, we measure our wealth not by what we have but by what we have given.
Teach me to give.”
This set me to ruminating, and this post is the fruit of my rumination. I think that one way to look at this is to say that there are three very different approaches to life. People fall into one of these three camps, based on their dominant values.
First, there are the “I-havers”. These folks base their lives on the idea that if they have certain things, their life is good. In a sense, it doesn’t even matter whether they have something or not. They are basing their sense of well-being on what they have—or would like to have. Years ago, I heard a slogan that might encapsulate this philosophy. “The winner is the one who dies with the most toys.” I fear that this group is the largest group. In fact, we probably all fall into it in one way or another, to one degree or another.
The second group might be called the “I-have-been-given-ers”. They are grateful and aware that they did not get whatever they have all by themselves. Even when they are going through tough times, they try to be thankful for the good times. Their philosophy is expressed in the Bible verse that says, “Give thanks in everything” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
The final group might be labeled the “I-have-to-givers”. I realized only after I thought of this phrase that you can read this label in two different ways. On the one hand, these folks have an inner compulsion to give to others. My wife is like that. She is a servant who never thinks she has done enough.
On the other hand (or also?), the “I-have-to-givers” realize that they have things in order to give. No doubt this helps to fuel their holy compulsion to give. These folks don’t have things in order to heap things up. They have things in order to give things out. Their approach to life might be summed up with the lapidary statement “You only really possess what you give away.”
Now the truth is that we all fall into one of these three groups at times. But the question is this: What is my dominant way of doing life? Perhaps an even better question is this: How will I do life today?
“A Land of Misfit Toys”
I love the Church and my own particular local church. However, I often wonder if 12-step groups don’t frequently out-church the church. Here is an email from a Saturday morning fellow 12-stepper:
“I am working on a document as part of my couple’s recovery. This particular section is “significant events in your road to recovery”. I wanted to share what was top of the list.
Finding connection at a random Sat morning group:
It is amazing to me that a key moment in my recovery came through a random Saturday morning group. When I came back from my program last summer, I had committed to attending a daily meeting. Although resentful of this commitment I accepted the value (at least on an intellectual level). At the time, I viewed meetings as a chore and as such tried to get them done early and out of the way. The summer is boat time and I had to find a meeting which would not interfere with the rest of my day. As it turns out, this particular group of people, who run an early Saturday recovery meeting have been lifesavers in many ways. They certainly have helped my relationship with my wife, but most importantly participation in the group has saved the relationship with myself. The group is made up of kind caring people who have humility laced with wit and humor. To me, this makes all the difference. I was quickly accepted among their ranks and even asked to participate in a smaller weekly meeting on Wednesday AM. I have learned through participation that despite how I often feel like Rudolf (alone and different), hiding and isolating is not the answer. This eclectic group of people show me every Saturday that you can have a very fulfilling life and a committed long-term relationship while also working to maintain sobriety, even if you sometimes feel you’re in the land of misfit toys.”
We all probably feel like misfit toys some of the time. Some of us feel that way all of the time. Alcoholics Anonymous started in a church building basement. To this day, many 12-step groups meet in churches. While I think that it matters a great deal what we believe, I think that treating people with kindness might work a lot better than simply telling people what they should believe. Kindness is a wonderful way to help people find the truths they need to find.
Of course, the church is all about relationships in any case: relationships with God and with one another. God loves misfits. We all fit with God, and I suspect that God expects us to fit in with one another as best we can—not necessarily agree, but get along. Getting agreement is much easier than getting along in the land of misfit humans, but getting along means more to God. Maybe it should be worth more to us as well.
“The God Who Often Fails”
My wife and I attend a church that likes to sing praise songs and preach about the God who never fails. However, I suspect that God often fails.
Now before you stop reading or burn me at the stake or anything, let me explain. I am not saying that God is a failure. I am simply saying that God often fails. No better?
Let me unpack this a bit. The God I pray to and trust (at least some of the time) often fails . . . to answer my prayers. Yes, I know. “No,” and “Wait and while” are answers too. Still, it certainly feels like God has failed when he fails to respond to my prayers in the way I want God to respond.
Of course, it is possible that some (most?) of my prayers are not really prayers to God at all, but merely my immaturity kicking and screaming for what it wants. Yes, that might be the problem. However, I don’t like that possibility, so I reject it.
It could be, though, that my perception of God’s failing to do what I ask really boils down to messed up priorities and a messed up view of God. Maybe God isn’t in the business of doing precisely what I want. Maybe I am victimizing myself with selfish desires and then blaming God.
It is possible.
“In the Business of Mercy”
A friend of mine wrote the following to me the other day:
“The more I stay in ‘most of that is none of my business’ mindset, the better I feel spiritually. Even if I do disagree with what someone is doing, or if I would do it differently myself, I can mind my own business by loving them anyway and not trying to control or manipulate. I can trust God with all of it. I actually just think about Jesus and his ministry of being with the most outcast people of society, the “sinners”, and how he showed them unconditional love. That’s how I want to be. Just loving people where they’re at, even if they’re screwing up, even if they’re wrong. I’m wrong all the time. I screw up all the time. And when I do, I really need mercy and love. I think we all do.”
We are in the business of mercy. Part of mercy is often minding our own business. Most people realize when they have messed up. Some even recognize that they are messed up. And yet, as I mentioned to my wife just this morning, I tend to be an editor of other people’s lives. Why do I do that?
I suspect that the main reason is that I don’t want to come terms with the things that I need to change in my own life. Focusing on what is wrong with “those people” avoids the messy and difficult task of trying to be changed myself. It doesn’t matter too much who “those people” are. It could be Democrats or Republicans, atheists or Christians, men or women, the young or the old . . . , just as long as it isn’t me.
Perhaps I should base my own personal mercy business on the premise that I have received much mercy from God and from other people. The truth is that I have indeed received a lot of mercy.
Perhaps too, I could practice mercy toward myself. Increasingly, I am convinced that all the Christian virtues need to be practiced not only by ourselves, but also on ourselves.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- DTEB, “Getting Christ and Ourselves Back in Focus” November 11, 2024“Col. 3:1 ¶ If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Col. 3:2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Col. 3:3 For you have died, and your life is hidden […]
- “Search Me!” October 27, 2024“Psa. 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! 24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24, English Standard Version) I am participating in a Bible study, and this is a prayer […]
- “Christian Speech” October 26, 2024“Eph. 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Foulkes, in his excellent commentary on the Book of Ephesians, writes the following, which I quote at some length: “29. Now the […]
- “God is in the Details” October 11, 2024“The devil is in the details.” (A general saying, often quoted by lawyers, reporters, and negotiators.) “God is in the details.” (Me, almost certainly not original.) “Luke 12:7 Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” (Jesus) God does not micromanage, but God […]
- “Grandma’s Pump” October 8, 2024When I was a little critter, I would stay at my grandma’s house for a night or two sometimes. I liked this for a lot for many reasons. One thing I liked about staying with her was that Grandma’s house was much more technologically advanced than ours was. For one thing, she had indoor water—sort […]
- “Wearing the #14 Wrong-Side-Out” October 5, 2024Pete Rose, #14, is dead. Many of the old guys with whom I play softball watched him play and appreciated him greatly. I do as well. He was one of the greatest players who ever played the game. Yes, he admitted (eventually) to betting on baseball. But many of us still regard him as one […]
- “Passing Along the Love (and a Link)” October 4, 2024Several years ago, a friend of mine put me onto a daily meditation by Richard Rohr and friends. I don’t read them all the time, but I probably should. They are good! I thought that today’s writing was especially good, and I also figured that this would be a good way to post something. I […]
- “Witnessing Versus Being Witnesses” September 19, 2024“Acts 1:1 In the first book, O Theophilus, I have dealt with all that Jesus began to do and teach, Acts 1:2 until the day when he was taken up, after he had given commands through the Holy Spirit to the apostles whom he had chosen. Acts 1:3 He presented himself alive to them after […]
- “A Bathroom Prayer for Hurting Hands” September 11, 2024A week ago Sunday, my hands were hurting so badly at church that I went to the bathroom to run hot water over my hands. Arthritis perhaps, or carpal tunnel, or general orneriness—I don’t know why my hands hurt, but they do. They have for years. So, while I was running hot water over my […]
- “Waiting and Seeking” September 10, 2024“Lam. 3:19 ¶ Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! Lam. 3:20 My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. Lam. 3:21 But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: Lam. 3:22 ¶ The steadfast love of the LORD […]
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