Posts By Dteb
“Of Migraines, Perfectionism, and Strange Theology”
Here is an email that I sent to one of my students who asked for a brief extension on an assignment, due to her migraines. I mentioned to her that I used to suffer for them as well. She asked if I still had them. Here is my reply. (I left out her name to be careful not to violate her confidentiality.)
Dear __________,
Yes, the migraines do not afflict me now, thank you. In fact, I have very few headaches of any kind these days (even though I have a very slight one right now).
I am sorry for all your health concerns, and I realize that there are many things that can cause migraines. Even though I highly value medical professionals (my wife is a nurse), I am not sure that even the medical experts understand migraines fully.
That headache that I had for eight days was the last really severe one I’ve had. I will tell you a true story, except that I will clean it up a little, leaving out the crucial word. You can fill in the blank if you like.
When I was having this l o n g eight-day headache, I was living on Tylenol, which helped a little. Sound went through my head like a spike. My wife and kids, even if they talked in a normal tone of voice, were yelling. I could hardly keep my food down.
I was scheduled to go on a retreat to a Trappist monastery in Kentucky with a friend who was a Catholic priest, but I thought of canceling it. My wife said, “Oh, why don’t you go? It might do you good.”
When my friend arrived, he visited with Sharon for a few minutes and then we headed out for our four-day spiritual retreat. Before we had gone very far, Jerome said to me, “You’re not feeling well, are you, Daryl?”
“Oh,” I said, “I’ve had this headache for eight days, and nothing seems to help. I almost canceled on you, but Sharon said it might be a good idea for me to go.”
“Daryl,” my friend said, “what do you expect of yourself?”
I wasn’t really prepared for that question, but I thought for a moment and said, “I just want to be a good man, and I’m not.”
My friend replied, “No, you want to be perfect.”
“No, Jerome, I just want to be a good man, and I’m not.”
And then, my friend said something which not only pretty much chased the migraines away, but which has transformed my life. He said, “Sometimes I think we need an #$%?! theology. We’re all a bunch of #$%?!s, and God loves us anyway.”
My friend almost never used such language, so I was rather shocked. I also thought that it was very funny. I laughed and I cried, and then I laughed and cried some more. Within ten minutes, the headache was gone. They have never come back with such ferocity again.
___________, I don’t question that there are weighty medical issues that are causing (or at least exacerbating) your migraines. However, I wonder: Are you a perfectionist?
I believe in miracles, and I also believe that the love of God is the greatest miracle of all. Those of us who are Christ-followers give lip-service to the idea that God loves us just as we are. But we need to let that love for us—just as we are—to permeate every cell in our body. We are perfectly lovable, even in our imperfections.
By the way, now that I’ve told you this true story, I’ve noticed that my head isn’t hurting. Of course, the cup of coffee may have helped a little too.
Warm Regards and Prayers,
Daryl
“Good Cover-Ups”
“Psa. 32:1 ¶ Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Psa. 32:2 Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
Psa. 32:3 ¶ For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
Psa. 32:4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah
Psa. 32:5 ¶ I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
Psa. 32:6 ¶ Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
Psa. 32:7 You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah
Psa. 32:8 ¶ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Psa. 32:9 Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.
Psa. 32:10 ¶ Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.
Psa. 32:11 Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart! (English Standard Version)
My wife was briefly involved in a cover-up this morning. No, there is no need to call the FBI, Homeland Security, or even a marriage counselor. It wasn’t quite that dramatic.
She couldn’t find her phone. I was upstairs and had left my own phone downstairs. My wife is very logical. Also, even though she loves me dearly, she is not blind to my tendencies. She yelled upstairs, “I think you have my phone!”
I couldn’t very well argue, since I assumed she was right. I started looking. The bathroom, my desk, my bed, my chest of drawers—nada.
Eventually, I went downstairs, grabbed my phone, and called my wife’s number. We could hear her phone ringing, but it was a bit muffled. There was a good reason for that. It was muffled by a stack of recipes. Sharon had the recipes out and her phone in the neighborhood of those recipes for an excellent cause. She helps cook on Monday nights for a ministry which provides a hot meal and groceries for those who need them. My wife was trying to figure out a way to make pork flavorful and tender. Hence, the recipes and her phone at the ready. (I sampled her work later in the day, and I can report that she succeeded admirably.)
It is frightfully easy to cover up something important. But, as is often the case with the way my brain works, my wife’s cover-up invited me to reflect. I wonder what I am covering up? Is it the right thing to cover up? What is my motive for covering something up? Do I have a motive, or is it just an accident? Covering up our smart phones might be a good thing to do on a regular basis. If you’re like me, you spend way too much time on my smart phone, which is a dumb thing to do. If I am covering up my phone so that I can serve others, that would be a very smart thing.
On the other hand, we sometimes cover up things that don’t need to be covered. They need to be confessed. ’Fessing up is not as easy as covering up, but it’s a lot healthier. Believe me: I’ve tried it both ways.
The psalm with which this post begins is one of my favorites. It points out that hiding stuff makes us sick, but confessing stuff brings back joy to our lives. Confession isn’t easy. It’s just better.
The New Testament also talks about God’s cover-up for our sins. In fact, when talking about what God has done for us in Christ, Psalm 32 is called to the witness stand (Romans 4:6-8). What Christians have historically believed (and what I presently believe, at least in my better moments) is that we must confess our sins and ask for forgiveness. We believe that Jesus died for our sins so that they might be covered.
And that, dear reader, is a very good cover-up. In fact, it’s the best cover-up of all.
“A Marginalized God”
Many New Testament scholars have noted Jesus’ ministry to those on the margin: women, the poor, and so on. Luke is especially insistent about Jesus caring for those whom society considered outsiders.
Those of us who believe that Jesus was God embodied believe that Jesus’ concern for those who are outsiders reflects the very heart of God. Even if you believe that Jesus was only a great man, prophet, or teacher, but not God-in-the-flesh, you probably hope that there is a God like that—a God who cares for the outsider. And don’t we all sometimes at least feel like outsiders?
But what if God Himself is marginalized? What if God is the Ultimate Outsider? That God is love is an old idea. Yes, it is ever fresh and deep, but it has been around for a very long time. And the idea that God loves especially those who are not loved by others is an old and venerable idea as well. And if we believe that God loves those on the margins, we might extrapolate to our own responsibility: We also are called to love outsiders. But God being marginal? That’s a new idea—or at least it is to me.
Now you may say, “Wait a minute! Isn’t God the center of everything? How could the creator and sustainer of the universe be considered marginal?”
The simple answer is “Yes, God is the Center.” But, as with almost all simple yeses, this yes must be nuanced. In this case, nuance means asking myself questions that I don’t want to ask, because I already know the answers and don’t like them. Here are the questions: Is God an outsider to me? Do I marginalize God? Do I sometimes (often?) act as if there is no God? Am I, practically speaking, an atheist?
My own belief is that faith is not simply a matter of the intellect, the emotions, and the will. Faith is action as well. So the question that cuts like a knife is this: Do my actions suggest that God is in the center of my life or on the margins of my life?
Oh God, you are The Center. Help me to treat you that way today. Please.
“Moving Being a Shell of a Man”
My nephew gave me a wonderful metaphor for becoming a fully functional man. He said that men are just little boys. We are only a shell of a man. But a good wife can draw a good man out of that shell.
I don’t know if that is universally true. Probably not. However, I do know that it is true for me. My wife has most definitely loved me into becoming a much better, more mature, more loving version of myself. She has done more than give birth to our children. She has also given birth to me!
In a general sense, that is what we are called to do, isn’t it? We do not become anything good alone. Of course, I believe that God works directly to help us with this business of coming out of our shells. However, God also frequently works on us through others.
We are all, male and female alike, young and old alike, designed and called to help one another become the truest version of ourselves.
It takes time, patience, and acceptance to become our real selves. It takes time, patience, and acceptance to help birth one another. And let’s be frank: Time, patience, and acceptance are rare elements these days. Perhaps we are all shells until someone draws us out of those shells. We need to let other people help us to unshell ourselves. And we need to help others to unshell as well. My spell-checker doesn’t like the word “unshell”, but I do. I am adding it to my dictionary. You might consider doing so as well.
“A Mindset of Happiness”
A friend sent me the following from his daughter. It is so good that I wanted to pass it along to you.
“Happiness is a mindset, a conscious choice we make every day. It isn’t about having a perfect life, but about finding joy in the little things, cultivating gratitude, and focusing on the positives, even in challenging times. While circumstances can influence our mood, true happiness comes from within—it’s an attitude that allows us to see the beauty in imperfections and to appreciate what we have rather than what we lack. By choosing to embrace a mindset of happiness, we empower ourselves to live more fulfilling lives, regardless of the ups and downs that come our way. Happiness is not something to chase; it’s something to create from the inside out.”
I would add just two things to this. The first one is a comment by a friend the other day in a twelve-step meeting: “For me, happiness is having more blessings than problems.” Yes indeed!
Second, it is my conviction that real joy comes from knowing and loving God and knowing that God knows and loves me. There is a little praise song that I learned some fifty-plus years ago that I really appreciate. It goes like this:
“Verse 1
Happiness is to know the Savior
Living a life within His favor
Having a change in my behavior
Happiness is the Lord
Verse 2
Happiness is a new creation
Jesus and me in close relation
Having a part in His salvation
Happiness is the Lord
(Bridge)
Real joy is mine
No matter if teardrops start
I’ve found the secret
It’s Jesus in my heart
Verse 3
Happiness is to be forgiven
Living a life that’s worth the livin’
Taking a trip that leads to heaven
Happiness is the Lord
(Ending)
Happiness is the Lord
Happiness is the Lord”
“Never Too Late”
“Joel 2:12 ¶ “Yet even now,” declares the LORD,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
Joel 2:13 and rend your hearts and not your garments.”
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.” (English Standard Version.)These are the You Version verse/s of the day for August 20, 2024.)
It is never too late to repent and turn to God. I am struck by the first three words of verse 12: “Yet even now”. We sometimes say, “It’s just too late for me.” God never says such a thing. Instead, God says, “Yet even now!” One of my twelve-step brothers said, “It’s never too late to become the man you always wanted to be.” He spoke the truth.
There needs to be sorrow for the person that I was and the harm that I’ve done. There needs to be a broken heart. It is only the broken heart that can be healed.
But there is good news. Indeed, there is astonishingly good news. God is in the heart-healing business. God is full of grace and mercy. He doesn’t get angry quickly, and he overflows with a love that will not be dammed up.
No, dear friend, it is not too late—not for me, not for you, not for anybody.
“Judgmentalism”
“Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.” (Romans 2:1, English Standard Version)
“You spot it, you got it.” (Twelve-step saying.)
In the verse from Romans that starts off this post, Paul is continuing a thought that he had begun in the preceding chapter. There, he had begun to speak of the stunning love and grace of God, but Paul begins his discussion of God’s love and grace with a list of the sins that God’s love and grace have to deal with. It’s not a pretty list.
When a person gets to the end of that list, he/she might be inclined to say, “Boy, I’m sure glad that I am not like that!” If so, Paul immediately pulls the rug out from under us by saying, point-blank, that when you judge others, you judge yourself.
Now, here is my problem: Judgmental people are the worst, in my opinion. I really believe that people who are judgmental are destined to live forever in the downtown heart of hell.
See what I did there? I just pulled the rug out from under myself! I like to think of myself as a very non-judgmental person. Why then do judgmental people bother me so much? Because I’m a judgmental person, of course.
In fact, there are a lot of other sins that I judge. Am I enmeshed in them too? Yep!
I read an interesting saying in a 12-step book this morning. “You spot it, you got it.” The fact that I am so good at spotting the character defects of others means that I have a massive amount of work to do.
How about you, valued reader?
“People Matter—A Lot!”
“Love God and love people.” (The words are from a Danny Gokey song, but are based on Jesus putting together loving God and loving people.)
I just received two emails from two different college alums. The first informed me that my fellow-student’s nephew had lost his battle with cancer. Here was my reply to my classmate, Zac’s Uncle Bill:
“Dear Bill,
Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. Life is such a fragile business. We need I need, to cherish every moment and live flat-out for Jesus.”
Shortly after I had sent this email to Bill and the rest of the Asbury Patriot Class prayer group, I received the following email from Colleen, another Asbury alum. She invited me to sign up for the prayer newsletter and said that she doubted that I remembered her. She was right; I didn’t. Probably should have.
“Dear Colleen,
I would be delighted to receive the newsletter.
I’m afraid that I didn’t get to know very many people well when I attended Asbury. I transferred my junior year, was too focused on my studies, and was dating a girl (now my wife of fifty-one years) who lived about 90 miles away. We were married my senior year and living off campus.
I now regret that I did not get to know more of the exceedingly fine people who were at Asbury when I was there. Knowing “stuff” is important, but knowing people is crucial.
There is an old saying that “We get too soon old, and too late smart.” Amen to that!
Thank you, Colleen, for your vision for the prayer group. Perhaps it’s never too late to connect with people you ought to have known and loved better a long time ago.”
What people is it not too late for you to get to know better and love more, dear reader? Why not start today?
“All the Alls of God”
“Psa. 145:1 I will extol you, my God and King,
and bless your name forever and ever.
2 Every day I will bless you
and praise your name forever and ever.
3 Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised,
and his greatness is unsearchable.
Psa. 145:4 One generation shall commend your works to another,
and shall declare your mighty acts.
5 On the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.
6 They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds,
and I will declare your greatness.
7 They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness
and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.
Psa. 145:8 The LORD is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
9 The LORD is good to all,
and his mercy is over all that he has made.
Psa. 145:10 All your works shall give thanks to you, O LORD,
and all your saints shall bless you!
11 They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom
and tell of your power,
12 to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds,
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures throughout all generations.
[The LORD is faithful in all his words
and kind in all his works.]
14 The LORD upholds all who are falling
and raises up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food in due season.
16 You open your hand;
you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works.
18 The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them.
20 The LORD preserves all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
Psa. 145:21 My mouth will speak the praise of the LORD,
and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.”
In Psalm 145, there are a lot of “alls” and “everys”. There are also some “forevers” thrown in for good measure. Here is, I think, what it all boils down to: God is always good to all, with only one exception: the chronically wicked (verse 20b).
I was in a foul mood this morning, but I made several good decisions. I read Psalm 145, I tried to pray, I attended a virtual 12-step meeting, I admitted I was in a foul mood to people who care about me, especially my wife. (No doubt she was already aware.) I worked on some worthwhile tasks, got some exercise, and took a nap. Guess what! I am going to bed soon, after a wonderful day that did not start out well at all. Well, truth to tell, it was I who did not start out well. Psalm 145, the kindness of a lot of good people—and yes, even my own efforts—turned the day around.
God is good and kind and merciful all the time, even when I am in a foul mood. I need to remember that.
DOWN TO EARTH BELIEVER
- DTEB, “Getting Christ and Ourselves Back in Focus” November 11, 2024“Col. 3:1 ¶ If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Col. 3:2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Col. 3:3 For you have died, and your life is hidden […]
- “Search Me!” October 27, 2024“Psa. 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! 24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24, English Standard Version) I am participating in a Bible study, and this is a prayer […]
- “Christian Speech” October 26, 2024“Eph. 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Foulkes, in his excellent commentary on the Book of Ephesians, writes the following, which I quote at some length: “29. Now the […]
- “God is in the Details” October 11, 2024“The devil is in the details.” (A general saying, often quoted by lawyers, reporters, and negotiators.) “God is in the details.” (Me, almost certainly not original.) “Luke 12:7 Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” (Jesus) God does not micromanage, but God […]
- “Grandma’s Pump” October 8, 2024When I was a little critter, I would stay at my grandma’s house for a night or two sometimes. I liked this for a lot for many reasons. One thing I liked about staying with her was that Grandma’s house was much more technologically advanced than ours was. For one thing, she had indoor water—sort […]
- “Wearing the #14 Wrong-Side-Out” October 5, 2024Pete Rose, #14, is dead. Many of the old guys with whom I play softball watched him play and appreciated him greatly. I do as well. He was one of the greatest players who ever played the game. Yes, he admitted (eventually) to betting on baseball. But many of us still regard him as one […]
- “Passing Along the Love (and a Link)” October 4, 2024Several years ago, a friend of mine put me onto a daily meditation by Richard Rohr and friends. I don’t read them all the time, but I probably should. They are good! I thought that today’s writing was especially good, and I also figured that this would be a good way to post something. I […]
- “Witnessing Versus Being Witnesses” September 19, 2024“Acts 1:1 In the first book, O Theophilus, I have dealt with all that Jesus began to do and teach, Acts 1:2 until the day when he was taken up, after he had given commands through the Holy Spirit to the apostles whom he had chosen. Acts 1:3 He presented himself alive to them after […]
- “A Bathroom Prayer for Hurting Hands” September 11, 2024A week ago Sunday, my hands were hurting so badly at church that I went to the bathroom to run hot water over my hands. Arthritis perhaps, or carpal tunnel, or general orneriness—I don’t know why my hands hurt, but they do. They have for years. So, while I was running hot water over my […]
- “Waiting and Seeking” September 10, 2024“Lam. 3:19 ¶ Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! Lam. 3:20 My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. Lam. 3:21 But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: Lam. 3:22 ¶ The steadfast love of the LORD […]
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