Posts Tagged: encouragement

“The Power of Encouragement—Even for Old People”

On March 10, 2024 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“But encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’ Help each other so none of you will become hardened because sin has tricked you.” (Hebrews 3:13, New Century Version)

Yesterday, I was walking at a nearby park. There was a large group of young people some of whom were running while other young people were cheering them on. I was walking, thank you very much, but I did applaud some of the young people who were running. But then, one of the young men looked directly at me and said, “You’re doing great! You can do this!”

I immediately started running full tilt. I ran fast, but not very far. I pumped my fists in the air as if I had just finished first in an Olympic race. The young people cheered. I have no idea if they were making fun of me or not. I don’t even care. From my standpoint, it was a sweet moment.

A little encouragement goes a very long way. I am afraid that our culture encourages us to discourage, rather than to encourage.  But who says that, just because our culture elevates bringing people down, Christ-followers should join the discouragement train? Do we really think it makes us cool to pour ice water on others?

I used to be a terrible discourager. I was not at “home on the range, . . . where never is heard a discouraging word.” I was full of lots of discouraging words. I do much better these days, and I am so thankful to God for the improvement. Is there still room for improvement? Absolutely! But I do so much better than I used to do.

Perhaps it might be helpful if I (and everyone else) got up in the morning and one of our first prayers was this: God, please help me to be an encourager today. And please help me to enjoy the encouragement that others give to me.

You’re doing great! You can do this!

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“ON NOT CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME”

On August 12, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“What other people think of me is really none of my business.”  Thus spoke one of my 12-step friends.  He had been told he was ugly, not once but twice, this morning.

He isn’t ugly.  In fact, I told him that he looked like love to me.

But back to his saying that “what other people think of me is really none of my business”—I think that my friend is mostly right, but perhaps, a little wrong.

He is right because other people don’t know enough about our inner workings to evaluate us.  They can, perhaps, evaluate specific, external performance, but our innards, not so much.  Really, not at all!   He is also right because we can’t control what others think of us.  It is literally “none of our business.”

So, what is wrong with my friend’s saying?  Two things, I think.

First, if we think of ourselves as completely insulated from what others think of us, we also may miss out on their encouraging words and thoughts.  And we all need encouraging words at times.  Some encouraging words we remember from long ago.

Over thirty years ago, in a men’s accountability/prayer group, I was bemoaning the fact that I have a high tenor voice.  One of the guys in the group, Danny, said, “Well, your voice just sounds like love to me.”  The fact that I still remember his words all these years later demonstrates the power and longevity of an encouraging word.

But second, there is an equally important reason why we should care about what others think of us and say to us.  If we do not pay attention to what others think and say about us, we may miss certain unpleasant, but necessary, truths about ourselves.  People often convey to me that I talk too much.  They usually do this through teasing.  That may not be the best approach.  Perhaps it would be better to be direct, and simply say, “Sometimes, you talk too much.”  But whether it is said directly or indirectly, I need to listen.  I can’t see my own blind spots.  If I could, they would be called “seen spots,” wouldn’t they?  How can I grow, if I don’t pay attention to what others think of me?

So, there are two things I need to care about concerning what others think of me: encouragement about what is right with me, and accountability in areas where I need to grow.  Beyond those two things, what others think of me really isn’t any of my business.

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“The Courage to Face Our Strengths”

On July 15, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Many of us have a hard time facing our weaknesses and failures.  I do too.  Some of us have an even harder time facing our strengths.  Here is a blog that may help you to face up to your strengths.  It most certainly helped me!

This post is a very slightly edited e mail exchange that helped to kick-start my day.  G. is a friend from my 12-step group, and is one of the most interesting, sharp, and encouraging people I know.

I have edited the exchange in order to respect the anonymity of both G. and me.  I am the “D.” in the exchange.  His e mail to me comes first.  My reply to G. follows.

“Dear D.

I spent half of this last year faking it, hoping to make it.  I prayed, I surrendered to God, I listened for God.  It took that time just to start hearing something from Him.  Eventually I realized He was talking to me all along.  I just didn’t see how.

One of the ways I figured it out was watching and listening to you.  You understand God as well as any person I know.  Your ability to tell us things that God is saying is amazing.

Now you say that you are not good at talking with God.  That doesn’t exactly make a novice like me see any hope.  You just don’t see it.

I watch you talk about your wife, and I see God speaking in both of you.  I watch that because watching you as you think about her tells me all I need to know.  I listen and watch you talk about bible verses and I see a man who is connecting to God and the prophets.

So once again you are reducing the positive effects of you thoughts by diminishing yourself.  As Bob Newhart said:  “STOP IT”.  Look it up if you don’t know.

You are a better man than that.  The only problem is, I don’t know if you’ll ever see how much God loves you until you let Him tell you and you believe it.  We may be a bunch of addicts, but everyone in SLAA (except for a couple) Knows you’re a good person, a smart person, a loving person, in touch with God, and a great friend.

So right now, stand up, look to heaven, and say to God:  You made me a good person, I know I’m a good person, and I’m going to show myself I am and listen to You whenever You tell me something.)  Then relax and clear your mind.  That warm fuzzy feeling is God talking to you.  Even I know that.

If you show this to your wife (that’s fine), now is when she can kick your butt for me.  You said to call you out.  I hope you weren’t kidding.

Your Friend

G.

 

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Dear G.,

Thank you so much!  Your e mail was just about how I began my day.  (Well, in the spirit of full disclosure, I did get up, make coffee, go to the bathroom, weigh myself, and take the dog out.  But other than that, you were the beginning of my day.)  And what a wonderful way to begin my day!

Yesterday, I wanted to spend the whole day with God, and feel that, in large measure, I did.  Thanks to your e mail, I feel as if He has started off the day tenderly saying, “Could we do that again, my child?”

And my answer is, “I’d love to, my LORD!”

One of the things I almost mentioned about you at the 7:00 a.m. meeting yesterday (when we were discussing our spiritual gifts) is that you are an encourager.  You are one of the most encouraging people I think I’ve ever met.  And, oh my!  In this world, where discouragement has become a sick art form, how much encouragement is needed by all of us!

Yes, I really did give you permission to call me out.  And yes, I really am bad about putting myself down.  Humility is good, and I wish I had more of it.  However, merely putting myself down is not the same as humility.

About being “a novice”: We are all of us novices.  That is not putting me or you or anybody down, I hope.  That is simply the truth.  The God who created the universe and died for us on the cross—how could we ever wrap our minds around such a God?!

But God loves the beginners we are.

And as for the Newhart reference, yes, I am familiar with it.  The lady who went to him had a fear of being buried alive, if my memory serves me correctly.

I don’t have a fear of that, but I do have a fear of not living fully.  Your e mail helps me to see that I really am living fully, and have nothing to fear.  I just need to, as you say, relax and clear my mind.

And as for my wife kicking my butt?  She’s a really kind lady, but I’m sure that she would be glad to oblige.

With Warm Regards and Great Appreciation,

 

D.
 

 

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THE VITAL IMPORTANCE OF “WE”

On January 10, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

One of the topics this morning in my twelve-step addiction recovery meeting was the importance of “we.”  It is the first word of step 1.  “We admitted that we were powerless . . . and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

One brother in the struggle commented that “we” is not only the first word.  It is also the most important word.

The word “we” is important for a number of reasons.

First, the word “we” is important because it strikes at two of the taproots of addiction: secrecy and isolation.  When we give our bottom lines or give a lead (tell our story), we are placing a dynamite charge at the base of the secret aspect of our addiction.  To change the analogy, I am told that certain bacteria cannot survive in the sunlight.  Neither can active addictions.

The second deep root of addiction is isolation.  If secrecy is our choice to hide our behavior, isolation is our feeling that we are alone in our very existence.  When we come together in meetings, we realize that there are others—many others, in fact—who are very different from us, and yet just like us.  Such togetherness (with accountability, but without judgment) is incredibly healing.

Third, when we come together, we learn from one another.  Those who have had a slip or a relapse teach us that we also are vulnerable, and that we need to be careful rather than complacent.  We learn from the stories of others what has worked for them.  We may try some of their ideas.  Some of the things that worked for them may also work for us.  Some do not.  We have a saying in meetings: “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

Fourth, when people share, we often see ourselves in them.  We hear their rationalizations as to why it is “okay” for them to act out on their addiction, and we suddenly recognize that we have been reasoning in the same non-rational manner.

Fifth, we receive encouragement.  Even the most helpful insights in the world are not enough to keep an addict from being an active addict.  Without encouragement, insights are like my weights: useful, except for the fact that I rarely pick them up.  Encouragement gives us the strength, courage, and hope to make use of the insights we receive in meetings, in conversations with our sponsor, or in informal conversations with other recovering addicts.

Of course, for those of us who are Christ-followers, the word “we” is very important, too.  “Jesus and me!”  Yes, that is very important!  But we also need the motto “Jesus and us!”  As has often been pointed out, the first word in the Lord’s Prayer is “our.”

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On Having Some New Letters after My Name

On October 27, 2016 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I just received word this morning that my absolutely final revisions of the PhD thesis had passed muster.  I am approved for the PhD!

So, am I happy?  Yes!  Am I relieved?  Yes!

However, . . .

. . . several thoughts come to mind.

  1. Accomplishments, even major accomplishments, in one area of our life are no substitute for a life well-lived for Christ.
  2. Accomplishments, even major accomplishments, in one area of our life are no substitute for being a good dad (which I was not), or a good husband (which I am trying to become).
  3. Accomplishments are never individual triumphs.  So many people, especially my wife and my two PhD advisers—but also many others who told me I could do this when I did not believe it—played crucial parts in this degree.  And of course there is also God!
  4. Just because I now have a PhD does not mean that I know God or the Bible all that much better.  God and the Bible are too big for that, and a PhD is ultimately very small indeed.  Humility, love, faith, and obedience are the basic tools for understanding the Bible, God, or, most likely, anything else in the universe.
  5. Floors still need to be mopped, grass cut, and customers at the restaurants where I work still need to be waited upon.  Life has a wonderful way of keeping us humble, if we’re paying any attention at all.

DTEB, S.S. (Saved Sinner)

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