Posts Tagged: Brady Jandreau

“SAVED OFF OF A KILL TRUCK”

I sometimes listen to “Fresh Air” on National Public Radio.  Recently (on my birthday, April 10), Fresh Air had an interview with Brady Jandreau, a severely injured bronco rider and wild horse trainer, featured in the movie “The Rider.”  The director of the film, Chole Zhao, was also interviewed.

Terry Gross, the host of “Fresh Air,” gently compels me to be interested in things and people I’m not interested in.  She has wonderful, interesting guests who are made even more interesting by means of Terry’s good questions, and her even better silences.

For example, when Terry asked her horse trainer the following question, I was moved to wonder and to tears.  “I see what humans get from a relationship with the horse, but what does the horse get?” Terry asked.

Brady responded, “Many horses we save off of kill trucks. There’s no legal slaughter of horses in the United States now, but there’s still legal slaughter of horses in Canada. So if there’s a horse that’s never been trained and he’s much too wild or much too old for your average trainer to have a go at him, they’ll typically sell him and nobody can ride the horse so he typically becomes glue or dog food or whatever, sent to France. And the horse Apollo in the movie is actually one of the horses I saved off of a kill truck.”

I feel as if I myself have saved off the kill truck.  I was too old and too wild to tame.  It wasn’t just that I was going to hell someday.  No.  I was already there.

Addictions make you do destructive things to others, especially to those you love.  Addictions make you do destructive things to yourself.  You may choose your way into an addiction, but you can’t choose your way out.  I know.  I tried for decades.

So, I had pretty much given up.  I was loaded on the kill truck, along with many others.  And then, Someone opened the gate and let me out.  I tried to stomp Him, kick Him, bite Him, escape Him, but He kept trying to get close to me.  Eventually, I gave Him a little sniff.  What harm in that, I said to myself.  Well, He didn’t smell particularly threatening.  And eventually, I let Him touch me . . . just a little.  Well, that didn’t hurt so much!

Little by little, I let Him work his way back along my body.  The shoulders!  That’s far enough!  He walked back to my muzzle, and gently stroked it.  “Let’s start over again,” He said softly.

This time, He got to my flanks before I shied away.  Back to the muzzle.  “Let’s start over again,” He laughed gently.

And finally, little by little, He tamed me.  I was not simply freed from the kill truck.  I was free!

Or, at the very least, my Trainer and I are working on freedom.

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