Posts Tagged: addiction recovery

“Freedom to Be Myself”

On February 15, 2023 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

My 12-step sponsee was writing about how recovery from addiction feels so free and good. I responded with the aphorism, “To be free of self is to be a self that is free.” I am not sure if this is original. I kind of doubt it. More importantly, I believe it is true.

Since I was probably about 14 or 15 years old, I have realized that there were several different “selves” living in me, some of which I liked and was proud of and some of which I didn’t and wasn’t. Over the years, the selves I didn’t like became more and more prominent. I suspect that this is not a totally unfamiliar dynamic to some of you. As someone has said, “We don’t become better with age, just more so.”

Speaking to some Jewish folks who had (at least tentatively) believed in him, Jesus said, “If the son sets you free, you are free indeed.” (John 8:36, my translation) Jesus had just spoken to these sort-of believers about freedom. Immediately, there was a problem. They thought that they were already free. After all, they were the offspring of Abraham. How could they be anything other than free.

But Jesus wasn’t buying it. He pointed out to these “free” people that anyone who sins is the slave of sin. This is certainly true of the patterns we call addiction, but it is true with any and every kind of evil thoughts and behaviors. Yes, we are free to sin. No, we are not free once we do. And with every wrong-doing, the next wrong-doing becomes soooo much easier. Perhaps our friends and loved ones—and even strangers—can see our chains and hear them rattling, but we cannot. Ignorance doesn’t make the chains unreal. Ignorance just makes us unreal.

But there is a way out. Jesus claimed to be that way. We forge our own chains, put them on, and then trudge through life, less and less alive. We forged the chains and put them on, but we can’t take them off. Addicts who are in recovery know this. In some ways, we are the lucky ones. “Normal people”, if such people even exist, may fool themselves into thinking they are free. Recovering addicts know better. We know that, without a Higher Power, we continue to be slaves. Not every recovering addict knows that this Higher Power is manifested in Jesus, but there are many who do believe this. I am one of them. And when I am living the Jesus-way, I do indeed find that I am free from self and free to be my self.

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“UNMISTAKABLE DAWN: GRADUALLY, IT DAWNS ON YOU . . .”

On September 25, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.” (Proverbs 4:18.New International Version.)

“By surrendering our lives to God as we understand Him, we are changed.  The nature of this change is evident in recovered alcoholics.  This personality change is not necessarily in the nature of a sudden and spectacular upheaval.  We do not need to acquire an immediate and overwhelming God consciousness, followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook.  In most cases, the change is gradual.  Do I see a gradual and continuing change in myself?” (From the book, Twenty-Four Hours a Day.)

The dawn never really comes suddenly, although at times we notice it suddenly.  At first, it may seem a little less dark than before.  Eventually, it seems that there is a little more light, though you may still think that you are engaging in wishful thinking.  But eventually, the dawn has arrived unmistakably.

There is a song that says, “I know this light won’t last forever.”  But there certainly are seemingly forever-nights.  However, it is not so.  If we stick around, the dawn will come.

Perhaps this entire mortal life we are living is one long night.  It probably seems so for all of us at times.  And for some people, night is all they know all of their lives.

However, the Bible talks about Heaven as a place of light.  Occasionally, I think I see a glimmer of it on the horizon, but night has a way of reasserting itself.  And on dreary cloudy days, it is difficult to believe that there is a sun.

As I write this, the sun appears to be attempting to make an appearance.  I suspect that it will only be a cameo appearance, if it shows up at all.  However, I believe that this entire life is a rehearsal for the real performance.  We can all be stars in that performance, if we choose to be.

And the lighting will be perfect!

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“CULTIVATING MY INNER OBSERVER”

On November 13, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. (Romans 8:16 NLT)”

“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.” (Ephesians 3:16 NTL)

At our twelve-step meeting the other day, we read a brief section from a recovery book that dealt with creating an “inner observer” that is “discerning, honest, and wise.”

I was somewhat familiar with this concept.  Some of my familiarity came from reading good books and listening to wise people.  However, another source of my familiarity came from a dream that I had.

Sometimes, I have very vivid dreams.  At the end of one of these vivid dreams, just before I awoke, I noticed that there was someone standing in the shadows observing everything that was going on.  I walked up to him, unable to see his face, and asked, “Who are you?”

He replied, “Who is it who asks?”

And with that, I awoke.  I cannot remember the dream at all, but I have been haunted ever since by this mystery man’s question.

I have encountered the idea of a neutral “inner observer” before.  In fact, I may have encountered this idea before my dream.  That prior encounter may have provided the raw material for that aspect of my dream.  That would go far toward explaining the question and the questioner.  However, explaining something and understanding something are not the same thing.

My current (and very preliminary) way of understanding my inner observer may be described as follows.

I have several voices in my head.  (I realize that talking about “hearing voices” may raise serious issues about my mental health.  However, I suspect that it is a well-nigh universal phenomenon among humans.)

One voice I call “The Judge.”  He criticizes everything I do.  Even when I do well, it is never enough.

Another voice is “The Justifier.”  He excuses everything I do.  There are always extenuating circumstances in the mind of the justifier.

Then there is my “Inner Observer.”  He is the one without a face, the one who tends to answer a question with a question.  He is easily ignored.  His voice is hard to hear in the midst of the noise I create.  He usually tells me the truth, but I don’t always (often?) like the truth.

When I do listen to him, my life goes better.  I practiced listening to him on Saturday, and at the end of the day, my wife said, out of the clear blue sky, “I like the way you’ve treated me today.”

This inner voice’s strength and clarity can be nourished from outside by God, by meditation, by good reading, by wise counsel from others.  But I have to choose to slow down and listen.

And then there is the little matter of doing what The Voice says!

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