“Date Night with Myself”
A friend of mine who is single likes to go down by the river to pray, to meditate, and to write. He made an intriguing comment to me about “. . . my solo river sunset date nights.” The thought occurred to me that a person could have a nice date night with themselves.
For many of us, this radically crazy practice might help us to get better acquainted with ourselves. And let’s face it, most of us are not nearly as acquainted with ourselves as we would like to think we are.
We wouldn’t have to make a big production of this, though we probably should take a shower and dress up a little. We could go to a restaurant we particularly like, or for a picnic, or a bike ride. We could take ourselves out to a concert or a baseball game.
An occasional (or regular?) self-date night/day could counter our very human tendency to do everything possible to avoid knowing ourselves. We think that if we don’t have somebody with us, we have to be miserable.
No! As important as people are to us—and they are important to us—we can survive and thrive for a while without them. In fact, a date with ourselves could position us to be nicer for other people to be around. As someone has said, “If you can’t stand being alone, don’t inflict your presence on others.”
I just googled self-dating. It appears that solo dating is a real thing. It may be new to me, but it isn’t new. This could make me feel a little foolish. “Huh, I thought I had an original day, but I didn’t.” Or I could take this as, “Wow! I’m on the right track! Other people have tried this!”
I think I’ll do the “Wow” thing. I’ll let you know how my date with myself goes. I hope that we have something to talk about. And then there is the question of who will pick up the tab.
“The Man Who Had it All and Lacked One Thing”
“There’s a story of Reb Yehiel Mikhal, the Maggid of Zlotchov. He lived a life of great poverty and hardship, yet he was constantly joyful and filled with gratitude. Once, a disciple saw him praying the morning prayers, and he chanted the blessing, ‘Barukh Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melekh Ha’olam, She’asah li kol tzarki – Blessed are You, Divine Being, Our Divine Nature, Sovereign of the Universe, for fulfilling my every want.’
The disciple asked, ‘how can you pray that blessing, when you are in such poverty?’
‘Poverty,’ replied the master, ‘must be what I really want!’ (https://www.torahofawakening.com/torah-of-awakening-teachings-408656/wanting-what-you-dont-want-parshat-vaykhel, accessed 08-25-2022)
“Mark 10:17 And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 18 And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. 19 You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’” 20 And he said to him, “Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth.” 21 And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” 22 Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.
Mark 10:23 And Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!” 24 And the disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said to them again, “Children, how difficult it is to enter the kingdom of God! 25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” 26 And they were exceedingly astonished, and said to him, “Then who can be saved?” 27 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” 28 Peter began to say to him, “See, we have left everything and followed you.” 29 Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, 30 who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. 31 But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” (Mark 10:17-31, English Standard Version)
There are times when we need to focus on the one thing that we lack, which may be what we have—or at least what we think we have.
The young man in Jesus’ story had it all, but he realized that he didn’t really have it all. He didn’t know how to inherit eternal life. He knew the commandments and felt that he had done a good job obeying them, but he still sensed that he was missing something.
According to Jesus, there was one thing that the young man lacked. He lacked the poverty that would allow him to be generous to the poor and the poverty that would allow him to follow Jesus.
There is a song that Mark Cable wrote and performed that says, “If you can’t give it away, then it owns you.” Yes indeed!
“On Adjusting Numbered Lists and My Attitude”
Until a few minutes ago, I hated doing numbered lists that include (and/or exceed) 100. The reason is so trivial that it is exceedingly unreasonable: Beginning with the number 100, the document looks messy. When I reach 100, Microsoft Word begins throwing in extra space between the numbers and whatever text accompanies the number.
I’ve never been formally diagnosed as being a compulsive person. However, that does not prevent me from being one. (Oh my! I just looked online to see if the word “prevent” already has the idea of “from” in it, so that the word “from” was unnecessary. I am in even worse shape than I had thought!)
However, this post is actually not about being compulsive. Rather, it is about being a problem solver, as an antidote to carrying around low-grade irritation all the time. I decided to see if I could figure out how to fix this numbering-with-too-much-space issue. I had tried several things in the past that had not worked. So, this time I asked Professor Google. My first hit helped me to solve the problem in a matter of seconds.
So, did I solve the problem, or did someone else solve it? Yes! I humbled myself. I asked for help. I tried what I was advised to do.
Voila! Problem solved.
You may ask, “What does this have to do with me or with anything that actually matters?” My answer is, “A lot!”
That same approach might help us to solve all kinds of problems. And for those of us who believe in God, we believe—at least in theory—that we have an even more powerful search engine than Google. It might be that we could solve a lot of our problems by humbling ourselves, asking for God’s help, and then doing what God says. Each of those three things seems to be easy. Right? However, though they are easy to understand, they are difficult to practice. We all struggle with pride that keeps us from asking for help. And acting on the help we are offered is about as common as hair on a frog. G. K Chesterton said that “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.” Indeed!
We have probably all spent a lot of time trying to change ourselves in substantial ways. We’ve augmented our irritation but not our growth in character. How about trying this threefold approach instead:
- Humble yourself.
- Ask God for help.
- Do what God says.
If it doesn’t work, you can always ask for online help. And who knows? Perhaps God can speak through the internet, too. God spoke to me today through the internet. I don’t think that God plays favorites.
“Hanging up Clothes and Accidental Happiness”
I grew up before the days when a lot of people had electric or gas-powered dryers to dry their clothes. We used to wash our clothes by hand or in a washing machine, get the water out of them as best we could, and then hang them outside on the line to dry in the sunshine and wind.
I like bounce sheets, but there is nothing like fresh air and sunshine for making clothes smell wonderful. I was reminded of this smell this morning because of a 12-step reading that I did. Here it is:
“Monday, August 22
… sparrow, your message is clear: it is not too late for my singing.
—Tess Gallagher
There was once a mother who loved to hang the laundry out on the clothesline in the backyard. Her baby crawled through the sheets and towels that almost touched the grass. The baby didn’t talk yet, so nobody knew what she was thinking.
Ten years later, the baby, twelve years old, told her that her happiest memory of childhood was playing in her “playhouse” of laundry on the line. She remembered thinking that her mother hung the sheets out there just so she could play in the grass and wind and sun!
How wonderful to be living in a world where we can accidentally make people happy! This knowledge is a miraculous gift, and can give us reason to do every task well and with love, because it may be remembered for a lifetime by someone near to us.
What happy memory do I have of childhood?” (From Today’s Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.)
I don’t remember crawling through my mom’s accidental playhouse of drying clothes and sheets, but I do remember walking and running through it. It was a wonderful experience.
Of course, for my mom, doing the laundry was hard work. She was not young (forty-four years old) when I was born. She was a hard-working farm wife. She had arthritis. (I am just beginning to experience that form of mild torture.) I am not sure if I ever told her how much I liked the smell and feel of clothes drying on a clothesline.
I wonder if there are not a lot of things that are hard work or mundane tasks for us that might be bringing accidental happiness to someone. We may not be aware of it. They may or may not notice and thank us. But the crucial thing is that we be, as George MacDonald said, “. . . doers of the work . . . .”
And even God is pleased when we do the mundane things that need to be done. The Apostle Paul discusses at some length whether the Christ-followers in Corinth should eat meat that has been sacrificed to idols. He gives them a lot of good specific counsel, but then he gives them—and us—an overarching principle. “So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31, New Living Translation)
When we do even such mundane things as eating and drinking for the glory of God, we give God a lot of not-so-accidental happiness.
“Courage in Little Bits”
The verse of the day in the YouVersion Bible App is Joshua 1:9. “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (New Living Translation)
Joshua needed some courage for sure. Moses had died, and Joshua was to lead the Children of Israel across the Jordan River and into the Promised Land. What a task!
I used to think of Joshua as very courageous. However, now that I’ve actually slowed down and looked at the text, I’m not so sure. God has to tell Joshua (three times in chapter 1 alone) that he is to be strong and courageous (verses 6, 7, and 9). At the end of this chapter, some of the leaders of the tribes also tell Joshua to be strong and courageous. Would a courageous person need to be told so often to be courageous?
Well, maybe we all need encouragement in that regard. I am told that there are approximately 365 commands in the Bible to not be afraid. This sounds like the flip side of the command to be courageous. (I haven’t counted them myself to see if there really are 365 of them. This may be an old preacher’s tale.)
There is a lot that could be said about this command in Joshua 1:9. Here are a few observations.
- Apparently, courage is not a feeling. It is a command, and feelings can’t be commanded. So, a command relates to action.
- A command implies that the one doing the commanding is in a position of authority.
- A command implies that the one receiving the command has only two choices: either to obey the command or not.
- Notice that the command is related to meditating in the Law of the LORD and careful obedience/doing of what God says (vss. 7-8). We might think of courage as relating to military prowess. No, it is not. Courage is instead about obeying God.
- Courage comes in many forms. For Joshua, I don’t doubt that it took courage to refuse to lose his temper when some of the Ephraimites (from his own tribe, no less!) whined that they hadn’t been given enough land (Joshua 17:14-18). Sometimes, putting up with a whiny extended family takes as much courage as conquering a city!
My last observation leads me to an application which is stretching Joshua 1:9. I hope that it isn’t stretching the text too far. Here is my application. It may or may not fit you. I suspect that we need courage even for little things.
To hold your tongue when you would like to use it as a lash, to eat in a healthy manner, to write a blog post when you’re not sure you have anything to say—these and a thousand other small things require us to choose courage every day. Courage is not reserved for soldiers and fire fighters. It is required of us all.
Courage in little bits is the name of the game. That is what our lives consist of mostly.
“WEIGHING HEARTS”
“All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the LORD weighs the spirit.” (Proverbs 16:2, English Standard Version)
“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but Yahweh weighs the hearts.” (Proverbs 21:2, Young’s Literal Translation)
Lasine, commenting on Proverbs 21:2 (as well as on other ancient writings), notes that “. . . our evaluations of biblical characters may end up revealing our own ‘nakedness,’ allowing us to weigh ourselves in the balance while still alive.”[1] So, in a profound sense, when we read the Bible, it also reads us.
Well, it is not so much the Bible that weighs us as it is the LORD who weighs us. In the original Hebrew in both 16:2 and 21:2, the verb translated “weighs” is a participle. Often, the Hebrew participle conveys continual action that flows from the character of the one doing the action. So, it would appear that God is always weighing our spirits and hearts.
Perhaps this should warn us against thinking we know our own hearts very well. It should certainly warn us against thinking we know other people very well. Who knows? It might even make us less prone to weigh others or to judge them.
In fact, our weighing of the motives of others might be one of things that God weighs. Like Belshazzar in Daniel 5, we may be “weighed in the balance and found wanting.”
[1] Stuart Lasine, Weighing Hearts: Character, Judgment, and the Ethics of Reading the Bible, Library of Hebrew Bible/Old Testament Studies 568 (New York: T & T Clark, 2012), xii.
“On Putting People in Buckets”
I was listening to an Andy Stanley podcast this morning, in which he spoke of the danger of putting people in buckets. There is, he said, a Republican bucket and a Democratic bucket, a conservative bucket and a liberal bucket.
One problem, as Stanley pointed out, with all this bucketing is that people don’t fit really well in buckets. I am reminded of the saying that “there are only two kinds of people: those who put people in one of two groups and those who don’t.”
Right.
The Bible actually says that there is only one bucket that all humanity can be put into: the sinner bucket. “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God,” says Paul in Romans 3:23. From my experience, that sounds about right.
So, perhaps instead of figuring out who is right and who is wrong, maybe we should throw ourselves in the bucket called “the Grace of God”. Just a suggestion. And since, I’ve made one suggestion, I might as well make another: How about being a little kinder to other people in the sinner bucket?
“Fearing the Lord vs. Fearing the Lord”
A lot of people think that there are many contradictions in the Bible. In a sense, they are right. However, not all contradictions are contradictions.
Yes, I know, that doesn’t make any sense at all. Or then again, does it.
Take, as an example, the following passage from 2 Kings. Assyria had taken into exile many of the residents of Israel. Then the king of Assyria brought into the area of Samaria (the now defunct capital of Israel) other people groups whom the Assyrians had conquered. The author of 2 Kings 17 is summing up what happened and why it happened.
“2Kings 17:24 And the king of Assyria brought people from Babylon, Cuthah, Avva, Hamath, and Sepharvaim, and placed them in the cities of Samaria instead of the people of Israel. And they took possession of Samaria and lived in its cities. 25 And at the beginning of their dwelling there, they did not fear the LORD. Therefore the LORD sent lions among them, which killed some of them. 26 So the king of Assyria was told, “The nations that you have carried away and placed in the cities of Samaria do not know the law of the god of the land. Therefore he has sent lions among them, and behold, they are killing them, because they do not know the law of the god of the land.” 27 Then the king of Assyria commanded, “Send there one of the priests whom you carried away from there, and let him go and dwell there and teach them the law of the god of the land.” 28 So one of the priests whom they had carried away from Samaria came and lived in Bethel and taught them how they should fear the LORD.
2Kings 17:29 But every nation still made gods of its own and put them in the shrines of the high places that the Samaritans had made, every nation in the cities in which they lived. 30 The men of Babylon made Succoth-benoth, the men of Cuth made Nergal, the men of Hamath made Ashima, 31 and the Avvites made Nibhaz and Tartak; and the Sepharvites burned their children in the fire to Adrammelech and Anammelech, the gods of Sepharvaim. 32 They also feared the LORD and appointed from among themselves all sorts of people as priests of the high places, who sacrificed for them in the shrines of the high places. 33 So they feared the LORD but also served their own gods, after the manner of the nations from among whom they had been carried away.
2Kings 17:34 To this day they do according to the former manner. They do not fear the LORD, and they do not follow the statutes or the rules or the law or the commandment that the LORD commanded the children of Jacob, whom he named Israel. 35 The LORD made a covenant with them and commanded them, “You shall not fear other gods or bow yourselves to them or serve them or sacrifice to them, 36 but you shall fear the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt with great power and with an outstretched arm. You shall bow yourselves to him, and to him you shall sacrifice. 37 And the statutes and the rules and the law and the commandment that he wrote for you, you shall always be careful to do. You shall not fear other gods, 38 and you shall not forget the covenant that I have made with you. You shall not fear other gods, 39 but you shall fear the LORD your God, and he will deliver you out of the hand of all your enemies.” 40 However, they would not listen, but they did according to their former manner.
2Kings 17:41 So these nations feared the LORD and also served their carved images. Their children did likewise, and their children’s children—as their fathers did, so they do to this day.” (2 Kings 17:24-41, English Standard Version, bolding mine)
So, the author of 2 Kings says both that they did and did not fear the Lord. Which is true? Probably both. In a sense—and to a degree—the folks who had been shipped into Israel did fear the Lord, but their loyalties were divided. And so, in a deeper sense, they did not fear the Lord. The author of Kings is acknowledging that both of these things are true.
Contradictions? Yes, but no more contradictory than human nature is. In fact, the Bible acknowledges that Israel itself did not fear the Lord (17:7). We are confronted with the fact that neither Israel nor the forced migrants who replaced them were doing a good job of reverencing the Lord.
The way that the story goes back and forth invites (or forces?) us to look at our own selves. Do we truly fear the Lord, or do we have divided loyalties? What seems to be contradiction in the biblical text may actually be asking us to take a good, long look at ourselves. We may not like what we see.
“Willing to Surrender Our Will”
“Phil. 2:12 ¶ Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,
Phil. 2:13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:12-13, English Standard Version)
I don’t have a lot of willpower. I also don’t have a lot of “won’t power”. In other words, I frequently don’t do what is best for me and for others. And I do do what is not good for me and others. Probably, dear reader, you never struggle with such a perverse dynamic. Nevertheless, I will let you into my own struggles.
The thought occurred to me yesterday that there is a paradox in all 12-step programs. Actually, there are probably many paradoxes, but here is the greatest one, I think. Here it is.
Step 1 says that we are powerless over our addictions.
Step 3 says that we must make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.
Furthermore, one of the five major resources we use in recovery is sobriety, which is defined as being “. . . willing to stop acting out on our bottom line addictive behavior.”
Wait a minute! How can we exercise our will when we are powerless?
Paradoxes (like Zen koans) cannot be so much solved as lived with. I can’t pretend to be able to solve this apparent contradiction. The paradox is summed up in two companion sayings that are well-known by 12-steppers.
“I can’t without God;
God won’t without me.”
Paul says something similar in his letter to the Philippians. Apparently, some of them were having a difficult time getting along with other believers. I was a pastor for many years. I think that I can say, without much fear of contradiction, that this is still a problem in every church. Indeed, it is a problem in every group that has more than one person in it. (See what I did there?!)
The verses before and after the two verses (2:12-13) that lead off this post are not about individual salvation, but about getting along with others. No one can do that without divine help. On the other hand, it is something that the individual him (or her) self has to do. Trying to love, or even get along, with others without God is a herculean task. And we are not Hercules.
Of course, even if Paul is talking specifically about our responsibility to get along with others and God’s power working in us to accomplish that, we can legitimately apply this truth to other things. And we can also individualize it. After all, if we are to do this collectively, we are each going to need to live paradoxically.
Perhaps you and I have just enough will power to turn our will over to God. And that is enough.
“No Shortcuts”
On a trip, my wife hates to hear me say, “I think I’ll try a shortcut.” She has good reason to be wary of my “shortcuts”, because they usually give us a great deal of time to see places we didn’t necessarily plan to see. (That is “man talk” that translates to “we get lost and waste a lot of time”.)
In life also, I am prone to the folly of shortcuts. These almost always turn out to be the long way home. Worse yet, many of them end up being blind alleys.
A friend of mine put me onto a wonderful website that has snippets of Native American wisdom. Much of it is in line with Christian teachings. Here is a good one from this morning:
““The best teachers have shown me that things have to be done
bit by bit. Nothing that means anything happens quickly – we
only think it does.”
— Joseph Bruchac, ABENAKI
There are no short cuts. Every tree must grow according to the growth plan of the
Creator. Every flower must grow according to the plan of God. The moon must make
its trip around the earth according to God’s plan. Every human being must grow according
to the plan of the Creator. Sometimes we look at ourselves and we think we are not growing
but we are always growing. Because we cannot see it with our minds does not mean it is not
happening. We must be patient with ourselves and let the Creator direct our growth.
My Creator, let me be patient. Let me realize that You are in charge of all things. Let me realize
that I must grow my roots a little at a time to become strong.” (https://wellbriety.com/meditations/, accessed 08-16-2022)
The Bible is also aware of the danger of what are often shortcuts in name only. Here are a few verses for us to chew on (slowly)—today or any day.
“Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.” (Proverbs 21:5, New Living Translation)
“Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention.” (Matthew 7:13-14, The Message)
Of course, the Bible is full of stories that exemplify the same truth. God had promised Abram (a.k.a. Abraham) land and children. He had neither. His wife had been unable to conceive and was now too old to do so anyway. So, they decided on a shortcut to help God out of God’s bind: surrogate motherhood through Hagar, Sarah’s slave. It did not turn out well. Shortcuts don’t, as a general rule.
So, dear reader, if your life and your progress are going slower than you think they should, you’re probably right on schedule. Only cancers grow quickly.
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