Posts Tagged: getting ready for spiritual retreats

“THE LUST FOR INSTANT OMNICOMPETENCE”

On January 7, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I have given an old struggle of mine a new name: the lust for instant omnicompetence.  I am not sure if omnicompetence is a word or not.  My spell checker does not recognize it as a word.  However, this non-word word is a combination of two perfectly good Latin-based roots: “omni-“ (which means “all”) and “competence” (which means “competence”).

As I define and tend to lust after it, omnicompetence means the desire to be good at everything I do—or think I should do.  The word “instant” needs no introduction.

So, what do I want to be instantly omnicompetent about?  Oh, how about teaching, writing, husbanding, cooking, and handy-manning to begin with.  Then there is working out at the gym.  Oh, yes, and recovering from addiction—and housework and gardening, and taking care of the dog, and teaching Hebrew,  and . . . and . . . and . . .

Well, you get the picture.  And, of course, I need to have all these competencies right now and without any effort.  I want to have microwave omnicompetence.

Lest you think that this is not a serious problem, let me assure you that it is!  You say you need evidence?  No problem!

The other day, I was getting ready to go on a spiritual retreat at a monastery with a friend.  However, there were “a few” (??) things I wanted to get done around the house first.  So, I tore into those things . . . and made a very bad job of it.  I was trying to mop the floor (so my sweetheart wouldn’t have to) and knocked over the garbage can.  Stale caramel corn spilled onto the living room floor.  So, I got the vacuum cleaner back out (my wife had just put it away after running it over the same floor), and tried to clean up my mess.  It went downhill even faster after that.  I don’t want to tell you more, and probably don’t need to.  I ended up yelling at my wife and the dog and calling myself some rather unflattering names.

I finally calmed down enough to say to my wife, “I’m not getting off to a very good start with this retreat business, am I?”  She just quietly smiled.  “What are you smiling about?” I asked.

“I’m smiling because you’re leaving,” she said.  She was joking.  She was also serious.  Instead of being offended, I had a good laugh at my fool self.  As Martin Luther said, “The devil hates to be laughed at.”  So do our vices.  Because of this, we should laugh at them more often.  We should to this, not because our vices aren’t a serious matter, but because they are.

And why all this drama?  Because I was striving for instant omnicompetence.

There are two truths I need to remember.  Perhaps you need to be reminded of them as well.

Truth # 1:        The only One who can safely have the prefix omni- before his good qualities is                              God.

Truth # 2:        Such competences as I really do need to cultivate cannot be microwaved.  Competencies   have to be developed slowly, patiently.

If I don’t remember these two simple truths, I end up not achieving omnicompetency, or even competency.  Instead, I just end up acting like a nincompoop.  And if I do act that way long enough and often enough, I actually become a nincompoop.

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