The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith “‘A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!’”
(Robert Browning, “Rabbi Ben Ezra”)
I am not aging well, and it’s my own fault. As someone has said, “Aging is inevitable. Getting old is optional.” I am definitely getting old.
Why am I getting old, rather than aging well? There are at least two reasons, I suspect.
For one thing, I am resisting the natural process of aging. “What you resist persists,” we say in 12-step work. However, when I resist natural processes like aging, the frustration with the process doesn’t simply persist. It grows. Furthermore, since I believe that it is God who ordained the process of aging (at least since the Garden of Eden), when I resist aging, I am resisting God. Resisting God can be done, I believe, but it takes a lot of energy and does not serve me well.
Second, in addition to wearing myself out resisting God and the process of aging, I am not taking care of my mind, soul, spirit, and body as I should. I am not eating wisely, not exercising regularly, not sleeping well, not reading the Sacred Scriptures enough, not reading other good things enough, not listening to really good music, not laughing enough, not praying, not meditating, not serving and being kind to others enough. I am playing way too much online chess, reading way too much bad news, not getting enough fresh air and time in nature. I am not present enough with Sharon and Laylah and friends. I am not present enough with God.
But it seems to me that this confession is the beginning of a new leg of my renewal and my recovery of my better self. No problem can ever be solved that has not been fully faced. Within this confession—even within the rather negative bits of it—are the seeds of some very positive changes that I can make on a day-to-day, moment-by-moment basis.
Today, I begin the process of learning to age more gracefully.
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