Posts Tagged: burying someone you love

“OF PONYTAILS AND FRAGILITY”

On December 3, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

So, I was at the bank, and fell into a conversation with a friendly fellow-customer, who was teasing the tellers.  They teased him right back, and he seemed to take it well.

He had a long, grey ponytail.  I’ve admired guys who can grow ponytails for quite some time, so I said, “I like your ponytail, and would like to grow one myself.”  Then I added, untruthfully, “But every time I threaten to do it, my wife threatens to leave me.”  I quickly added, “No, I’m making up that part.  I don’t think she would like it, but I don’t think she would leave me over it, either.  But I really would like to grow one.  Not joking about that.”

Mr. Ponytail said, “My wife and I have been married for nineteen years, and were together for ten years before we got married.  She said that she would leave me if I did cut off my ponytail.”

We laughed, but then he added, “I buried her three months ago.”

“Oh my!”  I said.  “I am so sorry.  And I am so sorry that I was speaking lightly about things.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” he said, “you had no way of knowing that.”

We never know how fragile anyone is.  We never know their struggles or their sadnesses.

Come to find out, the guy at the bank had buried his father also.  It was two months to the day after he had buried his wife.

Let me say it again: We never know how fragile anyone is.  We never know their struggles and their sadnesses.

So, how would it be if we simply treated everyone with courtesy, with thoughtfulness, with compassion?

That’s not easy to do, even when we know a person very well, and know that the person is fragile.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine had a meltdown.  No wonder.  This is a person who has enough sadness and stress right now to sink a battleship.  I know this, for a fact.

And yet, when my friend had a meltdown in my presence, I was not available.  I was not compassionate.  I was preoccupied with my own little self.  I blew it.

We all need to be in touch with our fragility.  But we also need to have some attentive compassion left over others who are also fragile.

I may never be able to grow a ponytail, but I can do something a lot more difficult and important.  I can cultivate compassion for fragile people.  And, when all’s said and done, we’re all fragile.

, , , ,
Follow on Feedly