DTEB, “DOING AWAY WITH MYSELF”
“A man who is wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.” (Source unknown)
“Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows, they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, The Big Book, p. 62, italics mine)
I like to think of myself as a fairly generous, compassionate person. Today, before worship even began, I realized that everything I had ever done or wanted to do that was good has been about me.
The worship music spoke of what God had done for us in Christ. It was wonderful music, but I couldn’t sing much. I was too busy trying to hold back the tears. I hoped to hear something encouraging in the sermon. I didn’t. The pastor talked about compassion. Talking about compassion to a person who just realized his own core selfishness is like pouring water on a drowning man.
At the end of the worship service, there was an invitation to come forward for prayer. I wanted to, but felt that I was just too far gone in my selfishness. I felt so lost in myself.
However, afterwards I found one of the elders at the church with whom I have a good relationship, broke down crying, and asked him to pray for me. (Nothing wrong with the rest of our elders; I just know Gary better.)
My first generous act was to give away my “secret” (??) about being so selfish. Hey, feeble generosity is better than no generosity at all.
And afterwards, I felt so much better. I also felt that, perhaps, even though everything I had ever done had been tainted by my me-ness, there had been some genuine generosity in some of it. The seeds—or at least the desire—had been there in me all along. But the ground was too frozen or too hard for the seeds to germinate.
However, spring is here, no matter how much it may look or feel like winter. Time to break up the soil a bit. Time to tend the seeds. Time to begin to harvest generosity.
I can’t do away with myself, but I can allow my generous God to do something with me! I have repeatedly shown myself incapable of whole-hearted generosity. However, with God, all things are possible. Not easy. Just possible.
I grew up on a two-hundred-acre farm in Adams County. We had a huge garden. One year, there wasn’t much (if any) rain, and the ground was very hard and crusty. The lima beans weren’t able to push their way through the hard soil. My dad bent down and began carefully scraping off the crust, allowing the lima beans to pop up.
I have a Heavenly Father, too. He doesn’t really want to do away with me. He doesn’t want me to do away with myself.
What does He want?
He wants me to allow Him to scrape away my hard, crusty soil. He wants to allow the seeds of generosity to germinate and grow.
He wants that for all of us.
1 Samuel 30:6 David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the LORD his God. (New Living Translation)
I wasn’t feeling particularly strong this morning physically, emotionally, or spiritually. So, I thought of 1 Samuel 30:6.
A literal translation of that last sentence would be “And David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.” It was something he did to himself. (For Hebrew students, the verb translated “strengthened” of “found strength” is a hithpa`el.)
We are told in 1 Samuel some of the things that had taken place up to this point. David had been on the run from King Saul for years. He had finally taken refuge with the Philistines, but they did not altogether trust him. He had offered to go to war on the side of his Philistine host. We are not told whether the offer was sincere or not. As is often the case, David’s motives are opaque.
David was sent back to the town he and his marauders had been given by the Philistines, Ziklag. However, as they drew near, all they saw was a pile of burned rubble. The Amalekites had raided Ziklag, and taken all the possessions and family members of David and his men. David’s men seem to have been very loyal to him generally, but loyalty has its limits. They were so devastated that “they began to talk of stoning” David.
But then, we are told that “David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.” We are not told how he did that, just that he did it.
How do you strengthen yourself in the LORD? I don’t really know, but I do have some suspicions. Here is what works for me.
How did God answer Paul’s prayer? “Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
Weakness, when acknowledged and submitted to God, is the strongest form of strength.
This is one of the most audacious ways of addressing God that anyone could possibly imagine.
It is a command to God to listen to the suffering, praying person. The verbs “incline” and “hear” are in the imperative. The psalmist is commanding the God of the universe to listen!
Does this strike anyone besides me as being strange, inappropriate—even blasphemous?
And yet, there it is: a mortal creature made of skin and bones, ultimately made from dust, and destined for dust, telling the Creator of the Universe to listen.
But perhaps genuine prayer always verges on blasphemy.
I am especially struck by the command to God to lean (“incline”) His ear to this petitioner. Is God perhaps going deaf? After all, he is called “the Ancient of Days” in Daniel 7:13! Perhaps God is too old to hear prayers unless he leans forward?
However, I suspect that there are other reasons why a person might lean forward to listen.
A person leans forward when someone is speaking in order to show the speaker that the listener is really interested and listening deeply. Just as a lover leans forward to hear something his beloved is saying, just as a good friend leans into what we are saying, so it is with God. Strange as it may sound, God actually likes to listen to us.
Perhaps a person leans forward when the speaker’s voice is faint. And let’s face it: Sometimes our voices are in fact faint. At such times, we can (and probably should), picture God leaning forward to listen to our desperate whisper.
Sometimes an adult leans forward to listen to a child. We all become little children in certain situations. When we feel that we are surrounded by enemies (Psalm 17:9), we may pray like little children, running to their momma or daddy. And like the good father that God is, He bends down to listen to us.
It is a hauntingly bold metaphor, isn’t it? A God who leans forward to listen, and a praying person who is allowed to command God to do just that! When was the last time I commanded God to lean forward? Perhaps now would be a good time.
Recent Comments