Posts Tagged: darkness

“DAYBREAK”

On August 30, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

It is just before 7:00, and I am already at the university where I teach for a 9:00 a.m. class.  I like to beat the rush hour traffic.  The sun is not up yet, but it is already fairly light out.  I sit on bench.  I can see the downtown section of Cincinnati, the river, the hills of Kentucky.  There is a breeze.  Some roses, some weeds, and some trash are gathered at my feet.  Birds fly over.

I love the early mornings.  However, when you get up at 2:30, 7:00 doesn’t really seem all that early.

And yet, I still struggle with the darkness within.

Darkness comes in many forms.  There is the darkness of my past, of the people I’ve hurt.  There is the darkness of the people who have rejected me.  There are many who seem to believe that I have not changed, that I will never change, that I can’t change.

I think they’re wrong, but I am not sure.  Sometimes, I think that I myself am underselling how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve changed for the better.  At other times . . .

The sun is coming up now over some very large building across the hill.  I need some light for this day, some hope, some peace.

A bird sings.

Zacharias, an aged man with his aged wife Elizabeth, had experienced the darkness of being unable to have a child.  And then, when all hope was gone, they were miraculously given a son.  Zacharias sang a song to his newborn, and the gospel writer Luke wrote it down.  Here is part of the song Zacharias sang to his son:

“76       And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;

                        for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways,

77         to give knowledge of salvation to his people

                        in the forgiveness of their sins,

78         because of the tender mercy of our God,

                        whereby the sunrise shall visit usfrom on high

79         to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,

                        to guide our feet into the way of peace.”

The knowledge of salvation, the forgiveness of sins, the tender mercy of our God, sunrise—that all sounds pretty good.

So, I am listening to the song “God Only Knows” (the version with Dolly Parton), and fighting back the tears.  I’ve already had a good cry this morning, collapsing on the kitchen floor and dissolving in a puddle of tears.  I don’t need to be crying again.  I don’t want to go before my students with red eyes and a sinus headache.

The sun is fighting to rise above the clouds.  I’m going to bet on the sun today.

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“Traveler in the Dark”

On July 17, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

The following is from Wordsmith.org.

A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

“Writing is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as the headlights, but you make the whole trip that way.” -Cory Doctorow, author and journalist (b. 17 Jul 1971).

“Too often, I just want to sit in the car, and pretend I’m going somewhere.  You don’t even have to turn on the headlights or start the engine, if you do that!” (DTEB)

I think that what Doctorow’s vivid comment means is that writers don’t see very far ahead.  They travel in the dark, the length of their headlights, until they reach their destination.

This is one of my problems as a writer.  I want to know how the story ends before I begin.  And when I don’t know, I just sit in the car, and make engine noises.

It is not just in writing that I do this.  I have a tendency to do it in every area of my life.  I nearly let my sweetheart get away without marrying her.  Why?  I didn’t know how the story would end.  (After nearly forty-five years, it hasn’t ended, but I like the way the story is unfolding a lot!)  It may be safer to sit in the car and pretend to be going somewhere, but it is lonely.  Ultimately, it isn’t much fun, either.

I nearly stayed in a horrible, debilitating addiction.  Why?  I didn’t know how the story would end.  I was afraid to divulge all my secrets, afraid that exposure of these secrets really would be the end of my story.  It turned out to be the beginning of a whole new story, which I like so much better than the old one.

I nearly failed to get my Ph.D.  Why?  I didn’t know how the story would end.  I preferred just sitting in the car, pretending that I could have gotten my Ph.D.  What a frustratingly wonderful trip I would have missed if I had not decided to turn on the engine and lights, and put the car in gear!

On and on it goes.

We are not all of us writers, but we all are writing our life stories.  We do it with our thoughts, our attitudes, our words.  Above all, we do with our actions.

We were not made to sit in the car, and say, “Varummm!   Varummm!”  The darkness is real, and the road is difficult.  But we do have headlights.

And, as Dan Fogelberg said in his song “Nexus,”

“Blessed the traveler
Who journeys the length of the light.”

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