Posts Tagged: character development

“Who’s on your Kill List?”

On April 7, 2021 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Let me begin by setting your mind at ease. No, I am not taking up running a contract killer service in my retirement.

During an accountability check-in this morning, we were talking about how to become better men. One of the guys is highly athletic and very insightful. He said that, no matter what sport he is participating in, he has a kill list—a list of people who are slightly better at some aspect of the sport than he is trying to master. He tries to learn from them and then work harder than they do. Eventually, he becomes better at that aspect of the game than they are. Then he checks them off his kill list.

One of the other guys in the group thought that this approach was a bit too competitive. After all, building character means cooperating with others too. This friend made a good point: Why not ask what is on your kill list, rather than who?

Actually, I think that both of my friends are right. Perhaps the expression “kill list” is a little over-the-top, but then that is my friend’s style. If he weren’t over-the-top, he wouldn’t be J.

The Bible speaks of emulating those who live well. These are by no means the only two passages that speak in this way, but let them help you draw up your own kill list.

“Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.” (Hebrews 13:7, English Standard Version)

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,

but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20, English Standard Version)

Wisdom and faith: those two things seem like a good place to start with your kill list. Anytime you experience some good quality in another person, make it your goal to imitate that person and work even harder than they do.

I am not suggesting a holier-than-thou approach to life, nor was my friend. The truth is that such an approach is mentioned in the Bible, but it is condemned.

“. . . “Keep to yourself,

                        do not come near me, for I am too holy for you.”

             These are a smoke in my nostrils,

                        a fire that burns all the day.” (Isaiah 65:5, English Standard Version)

In its context, this holier-than-thou attitude is definitely not holy at all. God, through the prophet Isaiah, condemns this way of thinking and speaking. There is a huge difference in imitating good character qualities and cheap imitations of those good character qualities.

So, what or who is on your kill list? And how (and how hard) are you working to become a person of character?

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“A Fruit-Only Diet”

On July 4, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I have decided to go on a fruit-only diet.  Nope!  Not talking about apples, grapes, melons, strawberries, and pineapple.  (Well, definitely not pineapple only!)

I am speaking of “the fruit of the Spirit.”

My wife and I have been trying to memorize the fruit of the Spirit.  Paul mentions them in Galatians 5:22-23.  Here is the relevant passage, along with a bit of context:

“22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”  Galatians 5:22-26, English Standard Version)

Now, it is not only that my wife and I are trying to memorize the fruit of the Spirit.  We/I can’t seem to get away from continual reminders about them.

For example, this morning I used them in the daily affirmation that is part of my daily report to my twelve-step sponsor.  “Today, by God’s grace, I will cultivate the fruit of the Holy Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

Then, I turned to my daily 3-Minute Retreat from Loyola Publishing, and guess what I encountered at https://www.loyolapress.com/retreats/living-in-freedom-start-retreat?  Do you really need a second guess?  Yep!  The fruit of the Spirit—again!

A couple of days ago, in our preparation to be leaders for a “Rooted Experience” group, my wife and I were reading and journaling about (yes, you guessed it) the work of the Holy Spirit, including the fruit of the Spirit.

So, why was Paul reminding the Galatians about this fruit-only diet?  He was writing to churches that he had helped to birth.  Apparently, Paul had heard that they were eating a lot of spiritual junk food.  Some of the believers were adding a lot of stuff to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Paul says to them, “Look!  If you live by the good news of Jesus Christ, and by his Spirit, you’ll live a good life.  But if you try to add a bunch of stuff, you’ll end up at one another’s throats.”

But aren’t we a lot like the Galatian believers?  We find a good thing, and then we decide that we can make it even better.  Sometimes, perhaps, we succeed, but more often than not, we ruin the good thing we’ve found.

Paul says to these mixed-up believers, “If you keep in step with God’s Holy Spirit, good qualities will be evident in your life.”  In other words, what you need is a fruit-only diet.

These good qualities, this fruit of the spirit, operate in three directions.  Metaphorically, we might think of this spatially—as outward, upward, and inward.

“Outwardly” refers to other people.  The fruit of the Spirit is a matter of treating other people with love, joy, etc.  This is likely why, in verse 26, Paul warns the Galatians against practicing spiritual cannibalism.  If they (if we) are cultivating the fruit of the Spirit, they (and we) will not be eating one another alive.

While Paul doesn’t say this explicitly, there is also the upward aspect of the fruit of the Spirit.  When we are cultivating the fruit of the Spirit, it pleases God.  I believe that even the desire to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit pleases God.  How much more so, if we are actually practicing works of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control!  Even in a very rudimentary form, these qualities honor God.

But there is also the inner aspect of the fruit of the Spirit.  I’ve noticed that when I am more loving, more peaceful, more kind, etc., I am so much happier.  This is certainly true when I am practicing these qualities toward others.

However, there is another side to this inner aspect of a fruit-only diet, and it is this: I need to practice these qualities toward myself.  For example, what would my life be like if I practiced kindness and gentleness toward myself?  Maybe I should try it and find out.

A good and wise friend of mine often says that he wants to be a person of integrity.  He often couples that with being gentle with himself.  Yes!

So, I’m going on a fruit-only diet.  I’ll let you know from time to time how it’s going.  I don’t know if I’ll lose weight, but I suspect that I will gain character.

Come to think of it, diets of every kind are easier if you do them with other people.  Care to join me in my fruit-only diet?

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“More Lick than Love”

On July 28, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“Sometimes, I think she’s more lick than love,” said my wife.

The “she” of the preceding sentence is our little dog, Laylah.  She likes to lick—a lot!  My wife was trying to hold her, and Laylah was gyrating wildly.  I’m not sure if our nine-month-old puppy was trying to lick my wife’s face or eat my wife’s hair.  (Laylah would also find earrings delicious, I suspect.)

My wife’s comment “. . . more lick than love” set me to thinking.  I wonder if I am not more lick than love in many situations.  Is my love for real?  Are my expressions of love for real?  Am I more lick than love?

Yes, I love my wife, but do I insist on where I want to go out and eat?  Yes, I love my wife, but do I finish up doing the dishes and putting them away?  (She doesn’t like me to soak them for very long.  For some reason, she thinks they should be done in less than four or five hours.  Very strange!)

And there is God.  I sometimes feel affection for God, but am I more lick than love?  What about obedience?  What about character development?  What about encouraging others?  What about humility?

Am I more lick than love when it comes to others? When I see someone in need, do I lick their face with a cheap feeling of pity, or do I love them by meeting their needs?

1 John 3:17 says, “If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion– how can God’s love be in that person?” (New Living Translation)  John is basically asking, “Are you more lick than love?”

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