Posts Tagged: accountability

“ON NOT CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME”

On August 12, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“What other people think of me is really none of my business.”  Thus spoke one of my 12-step friends.  He had been told he was ugly, not once but twice, this morning.

He isn’t ugly.  In fact, I told him that he looked like love to me.

But back to his saying that “what other people think of me is really none of my business”—I think that my friend is mostly right, but perhaps, a little wrong.

He is right because other people don’t know enough about our inner workings to evaluate us.  They can, perhaps, evaluate specific, external performance, but our innards, not so much.  Really, not at all!   He is also right because we can’t control what others think of us.  It is literally “none of our business.”

So, what is wrong with my friend’s saying?  Two things, I think.

First, if we think of ourselves as completely insulated from what others think of us, we also may miss out on their encouraging words and thoughts.  And we all need encouraging words at times.  Some encouraging words we remember from long ago.

Over thirty years ago, in a men’s accountability/prayer group, I was bemoaning the fact that I have a high tenor voice.  One of the guys in the group, Danny, said, “Well, your voice just sounds like love to me.”  The fact that I still remember his words all these years later demonstrates the power and longevity of an encouraging word.

But second, there is an equally important reason why we should care about what others think of us and say to us.  If we do not pay attention to what others think and say about us, we may miss certain unpleasant, but necessary, truths about ourselves.  People often convey to me that I talk too much.  They usually do this through teasing.  That may not be the best approach.  Perhaps it would be better to be direct, and simply say, “Sometimes, you talk too much.”  But whether it is said directly or indirectly, I need to listen.  I can’t see my own blind spots.  If I could, they would be called “seen spots,” wouldn’t they?  How can I grow, if I don’t pay attention to what others think of me?

So, there are two things I need to care about concerning what others think of me: encouragement about what is right with me, and accountability in areas where I need to grow.  Beyond those two things, what others think of me really isn’t any of my business.

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“The Four-A Approach to Handling Emotions and Everything Else”

On May 5, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Today’s blog post is brought to you by the letter “A”!

A friend of mine and I were talking about handling anger.  He made some very helpful observations.  Between the two of us, I have come up with an interesting way of handling anger and other emotions—or anything else, for that matter.  It may or may not be original.  However, it might be helpful, and helpful is so much more important than original.

So, here is my Four-A Approach to Handling Anger, Other Emotions, and Whatever Else.

A-1: AWARENESS.

Be aware of what you are feeling and what is happening within and around you.  Slow down, and become increasingly aware of what might be underlying what is happening within you and around you.

A-2: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

Acknowledge to God, to yourself, and to another human being what you are feeling and what is happening within and around you.  This will help you to become even more aware.

A-3: ACCOUNTABILITY.

Make yourself accountable to at least one other human being.  This should be someone who accepts you as you are, but doesn’t put up with any crap.

A-4: ACTION.

People are made for action.  However, it needs to be purposeful action, and the purpose needs to be a good purpose.  What good, purposeful action are you and I going to take to manage and appropriately express our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions today?

Of course, none of these words that start with the letter “A” is easy.  For example, just try being aware for one day or one hour.  It ain’t easy!  However, I suspect they might work.

I think I’ll try practicing these things, and find out!

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