It is always the supposedly simple stuff that trips me up. You too?
Take, for example, step 3 of the twelve steps. It sounds simple enough. “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.”
I am taking my car in for an oil change today. I will turn my car (and some money) over to my oil change folks. I trust them. No problem!
Of course, my will and my life is a lot more inclusive and serious than my beat-up Honda Civic. But then too, God is probably somewhat more trustworthy than my oil change guys. (Sorry guys, nothing against you!)
My journal entry this morning was as follows:
“Wednesday, October 17, 2018
To live for God, I must surrender my will and my life into his hands.
And what do I think God will do with my will and my life? Am I afraid? Why? Do I know God so slightly, do I take God’s love so lightly, that I find it so hard to trust him? Really???
And yet, I do in fact find it hard to let go of my will and my life. And what do I get when I cling so tightly? Clenched fists, that’s all.
God help me to let go and let You, today. Tomorrow’s struggle is tomorrow’s struggle. Today, help me to let go.”
I remember reading about two ladies who were talking about surrendering their lives completely to God, and loving God totally. (I am sorry, I’ve forgotten the source and some of the details, but the following is how I remember it.) One of them was having trouble with the very idea of surrender. What if God wanted her to do something really awful?
Her friend, who was somewhat further along in the process of surrender, knew that this fearful woman had a young son that she loved very much. So her friend used him to illustrate what it was like to surrender to God.
“Suppose that Charlie came to you and said, from the bottom of his loving little heart, ‘Momma, I just want to love you completely. You can do anything you want with me!’ What would you do?”
Charlie’s mother said, “Why, I would scoop him up in arms and smother him with kisses!”
And her friend said, “Do you suppose that you love Charlie more than God loves you?”
Perhaps I find it so difficult to surrender my will and life to the care of God, because I’m not sure that God really cares.
I am comforted somewhat by the words in step three “. . . as we understood God.” The truth is that I don’t really understand God very well. But I have a hunch, and the hunch is this: I will never begin to understand God, until I have practiced step 3 for a while. No matter how falteringly I do so, no how fearfully, I need to surrender my will and my life to the care of God, as I understand God.
Surrender takes courage, and I don’t have that much. I’ll use whatever courage I have. Who knows? If I surrender to God, I might find more courage.
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