“Depends on Where You Look”
Is the world (or at least the human part of the world) a mess? Or is the world achingly beautiful?
Depends on where you look.
For example, this morning I was outside, and I nearly witnessed a wreck. The highway department is working on a small section of road near our house. In order to avoid a longer detour, people are cutting through the housing development across the road from us. This is despite the signs that read “NO THRU TRAFFIC”! The sign is positioned so that it blocks the right lane at the entry of the subdivision. Of course, many people are paying absolutely no attention to the sign, and there is a lot of traffic through this residential area.
So, there was a truck pulling a trailer waiting to pull out of the subdivision onto the main highway, and there was a car trying to turn left into the subdivision. But the sign was in the way, so the car turning left got hung up with his/her car right in the path of oncoming traffic on the main road. A car came barreling down the highway from the other direction. Fortunately, he/she was able to stop before hitting the car. But it was close.
Why all this unnecessary drama? Hurry, I suppose, and an unwillingness to obey the law because people were in a hurry. I am reminded of what someone said many years ago when things weren’t quite as hurried as they are now. “Hurry is not of the devil. Hurry is the devil.” Hurry is ugly, and it breeds more ugliness.
But the reason I was outside to see this little scenario unfolding was because of beauty. The sun was just coming up and kissing the tops of the trees, when a very brief shower arrived from the west. I hustled downstairs and out the kitchen door to see if there was a rainbow. There wasn’t, or at least, I didn’t see one. But the sunrise was beautiful, and the fragrance in the air after the shower reminded me of the Garden of Eden, even though I’ve never there. A few leaves were falling from a nearby tree, and my wife’s flowers were as stunningly beautiful as the one who planted them.
We need to look at the ugliness of life and consider whether we might be contributing to it. Yes, we do! And slowing down enough to obey the warning signs might be advisable as well. There are a lot of small children in that subdivision across the road. Being in a hurry and not heeding the signs could lead to something much more horrendous than a car accident.
But we need to look at the beauty of life as well. Indeed, we need to look, not only at the beauty, but for the beauty.
Everything depends on where you look.
“Lust, Entitlement, and Pride”
One of my fellow addicts summarized his basic struggles (and my own) in the following manner: “My problem was lust, entitlement, and pride.
Lust: I want it!
Entitlement: I deserve it!
Pride: I can handle it!” (Anonymous)
He went on to say that “having a scare” won’t keep you from acting out in your addiction. Only honesty can do that.
Of course, it isn’t just addicts who struggle with lust, entitlement, and pride. These are human struggles. Addictions are just the usual human struggles on steroids, and those of us who are addicts are not a different species, just a different sub-species of human.
We are all responsible for the things we want. Wants can be encouraged or discouraged. The idea that people’s desires are malleable is behind all advertising. Advertising does not exist to tell us where to get what we need. It exists to tell us what we want, and that these wants are needs.
And, if we want something, surely we must be entitled to it, right?
One of the things for which I’ve never been able to forgive my parents is that they never consulted me to see if I actually wanted to be. I think that being is an important choice. They should have taken my feelings about the matter into their considerations!
If I was not entitled to my choice as to whether to be or not to be (and, as Shakespeare famously said, that is the question), then what else am I entitled to claim as my own? Even life is not possessed, only lived. This is true and has always been true. Covid-19 has simply reminded us of this basic fact.
And then, there is pride, the pretense that “I can handle this.” No, you can’t. Neither can I. The truth is that we do need other people. And I believe that we also—indeed, supremely—need God. That’s true for a baby in arms, for the elderly (which I am now), and for a strong twenty-something person. We may not like it, but it is still true.
So, whether you are an addict or not, I hope that you’ll be honest. It might be a good, daily routine to put in place to begin your day with three basic, honest confessions:
- I am responsible for my wants, and I don’t really need to have many of them.
- I am not entitled to anything.
- I can’t and don’t have to do this alone, whatever the “this” is.
I am not promising that this will be a miracle cure for whatever ails you. I am saying, from my own experience and that of many others, that if you will confess these things and live them out, your life will get gradually better and be enriched in a thousand ways.
Of course, the living out of these confessions is the thing, isn’t it?
DTEB, “Yard Sign with which I Mostly Agree: Principles Above Personalities”
I was walking back from the auto repair shop (new brakes) and was noticing a lot of political signs. I live in a very pro-Trump area, so I was not surprised to find that there were quite a few signs for the Trump-Pence ticket. I did see one yard that had two signs: “Black Lives Matter” and “Biden-Harris.”
Many yards had no signs at all. Did this mean that they simply didn’t care? Or did it mean that they didn’t want to indicate to other people for whom they are planning to vote? Or do they simply not like yard signs?
As I mulled over these matters, I saw a yard sign that looked different. At first, I thought it might be a sign for someone who had painted the house or done some other kind of work for the homeowner. But, when I stopped for a closer look, I read the following:
This was rather refreshing. That is not to say that I agree with it all. If “WOMEN’S RIGHTS” are intended to include the right to an abortion as a means of birth control, I find this very problematic. But, other than that, I agree with everything else. (And, incidentally, and with the realization that many of you will vociferously disagree, I do not think that the abortion issue is the only one for us to consider during this election cycle.)
However, what I found particularly refreshing about this sign was not simply what it said, but more so, what it implied. The implication of the sign was that principles matter more than personalities.
The last phrase of the twelfth tradition of twelve-step groups is that we “. . . place principles before personalities.” And that is something about which we should all think deeply. What are our principles? Not opinions, but our deep convictions and principles. Not our own personalities or those of others, but the deepest core of who we are as individuals and as a nation.
And this is something we need to do, not once every four years, or two years, or each year. This matter of having good, solid principles and living them out is the journey of a lifetime. In fact, such a journey may be another word for life itself.
My own belief is that principles and convictions need to be anchored in God. I believe that God’s own principles flow out of the deepest part of who God is. And at this point, at least, God wants us to be like God.
If we want to have really good, solid principles, perhaps we should think more about God, and less about Trump-Pence and Biden-Harris.
“What I Get Out of Depression”
A friend who knows that I struggle with depression asked me a very fine, probing question: “What do you get from being depressed?” Really good friends are the ones who ask you the tough questions that you don’t have the courage to ask yourself. This question was a dandy!
Hummm! What do I get out of being depressed? Two things come to mind right away.
First, when I’m depressed, I get some sympathy. One problem with this is that, after a while, even good friends and my wife (who is the best of friends) get weary of catering to my grey moods. Sometimes my depression is a colossal form of selfishness. I am not saying this about your depression, only my own. However, if the shoe fits and all that jazz.
Another problem with the sympathy that I get from others when I’m depressed is a strange phenomenon: When I’m depressed, I can’t metabolize the kindness and sympathy of others. Depression is a kind of Crone’s Disease of the mind and emotions. The more I crave understanding from others, the less good it does me. When I’m depressed, I find myself starving for the very things that those who love me are so desperately feeding me.
A second “benefit” of my depression (and I use the word “benefit” very loosely) is that depression gives me the right to do nothing for myself or for anyone else. Depression thus feeds my laziness. The net effect of doing nothing for myself or for anyone else is, quite predictably, deeper depression.
So, what I really “get” out of depression is . . . more depression! The best thing I can get out of depression is myself.
“Prepared? Or Just Lookin’?”
Are you prepared? Or are you just lookin’? What I mean by these questions will become clearer if you consider the following proverb that I listened to this morning.
Prov. 20:4: “A lazy-bones never plows during the fall, but he looks for a harvest—and there isn’t one.” (My paraphrase from the Hebrew)
“How foolish!” you say? “Why would anyone expect a harvest when he hasn’t planted anything or even plowed the field?”
Yes! But are we really so different from this man? Maybe you are, but I am not.
- I weigh myself, but don’t lose weight. That might be connected with the fact that I eat the wrong things and that I eat too much even of the right things. I’m looking, but I’m not preparing.
- I expect to sleep better, but eat and drink late at night, and spend too much time on the computer and my smart phone late in the evening. I’m looking, but I’m not preparing.
- I want to say that I’ve read a lot of good books, but I never actually read them. I’m looking, but I’m not preparing.
The list goes on. I will not.
Years ago, a good friend of mine and I were playing golf. He is a good golfer. I, on the other hand, find lots of balls in the woods and the weeds. (My idea of achieving a below par score is finding more balls in the woods and weeds than I’ve lost. And if you have to ask my what I’m doing in the weeds or the woods in the first place, you either don’t know anything about golf, or you have not had your coffee yet.)
I had just made an incredibly poor shot, but one with a lucky result. My friend (who is not big on offering advice), asked, “Are you more interested in product or process?” That cooled my jets! However, I actually wanted to get better at golf in those days, so I answered that process might be helpful. He gave me good counsel that improved my chipping game immensely.
“Product or process?” Committing myself to process is the name of the game. That’s true in golf and in life.
“Of Flourishing Tents and Destroyed Houses”
“The house of the wicked will be destroyed,
but the tent of the upright will flourish.”
(Proverbs 14:11 English Standard Version)
I’ve lived in both houses and tents, and I can make the following statement with great confidence: Houses are definitely more stable than tents.
When I was about eleven years old, I went through a camping phase. “Camping” meant my dad throwing one of his good tarps over the wooden fence that separated our yard from the pasture, and anchoring the tarp with ropes and wooden pegs. This worked well until it didn’t. One morning I woke to find that the cows had eaten the ropes on the pasture side of the tent and a good chunk of the tarp. (I thought that it felt a little cooler than usual, but I was a hearty sleeper back in those days.)
Needless to say, I wasn’t very happy about the ending of my roughing-it career. Neither was my dad, since that was his best tarp. The cows, however, were fine and never asked forgiveness.
I have to say, though, that I was glad to be back in my own bed. No mosquitoes, and evener temps. So, I decided—even at that early age—that houses were a lot more stable than tents. Cows generally don’t eat houses.
However, Proverbs warns that houses are not always preferable to tents. Apparently, it is the inhabitant that makes a dwelling place stable or unstable. To be wicked is to be unsubstantial no matter how sturdy your house. A tent can be a place to flourish, if the tent-dweller is living an upright life. And I am not convinced that, even if you’re upright in a tent for a long time, God is going to upgrade your tent to a house necessarily.
What does this verse mean by speaking of the tent-dweller as “upright”? The Hebrew word yashar suggests a person who is fair in his/her dealings, a person who is not twisted in character or behavior. Such a person is consistent and trustworthy.
A stable dwelling isn’t primarily a matter of a house that is built solidly. Nor is it mainly about paying off your mortgage. A stable dwelling is about being the right kind of person.
Even if the cows eat part of your tent!
“Love Binds. But is that Good?”
Years ago, my sponsor encouraged me to craft and live out daily affirmations. This practice remains a transformative habit in my day-to-day recovery and life. Today’s affirmation led to an interesting exchange with my sponsor. Here is the affirmation:
“Today, by God’s grace, I am welcoming love and also aiding its flow to others. I will choose to be madly in love with everything and everyone. This will be great sanity for me.”
My sponsor replied, “Love binds us all.”
I thought about his aphorism for a few moments, and then emailed him back, “Yes, it does. False ‘love’ binds us in chains. True love binds us in a freeing embrace.”
In other words, binding can be a good thing—except when it is not. There is a kind of binding that is done in the name of love that is not at all an expression of love. There is a binding that is an expression of fear, anger, and the desire to be in control. This kind of “love” is a very common form of human evil. Sometimes, it leads to terribly evil forms of bondage, but I suspect that we all participate in this kind of bondage in less dramatic ways. Less dramatic forms of evil are evil still.
But there is also the kind of love that binds us all in our common humanity. This is a freeing kind of love, not bondage. Paul encourages this kind of freeing binding in Colossians 3:12-14.
“Col. 3:12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (English Standard Version)
Paul encourages his original readers, and us, with some difficult things: compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, putting up with one another, and forgiving. Who is up to these things?! But then, as if that were not enough, he adds one more thing that binds all these other virtues together: love.
The God who loved the whole world so much that he gave his only son (John 3:16) calls on us to also love. God bound himself to the entire world in love in order to free us from our bondage to sin. Can we strive to do anything less than this?
“Of Longings Fulfilled and Turning from Evil”
Is God a celestial killjoy? Many people—some of them very religious people—think so. They seem to think that holiness is the opposite of having our longings fulfilled.
I’m not so sure about this. Of course, there are longings, and then there are longings. Some are good, and some are anything but. But the idea that all human longings are to be divinely squashed? No, I don’t believe that. And in fact, I have scriptural warrant for rejecting the notion that every time God sees someone having a good time, God says, “Stop that!”
“Prov. 13:19 A desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul,
but to turn away from evil is an abomination to fools.” (English Standard Version)
The first half of this saying speaks very positively about the fulfillment of human desires. There are other biblical proverbs that also speak of how wonderful it is when people get what they long for (13:12; 10:3, 24, 28; 11:7, 23; 13:4).
However, the second half of Proverbs 13:19 is surprising. I would have expected that the second half of this verse would say something like “but a frustrated desire is bitter to the heart.” But no! Instead the contrast is with those who think it a horrible thing to turn from evil—in other words, those who are “fools.” A corollary to experiencing the sweetness of fulfilled desire is apparently turning from evil. Perhaps turning from evil is even a necessary precondition for our deepest desires coming to pass.
So, far from being a celestial killjoy, God desires our joy. Jesus spoke of his desire for his disciples to be filled with his joy (John 16:24). And in the Old Testament there is this verse:
“Psa. 16:11 You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (English Standard Version)
Sin is the freely chosen frustration of our ultimate joy. Who in their right mind wants to sabotage their own joy? Unfortunately, sometimes, that is precisely what I do. Think I’ll stop!
“Starting and Ending with Yourself”
Starting and ending with yourself isn’t a good thing, except when it is. Take Psalm 103, for example.
“Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, . . .” (Psalm 103:1-2a)
The psalm ends with the same words: “. . . Bless the LORD, O my soul!” (Vs. 22)
Why does the psalmist begin with talking to his own soul? I can think of two opposite reasons. Perhaps the psalmist was so full of praise that he couldn’t contain it. There are people like that. And there are times like that. There are times when we are so full of gratitude and praise that, even if we don’t know God very well, our hearts are so supercharged that we have to speak to our hearts (or our soul) to encourage even more gratitude and praise. Today is such a day for me. It is a beautiful, cool, autumn day in the late summer, and my sweetheart is coming back home later today.
But there is another possibility. Perhaps the psalmist was struggling with some really difficult things in his life and had to talk to himself. Someone has said that “sometimes we need to listen to ourselves, and sometimes we need to talk to ourselves.” They have a wonderful saying in England that I’ve come to love: “Have a word with yourself!” Sometimes we all need to do that, to have a word with ourseleves. That is a frequent chorus in the song of my life.
Whatever the reason he had for encouraging his soul to give thanks, the psalmist had lots of reasons to praise God.
“Bless the LORD, O my soul!
and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel. The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments. The LORD has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.”
And then, as if his own soul’s praise wasn’t nearly enough, the psalmist encourages the very angels to praise God. Indeed, all of God’s works are told to praise God. And as C.S. Lewis said, “I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation.”
“Bless the LORD, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word! Bless the LORD, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will! Bless the LORD, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.
(Psalm 103:1–22, English Standard Version)
Nevertheless, the psalmist ends as he began: with telling his inmost being (his “soul”) to praise the LORD.
Gratitude and praise should embrace all of what God does for me, for us, for the universe. But it begins and ends with a personal decision to praise and give thanks.
“On Being Corrected and Being Stupid”
I used to think that if someone corrected me, that meant I was stupid. Just today, I realized that I was stupid for thinking this. This revelation hit me while I was listening to Proverbs on my You Version app, and shaving. I nearly cut off my ear when I came to Proverbs 12:1.
“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.” (Christian Standard Bible)
“Whoa!” I exclaimed. “Back up there! Did you just say what I thought you said?! Did you say that the stupid stick is what hits people who hate correction?”
Yep, that is what it says! It is not being corrected that indicates that we are stupid. Rather, it is hating correction that makes us stupid. It isn’t being wrong that makes a body stupid. It is refusing to allow oneself to be corrected that raises our S.Q. (Stupid Quotient).
I felt very foolish for not having seen this before—until, that is, I reflected for a moment. “Wait a minute: I just allowed myself to be corrected! Maybe there’s hope for me yet!”
Indeed, there is hope for all of us. Don’t be stupid. Be corrected!
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