Posts Tagged: friendship

“My Jesus-Life as a Therapist and Friend”

On January 30, 2022 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

To start my day, I often read snippets from addiction recovery books published by Hazelden. Today’s excerpt from Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey (© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation), began with a provocative epigraph by Karen Horney:

“Fortunately [psycho]analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.”

I was thinking of life as a therapist, but my mind quickly jumped to life as a friend. The reason I made this leap was because of something I read many years ago. I can’t remember the source, but here is the quote as I remember it: “A therapist is a paid friend.”

Now, don’t misunderstand. This statement is deeply problematic. Paying someone to be your friend doesn’t sound terribly noble or helpful. In fact, it sounds more than a little demeaning to both therapists and clients. I have benefited greatly from years of therapy, though I am not currently seeing a therapist. However, while I have two good friends who are therapists, I do not conflate the roles of therapist and friend.

However, thinking of life as combining the roles of therapist and friend—and life performing those dual roles free of charge—that might work. So, I ask myself (and you) the following: What would happen if I/we stopped thinking of life as a puzzle or a struggle, and I/we began to think of life as a therapist and friend.

Hummm . . .

There’s an old rock and roll song that advises us to “hang on to our (your) life.” Perhaps it would be better to let go of our lives and listen to them. Maybe, as with other good friends, we could relax with life and be ourselves. We might begin cherishing our life more—just as it is. After all, we do this with our other fellow-human friends. We cherish them when they’re up and when they’re down. We love them with all their faults, and they love us with all our faults.

I suspect that what I’ve written so far is true, no matter what your religious beliefs (or unbeliefs) are. However, for the Christ-follower this has another dimension. Jesus claimed to be life, as well as being the truth and the road we need to travel (John 14:6). The one who follows Christ follows Life itself. And this Life is indeed a very helpful therapist.

Oh, and one thing more! Jesus not only claimed to be the Life. He also promised to be with his followers all their lives. Furthermore, he promised that they would be with him forever in his Father’s kingdom. If this is true—and rest assured, it does take some faith to believe that it is true—the one who seamlessly combines the roles of friend and therapist will never desert us. Not in this life, nor in the next. Jesus has your back as you go through your life-therapy and make friends with life.

, , , ,

“THE CHOICE BETWEEN HAPPINESS AND JEALOUSY”

On August 30, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I just discovered that two of my favorite musicians have a close connection.  I had no idea before today.

I have loved Al Stewart for decades.  I was listening to a cd of his song “Time Passages,” when the name Peter White came up.  I supposed (correctly) that Peter White was the writer or co-writer of “Time Passages.”

And then it hit me: Was this the same Peter White whose smooth jazz guitar I have come to love through AccuRadio?  “Peter White” is a fairly common name, but . . .

And, sure enough, it was the same Peter White!  Cool!  In fact, Peter White not only helped write that song, but many others that Stewart performed.  They collaborated on music for some twenty years.  White also played in Stewart’s band, and is behind many of the great guitar licks on “Time Passages” and other Stewart songs.

Have you ever had a similar experience with two people that you know personally and like a lot?  You suddenly discover that, not only do they know one another; they are also good friends with one another, as well as with you.

And what do you experience in that moment?  Happiness?  Or jealousy?  Or some mixture of the two?

I may be a uniquely selfish, possessive person, but I rather doubt it.  Mixed feelings are probably normal feelings.

And yet . . .  And yet!

The music, in all its glory and beauty, is in the collaboration, isn’t it?  Stewart without White is simply good, but not as good.

And what do I bring to the party?  Appreciation!  Gratitude!  Happiness!

I have a couple of good friends.  We’ll call them “Steve” and “Will.”  Due to distance, we don’t get together physically very often, but we frequently call.  We pray for one another, hold one another accountable, give advice when asked (and sometimes, when not asked), and mostly encourage one another.  No jealousy!

Where the choice between happiness and jealousy becomes more important and much murkier is with husbands and wives.  I do not believe in “open marriages.”  Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think that I am just plain right on this one.  Marriage should be a committed and exclusive relationship.

On the other hand, maybe it shouldn’t.

Now, before both my friends and my wife think that I’ve lost my mind, let me explain.  My wife is, right now, taking care of her mom.  Mom is probably at a “transitional point” in life.  The expression “transitional point” is a euphemism for no longer being able to live in her own home.  For the past couple of years, my “retired” (??) wife has been helping care for her mom.  This, of course, means that I have had to “share” my wife with her mom.

Have I always been happy about this?  No.  Have I sometimes been jealous?  Yes.

But, whenever I begin to feel the “Green Monster” of jealousy stir in my heart and mind, I remind myself of one very important fact: Real love for one is ultimately real love for all.  Love is one of those things—like joy itself—that grows the more it is shared.

So, I try to remember that loving collaboration is where the music is, that the more my sweetheart loves her mom and others, the more love she has for me as well.  Al Stewart is good on his own.  So is Peter White.  Put then together, and they’re dynamite.

I choose happiness!

, , , , , , , , , ,
Follow on Feedly