Posts Tagged: Handling anger

“Canine Potty Habits, Anger and Aristotle”

On July 24, 2022 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I do a reading from a twelve-step meditation book for some of my fellow-addicts each morning. Unbeknownst to me, I prepared for the reading by taking the dog out to do her business.

First, I should tell you a bit about our dog. She is several years old and is pretty good about doing her business outside—except when she isn’t. We still put down a pad in the hallway just in case. So, I got up early this morning (5:00 a.m.), put on the coffee, and went downstairs to take our little dog outside. I figured she was good to go (pun initially unintentional) since my wife had taken her out fairly late last night. I was mistaken.

I began to get angry, but I checked myself. “I’m not going to fly into a rage about this,” I told myself. And I didn’t.

I went upstairs, poured my coffee, opened the message app on my phone, brought up my text message group, and opened my twelve-book. Here is the epigraph, a quote from Aristotle, that began the reading:

“It is easy to fly into a passion—anybody can do that—but to be angry with the right person to the right extent and at the right time and with the right object and in the right way—that is not easy, and it is not everyone who can do it.”

Whoa!

The Bible says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:19-20, English Standard Version)

Way too often, I get things all turned around. I am quick to speak and get angry and slow to hear. We talk a lot about “righteous anger”, but how often is our anger actually righteous? Very seldom, I suspect. We don’t handle our anger very well. In fact, we don’t handle it at all. Anger man-handles us.

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“Making Up Generous Stories”

On April 14, 2021 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“Now, don’t tell me stories!” That is what my mom used to say to me when I was little. What she meant to say was, don’t lie to me, I think. However, I do tell stories. Hopefully, they are not lies. For example, here is an email exchange between my sponsor and me concerning a scholarly conference that left me off the schedule inadvertently.

I had talked with my twelve-step sponsor about my anger and hurt and disappointment yesterday. Today, he wrote in his email, “I hope there is a satisfactory outcome with your presentation.”

My reply was as follows:

“Dear ­­­­________,

So far, I like what is coming out of me. This is the most important part of the “outcome”. I am owning my feelings of hurt, anger, and disappointment, without letting myself become a scholarly jerk.

However, no reply yet from the person who was heading up our study group. I suspect that she dropped the ball, since nobody from the study group is presenting at the conference.

However, in these kinds of situations, I try to remember to make up somewhat plausible stories that help me to be more kind to other people. What if the head of our study group is dead from COVID (or any number of other causes)? What if she just lost a close relative, or had an emotional breakdown? What if she is tremendously busy (like me), and simply took on more than she should have? What if she is like me and has A.D.D.?

Whether or not any of these stories is true, or even close to the truth, they help me to take a more generous approach to conflictual situations when emotions run high. Just as importantly, these stories that I make up keep me from saying and doing things that I might regret.

I don’t take this attitude all the time, but I find it a helpful path when I travel it. And the path is the thing, not the destination.

Daryl”

In my better moments, I actually believe and act on what I just wrote to my sponsor. I have a lot of “better moments” these days. And that beats bitter moments, hands down!

So, as much as I love my mom, I would encourage you to go ahead and tell some stories. They may help you. Also, they may be truer than you think.

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“The Four-A Approach to Handling Emotions and Everything Else”

On May 5, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Today’s blog post is brought to you by the letter “A”!

A friend of mine and I were talking about handling anger.  He made some very helpful observations.  Between the two of us, I have come up with an interesting way of handling anger and other emotions—or anything else, for that matter.  It may or may not be original.  However, it might be helpful, and helpful is so much more important than original.

So, here is my Four-A Approach to Handling Anger, Other Emotions, and Whatever Else.

A-1: AWARENESS.

Be aware of what you are feeling and what is happening within and around you.  Slow down, and become increasingly aware of what might be underlying what is happening within you and around you.

A-2: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

Acknowledge to God, to yourself, and to another human being what you are feeling and what is happening within and around you.  This will help you to become even more aware.

A-3: ACCOUNTABILITY.

Make yourself accountable to at least one other human being.  This should be someone who accepts you as you are, but doesn’t put up with any crap.

A-4: ACTION.

People are made for action.  However, it needs to be purposeful action, and the purpose needs to be a good purpose.  What good, purposeful action are you and I going to take to manage and appropriately express our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions today?

Of course, none of these words that start with the letter “A” is easy.  For example, just try being aware for one day or one hour.  It ain’t easy!  However, I suspect they might work.

I think I’ll try practicing these things, and find out!

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