Posts Tagged: 12-step meetings

“Self-Discipline: The Good, the Bad, and the Very Very Ugly”

On July 26, 2022 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; . . . .” (Galatians 5:22-23, English Standard Version)

Usually, I think of self-discipline as a good thing. However, in a recent twelve-step meeting, a couple of people pointed out that it ain’t necessarily so.

One of my fellow-addicts said that, for him, a rigid self-discipline and a tight schedule were ways of avoiding reality. And (of course) all that addicts ever want out of reality is out—out of reality, that is. Another twelve-stepper commented that acquiring self-discipline is, in a sense, part of the problem. What we really need to acquire is humility.

It is true that sometimes people use self-control in unhealthy ways. They can use their own self-control to manipulate and control others. (“I am losing weight. Why aren’t you?”) Also, people can use self-control in one area—or even in many areas—of their life to justify being out of control in another. (“Sure, I drink too much, but I always show up for work on time.”)  I’m sure that there are other ways of misusing self-control. There are always many ways of turning our virtues into vices. Humans are quite adept at this.

This doesn’t mean that self-control is inherently a bad thing. It does mean that self-control can be used in misguided ways. Perhaps this is why, in Paul’s list of the fruit of the Spirit in his letter to the Galatian Christ-followers, Paul mentions self-control last. Maybe it is only as we cultivate love (which leads off the list) and all the other virtues in the list that self-control assumes its proper role in our lives.

, , , , , ,

“A WELCOMING FACE”

On October 9, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

A twelve-step friend, Sean, gave me a wonderful word of encouragement after the meeting this past Saturday.  He said to me, “You are always smiling.”

“Well,” I replied, “I’m not sure about that, but thanks!”  Then I added, “I don’t think of myself as having a very nice smile.  I look in the mirror and frown.  That, of course, makes me look even older and uglier.  Maybe I just need to stop looking in the mirror.”

And then, Sean said, “Well, I think you have a very welcoming face!”

Oh, my—“a welcoming face”!  I had never heard that expression before!

It’s a good expression, isn’t it?  I hope that Sean is right about me.  I certainly want him to be right.

Of course, I don’t always have a welcoming face.  Sometimes my face is harsh or judgmental or just plain closed off.  My face, like the rest of me, is a work in progress.  Still, I am profoundly grateful that someone experiences my face as welcoming.

So, how does a person cultivate a welcoming face?

Let me ask you a simpler question: How does a baby learn to smile?  I suppose that the answer is that a baby learns to smile by watching others smile.  And, of course, it is easy to smile at a baby, isn’t it?

Perhaps I’ve learned to have a welcoming face because others have given me their own welcoming faces.  Some, particularly my wife, have done this in spite of the fact that I have so frequently been frightfully cruel to them in the past.  A welcoming face is a gift that has been given to me by others, before I could give it to others.

Ultimately, I believe that God has the most welcoming face in the universe.  Perhaps that is what is meant by the expression in Numbers 6:25.  As part of the priestly blessing, Aaron and his descendants are told that they are to say to the Israelites, “May the LORD make his face shine on you.”  Perhaps God’s “shining face” is another way of speaking of God’s welcoming face.

But please notice an aspect of this that I frequently forget: The reference to the LORD’s welcoming face is immediately followed by the blessing of God’s grace.

God does not have a welcoming heart and face because we are so wonderful.  God has a welcoming heart and face because God is so wonderful.

, , , , , , , ,

“Spending the Day With God”

On July 14, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I make gratitude lists most days, usually in the early morning.  I often give thanks for the same things and people.  But today, I included something I had never listed before, as far as I know.  It was this: “I am grateful for getting to spend the day with God.”

I thought to myself, what would that look like?  Then, I thought, maybe it would be like spending the day with my sweetheart, my wife.  We would enjoy whatever we were doing together.

So, I made up my mind that I was going to be on the lookout for things for God and me to enjoy.  On my way to meet my friend who carts me to my twelve-step meetings, I stopped by the park to hit some softballs off the tee.  The sun wasn’t up yet.  There were a few purple, pink, and grey clouds in the sky, and the field was draped in a lovely grey fog.  “Well done!” I said to God.  I even hit the softballs pretty well.  (Whether this transfers to my actual hitting in a game remains to be seen.)

Then I changed socks and shoes, and headed to Planet Fitness to meet my friend to go to the twelve-step meetings.  I was a bit early and he was a bit late.  In fact, we were both right on time.

I went to the necessary room at P.F., and then walked outside to wait for my ride.  He wasn’t there yet, so I decided to walk around in the parking lot, looking for change.  God and I didn’t find any change, but we did find a wonderful treasure—an important conversation and a wonderful story.

“Did you lose something?” asked a lady who was sitting in her vehicle.

“No,” I replied.  “I’m just looking for change.  I’m afraid that I am a terrible cheapskate.”

“Oh, I look for change too!” she continued.  “In fact, I’m a Christian . . .” she began.

“Me too!” I exclaimed, interrupting her.

“I don’t think this a chance meeting,” she said.  “Well, as I was saying, I’m a Christian, and one time I was praying to God about some bills that I simply couldn’t pay.  Right after I prayed, I walked out to get in my car to go somewhere, and noticed a fast food bag that had been thrown out in my neighbor’s yard.  I felt prompted to go over and pick it up to throw it away.  But then, I felt prompted to look inside.  I didn’t want to do that.  I mean, who wants to see someone’s else’s yucky remnants of food?  When I looked in the bag, there was a big wad of money, enough to pay my bills.”

Our conversation swirled on to other things, and then she admitted, rather sadly, “I’m afraid that I’m not as close to God as I used to be.  And I want to get back close to Him again.”

I ventured, “Well, do you go to church anywhere regularly?”

“No, I don’t,” she replied.

“There are a lot of good ones around,” I said.  “Crossroads meets right in this area.  I go to the Crossing, and it is a really good church.  It bills itself as “a messed up church, for messed up people, with a messed up ministry staff, that exists to introduce people to the One who can clean up their messes.”

“It sounds like my kind of church!” she exclaimed.

I left her with a prayer.

Spending the day with God sure is fun!  Maybe it is even more than spending the day with God.  Perhaps it is an investment.  And even more than fun, it brings joy.

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Follow on Feedly