In an A. A. book titled Twenty-Four Hours a Day: The Little Black Book, today’s meditation talked about the life apart and the life impart. What do the two words “apart” and “impart” mean in this context?
The life apart refers to “. . . the life of prayer and quiet communion with God.” Whether we speak of prayer and communion with God, whether we even believe that there is a god, we all need some time alone. We may call it “time to recharge the batteries,” or “me-time,” or anything else, but we all need it. Some of us (who are introverts) need more time apart. Others of us (who are extroverts) need less. But we all need this kind of time.
Strangely enough, I consistently come out as an introvert in the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment. This surprises all my friends. It surprises me, too. I like people, and I like to talk.
On the other hand, I like people in small doses. And I only like to talk after several hours of silence, very early in the morning. I’m writing this post at 5:00 a.m. Reading and writing, like talking, are aspects of communication. However, reading and writing are also solitary, quiet activities.
But the life apart needs to be in balance with the life impart. What I gain in the silence, I need to share with others. One way that I do that is by teaching. Another way is by writing for my Down to Earth Believer website.
I am not the only one who has things to impart. Everyone does. A lot of people think that their insights and stories would be of no interest to anyone. They are dead wrong. Little children who can barely talk can make the most interesting comments in the world, and can ask the best questions in the world. So can the very old. So can everyone in between. Your story is unique to you. It can also help countless others in the world—if you impart it.
This life apart and impart involves a daily routine for me. I need balance. And although I strive for that balance, I rarely feel that I have achieved it.
When I was about nine or so, I watched a lot of shows on TV that involved circuses. (Yes, that was a thing a very long time ago.) So, I decided to become a tightrope walker. When my dad wasn’t around, I started walking on our wooden fence, south of our house. However, I pretty swiftly discovered that balance isn’t as easy as it seems. I fell . . . a lot. One day, I got off balance and came down hard straddling the wooden fence. That was the end of my tightrope career.
In a sense, we are all tightrope walkers, and balance isn’t easy in any area of life. For example, sometimes, I talk too much. I’ve known this for a very long time. I need to respect my own self by practicing the fine art of silence more often. Listening attentively and deeply to another person is also a form of communication.
But I will continue to need these quiet alone times as well. While solitary confinement is one of the worst forms of torture known to humankind, continual interaction with people is not far behind it, as a means of torture.
Balance is exceedingly important. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about tightrope walking or life itself.
God, please help me to balance my apart and my impart today.
The other day, in my daily report to my twelve-step sponsor, I included my daily affirmation:
Today, by God’s grace, I am living a balanced and healthy life all around—spiritually, relationally, mentally, work-wise, and physically. Today, I am balance.
With a nod to one of our favorite musical groups, The Moody Blues (and their albumn “A Question of Balance”), Bob replied as follows:
“No Question of Balance?
Wishing you a well balanced day.”
Another twelve-step friend and I often pray for one another for balance. Ironically, after my e mail exchange with my sponsor, another friend pointed out something obvious this morning. It was, in fact, so obvious that I had never thought of. “Sometimes, we pursue balance in a very unbalanced way.”
True that !
Aristotle and others have lauded “the golden mean” as the ideal for human virtue. For example, go too far in the direction of courage, and you become reckless. Go too far in the direction of caution, and you become cowardly.
But what if the golden mean—that is, balance itself—becomes an unbalanced obsession? At this point, a body is in serious trouble. Obsession with balance is not balance. It is simply another obsession.
I doubt that anyone is born balanced. My wife and I had four little creatures we helped to bring into the world. I don’t remember that any of them were very balanced when they were learning to sit up. The same when they were learning to walk.
And then there were the teen years, not a stage in life known for balance for any of us.
So, how do I—how do we—pursue balance in a balanced manner? It is much easier for me to raise the question of balance than it is for me to answer it. Perhaps that, in and of itself, is an important affirmation. Perhaps my sponsor’s tongue-in-cheek allusion to The Moody Blues “A Question of Balance” is part of the answer to my dilemma concerning balance. Balance will always be a questionable quest.
That said, one possible way of thinking about balance is in terms of riding a bike. I came very late to riding a bike. I was probably in the third or fourth grade before I learned to ride.
Why was I so late learning how to ride? Now that I think about it, there were at least two reasons that were somewhat different and somewhat related.
First, I lived on a farm with uneven ground and a (sometimes) graveled driveway. Such rough terrain is not natural bike country, especially for a beginner.
I have discovered that life itself is rough terrain. There are lots of environmental realities that make balance a challenge. It is best to recognize them. As someone has said, “Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean that people really aren’t out to get you.” It is not always our fault that balance is often difficult to pursue in a balanced manner.
But the second reason I was late in learning to ride a bike is something that is more personal and harder to confess: I was afraid. I was sure that I was going to fail, that I was going to fall. Why start something when you know you’re going to fail?
Sure enough, I did fall—a lot. However, in the process of processing numerous falls, I discovered something: Falling and failing are not the same thing. And before long, I was riding a bike pretty well!
One further thought: Riding a bike is never a matter of perfect balance. Rather, it is a matter of a lot of mid-course corrections. You lean to the left, you lean to the right. You lean forward, you lean back. Balance is making a lot of small changes in what you’re doing.
And, of course, it is nigh on impossible to balance on a bicycle when I’m not in motion. If I become obsessed with balance, I’m like a kid sitting on a bike, but not going anywhere. If I am in motion in the direction I think God wants me to go, balance will still be a challenge. But it will be possible.
“An Ordered Life”
“Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our foolish ways!
Reclothe us in our rightful mind,
In purer lives Thy service find,
In deeper reverence, praise.
In simple trust like theirs who heard
Beside the Syrian sea
The gracious calling of the Lord,
Let us, like them, without a word
Rise up and follow Thee.
O Sabbath rest by Galilee!
O calm of hills above,
Where Jesus knelt to share with Thee
The silence of eternity
Interpreted by love!
With that deep hush subduing all
Our words and works that drown
The tender whisper of Thy call,
As noiseless let Thy blessing fall
As fell Thy manna down.
Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.
Breathe through the heats of our desire
Thy coolness and Thy balm;
Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire;
Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire,
O still, small voice of calm.”
(“Dear Lord and Father of Mankind)
The words that always grab me from this hymn are:
“And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.”
That is likely because my life is not very orderly.
For some reason (but does there really need to be a reason?), I felt my mom’s presence very strongly as I sat at my desk, thinking about my day, sipping my coffee, and thinking about the words of “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind.” I don’t know that this was one of her favorite hymns, but I do think that she reflected the aspirations of the song in many ways, as my wife does also. (And, of course, I know that my Mom liked coffee! My wife does not.)
My Mom was a very ordered person, even though she had a very old, very small farmhouse. She worked hard, but still seemed to make time to put things in their proper place.
And yet, Mom never made order into a fetish. She could be spontaneous and playful. She was fun to be around. Same with my wife.
Some of us are, I am afraid, like Dr. Sheldon Cooper on “The Big Bang Theory.” Sheldon is so ordered that he is rigid. While it is funny in fiction, it isn’t so funny in reality. When orderliness becomes rigidity, you set yourself up for misery. You also spread your misery around to others.
I would like to tell you that I am like my mom and my wife in pursuing order in my life, without order becoming my slave driver. What I need to tell you is that I am much more like Sheldon Cooper. Well, in fairness, I am not like Sheldon in his strengths, but I do mirror his weaknesses. My pendulum tends to swing wildly between the extremes of chaos and compulsive order. Once in a while, I am very briefly in balance. However, I recover from balance very rapidly.
My mom, my wife, and the lyrics of this song remind me of a simple, but vital, fact: Order does not have to be obsessive-compulsive. Order can be good friends with spontaneity and fun.
Of course, the hymn “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind” is an aspiration and a prayer, not a statement of fact. And certainly, I can aspire and pray.
So can you!
When I was little, there were lots of westerns on t v. So, I thought I would like to ride a horse.
Then I got to ride a horse. It was not an enjoyable experience. My brother brought his quarter horse from Colorado to pasture it on my Dad’s farm in Ohio. He invited me to go for a ride with him to cut our Christmas tree from the back of our farm.
So there we were: a big brother who was a pretty good horseman, a fairly well-behaved quarter horse named “Sugar,” a nine-year-old kid who had never been on a horse, a two-bitted axe, and (on the way back) a six-foot pine tree.
You can tell this story is not going to end well, can’t you?
Actually, nothing tragic and permanently debilitating occurred. That was thanks to my brother and to Sugar. However, it was most definitely not a fun experience. My brother complained about me to Mom. I still remember what he said: “He sits on a horse like a sack of potatoes!”
I have never seen a sack of potatoes riding a horse. I think that may have been my brother’s main point.
Life is like that. Sometimes you get what you want, and find out that it is much more demanding than you had ever dreamed. The analogy between riding horses and life holds at many levels.
First of all, I suppose that you need to start off with a horse that is suited to your skill level. Beginners need a fairly docile horse. Galloping is neither required nor wise at this point. Wanting to do too much or to be too much too fast is not a good idea.
The path matters too. Most of us are not good enough at life to stray too far off the more straightforward paths. And there are some paths that even a master horseman ought not to attempt. As an addict, I have a tendency to want to ride my horse over a cliff. However, we are not talking about the winged horse Pegasus here. Horses and their riders need to be careful as to what path they are taking.
I have often been told that horses (as well as other animals) can sense fear, and that it is important that the rider not show (or feel?) fear. A certain amount of confidence is essential to riding. When I was little, confidence was not something I had learned to either spell or have.
Balance is important in riding. I am not naturally a balanced person. I tend to lean to the right. Then, I tend to overcompensate to the left. Before long, I’m looking up at the belly of the horse, hoping that she doesn’t kick me or step on me.
Finally, those who learn to ride a horse are those who get back on the horse after they have fallen off or been thrown. Life is not easy, and we will fall off or be thrown. An old movie about a rodeo rider (“Lonely Are the Brave,” I think it was) had an experienced rider say, “There never was a horse that couldn’t be rode, and there never was a cowboy that couldn’t be throwed.” That may not be good English, but it’s a good truth to remember.
EPILOGUE
Years after my Christmas tree expedition, my wife and I took our kids to a stable to ride horses. While the kids went for a ride on a beginner’s trail, I chatted with one of the wranglers. I admitted to him that I was not a horseman, that I was, in fact, afraid of horses. He was a nice guy who could have sold an Eskimo a freezer. Somehow he got me up on a horse (for free!), and had me riding by the time my kids got back. My kids, especially my oldest daughter, were amazed. So was I!
Anyone care to go for a ride with me on a horse named “Life?”
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