I do a reading from a twelve-step meditation book for some of my fellow-addicts each morning. Unbeknownst to me, I prepared for the reading by taking the dog out to do her business.
First, I should tell you a bit about our dog. She is several years old and is pretty good about doing her business outside—except when she isn’t. We still put down a pad in the hallway just in case. So, I got up early this morning (5:00 a.m.), put on the coffee, and went downstairs to take our little dog outside. I figured she was good to go (pun initially unintentional) since my wife had taken her out fairly late last night. I was mistaken.
I began to get angry, but I checked myself. “I’m not going to fly into a rage about this,” I told myself. And I didn’t.
I went upstairs, poured my coffee, opened the message app on my phone, brought up my text message group, and opened my twelve-book. Here is the epigraph, a quote from Aristotle, that began the reading:
“It is easy to fly into a passion—anybody can do that—but to be angry with the right person to the right extent and at the right time and with the right object and in the right way—that is not easy, and it is not everyone who can do it.”
Whoa!
The Bible says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:19-20, English Standard Version)
Way too often, I get things all turned around. I am quick to speak and get angry and slow to hear. We talk a lot about “righteous anger”, but how often is our anger actually righteous? Very seldom, I suspect. We don’t handle our anger very well. In fact, we don’t handle it at all. Anger man-handles us.
The other day, in my daily report to my twelve-step sponsor, I included my daily affirmation:
Today, by God’s grace, I am living a balanced and healthy life all around—spiritually, relationally, mentally, work-wise, and physically. Today, I am balance.
With a nod to one of our favorite musical groups, The Moody Blues (and their albumn “A Question of Balance”), Bob replied as follows:
“No Question of Balance?
Wishing you a well balanced day.”
Another twelve-step friend and I often pray for one another for balance. Ironically, after my e mail exchange with my sponsor, another friend pointed out something obvious this morning. It was, in fact, so obvious that I had never thought of. “Sometimes, we pursue balance in a very unbalanced way.”
True that !
Aristotle and others have lauded “the golden mean” as the ideal for human virtue. For example, go too far in the direction of courage, and you become reckless. Go too far in the direction of caution, and you become cowardly.
But what if the golden mean—that is, balance itself—becomes an unbalanced obsession? At this point, a body is in serious trouble. Obsession with balance is not balance. It is simply another obsession.
I doubt that anyone is born balanced. My wife and I had four little creatures we helped to bring into the world. I don’t remember that any of them were very balanced when they were learning to sit up. The same when they were learning to walk.
And then there were the teen years, not a stage in life known for balance for any of us.
So, how do I—how do we—pursue balance in a balanced manner? It is much easier for me to raise the question of balance than it is for me to answer it. Perhaps that, in and of itself, is an important affirmation. Perhaps my sponsor’s tongue-in-cheek allusion to The Moody Blues “A Question of Balance” is part of the answer to my dilemma concerning balance. Balance will always be a questionable quest.
That said, one possible way of thinking about balance is in terms of riding a bike. I came very late to riding a bike. I was probably in the third or fourth grade before I learned to ride.
Why was I so late learning how to ride? Now that I think about it, there were at least two reasons that were somewhat different and somewhat related.
First, I lived on a farm with uneven ground and a (sometimes) graveled driveway. Such rough terrain is not natural bike country, especially for a beginner.
I have discovered that life itself is rough terrain. There are lots of environmental realities that make balance a challenge. It is best to recognize them. As someone has said, “Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean that people really aren’t out to get you.” It is not always our fault that balance is often difficult to pursue in a balanced manner.
But the second reason I was late in learning to ride a bike is something that is more personal and harder to confess: I was afraid. I was sure that I was going to fail, that I was going to fall. Why start something when you know you’re going to fail?
Sure enough, I did fall—a lot. However, in the process of processing numerous falls, I discovered something: Falling and failing are not the same thing. And before long, I was riding a bike pretty well!
One further thought: Riding a bike is never a matter of perfect balance. Rather, it is a matter of a lot of mid-course corrections. You lean to the left, you lean to the right. You lean forward, you lean back. Balance is making a lot of small changes in what you’re doing.
And, of course, it is nigh on impossible to balance on a bicycle when I’m not in motion. If I become obsessed with balance, I’m like a kid sitting on a bike, but not going anywhere. If I am in motion in the direction I think God wants me to go, balance will still be a challenge. But it will be possible.
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