A comrade in the struggle against addiction gave me a wonderful metaphor today for how to look at our life. One of our topics was sharing our experience, hope, and strength concerning how to move beyond our own limited perceptions of our own selves.
One brother, Frank (not his real name) said, “Sometimes, I think I’m opening the shutters of my mind just a crack, and looking out on reality. But the problem is that I am just seeing all the ways I’ve harmed myself and others.”
We all nodded. Non-addicts sometimes fear that people acknowledge their “addiction” (if there is really even such a thing, according to the very skeptical), in order to excuse their own destructive choices. I would not deny that there are those who use addiction language in that manner. However, what I have experienced—as well as I’ve noticed about my fellow-addicts—is that twelve-step recovery programs generally tend to heighten the realization of the radical, multiple harms we’ve done.
So, our real problem is that we tend to think of ourselves as addicts and nothing else.
. . . Well, back to the comments Frank was making. He wasn’t quite finished. His next contribution brought me up short. Probably did the same for several others. Our nodding heads suddenly became cocked heads as we listened to Frank say something many of us had not thought of. Or perhaps, we had simply forgotten.
“But then, I open the shutters wider, and I see more of the landscape. And what I see is still the evils I’ve done, but I also see a lot of good things I’ve done.”
Of course, my sweet wife has often reminded me of all the good things I’ve done over the years. Some friends have tried to tell me as well.
However, for the past several weeks, I’ve been struggling with a depression deeper than any I’ve experienced for a long time. So, perhaps I was just needier and open to hearing this truth this morning. Suddenly, the shutters of my mind were thrown wide open!
Here is the truth: None of us is a bag of gold. None of us is a total dirt bag. What all of us are is a mixed bag. Humility doesn’t mean opening the shutters only enough to hate ourselves for the very real wrongs we’ve done. Humility is throwing open the shutters wide, and seeing what is really there—everything, the good bad, and the search-me-stuff.
And perhaps, running fast across the landscape, we may see a loving Father, running toward us to rescue all of his scared little adults and children, who are his prodigal children.
Have you ever heard of “laughter clubs?” I hadn’t until this morning.
It began with curiosity, as most wonderful things do. “‘This is amazing,’ Moses said to himself. ‘Why isn’t that bush burning up? I must go see it.’” The woman-who-was-no-longer-at-the-well said to her neighbors, “Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?”
I was curious as to what feelings or emotions really are. This curiosity was not academic. I’ve been struggling with all kinds of emotions here of late, especially feelings of depression.
Plus, last night at work, I had a bad spell physically. For the first two hours, I was feeling fine. We weren’t all that busy, but I had several customers. But then, I suddenly got very short of breath and flushed, dizzy, and sick at my stomach. I clocked out early, and drove home the back way so as not to encounter a lot of traffic. I drove very slowly, and did not sideswipe anyone, though I’m sure I weaved a bit, and no doubt irritated a lot of drivers behind me. (I pulled off whenever I could, in order to let them go around me. Fortunately, it was too dark for me to detect any rude gestures.)
Feeling depressed is a serious matter. Feeling bad physically isn’t exactly pleasant either. A cocktail of the two is especially toxic. I still felt bad this morning. I say again that my curiosity was not academic. It was intensely practical.
I ended up at the following web site: http://www.laughteronlineuniversity.com/feelings-vs-emotions/, accessed 12-16-2016. Since the author of this site mentioned that fact that he had been interviewed on NPR, I then went there to read their summary of the interview with him. (If you would like to do the same, go to: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6641178, accessed 12-16-2016.)
This is how I found out about laughter clubs—clubs where people get together to do laughing exercises. Just thinking about this, I got to laughing so hard that I was afraid that I would awaken my wife. The very idea! Laughing clubs! Really?!?
And, as inexplicably as it came, the depression was gone.
Anybody want to join my club? There are no dues. The only requirement is to be willing to laugh. You don’t even have to mean it.
“NLT Psalm 85:1 For the choir director: A psalm of the descendants of Korah. LORD, you poured out blessings on your land! You restored the fortunes of Israel. 2 You forgave the guilt of your people– yes, you covered all their sins. Interlude 3 You held back your fury. You kept back your blazing anger. 4 Now restore us again, O God of our salvation. Put aside your anger against us once more. 5 Will you be angry with us always? Will you prolong your wrath to all generations? 6 Won’t you revive us again, so your people can rejoice in you? 7 Show us your unfailing love, O LORD, and grant us your salvation. 8 I listen carefully to what God the LORD is saying, for he speaks peace to his faithful people. But let them not return to their foolish ways. 9 Surely his salvation is near to those who fear him, so our land will be filled with his glory. 10 Unfailing love and truth have met together. Righteousness and peace have kissed! 11 Truth springs up from the earth, and righteousness smiles down from heaven. 12 Yes, the LORD pours down his blessings. Our land will yield its bountiful harvest. 13 Righteousness goes as a herald before him, preparing the way for his steps.”
I was feeling more than a little down about how little I’ve loved Jesus or people this morning. Indeed, I was feeling that I had not served Jesus or people at all.
I asked God for a Scripture to lift my sagging heart. The Bible “just happened” to be open at Psalm 85. My eyes fell upon vs. 7: “Show us your unfailing love, O LORD, and grant us your salvation.”
I thought that “unfailing love” sounded pretty good, but then I said to myself, “But what about all the evil I’ve done in my lifetime, as well as the good I have not done?” So, I decided to go back and read the entire psalm, to see what else it might have to say. I’m glad that I did!
Vs. 2 was especially sweet. “You forgave the guilt of your people– yes, you covered all their sins.” I looked at this in Hebrew, and the word “all” actually means ALL!
Now, we have to be careful. The last part of vs. 8 sounds a warning note. God’s forgiven people (Israel, the Church, this believer) are warned not to return to their/our/my foolish ways. God’s love can and does forgive and cover all our wrong-doings. However, God’s love is not an excuse for continuing in our wrong-doing ways.
Someone has put it this way: God loves us just as we are, but God loves us too much to leave us just as we are. Yes!
Oh, God, thanks for the loving affirmation, but also for the loving warning! Both are needed, and both are good!
POSTSCRIPT: Right after posting this, I turned on K-Love Radio, and the Song “Live Like You’re Loved” came on. Yes, indeed!
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