Posts Tagged: honesty

“Lust, Entitlement, and Pride”

On September 26, 2020 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

One of my fellow addicts summarized his basic struggles (and my own) in the following manner: “My problem was lust, entitlement, and pride.

Lust: I want it!

Entitlement: I deserve it!

Pride: I can handle it!” (Anonymous)

He went on to say that “having a scare” won’t keep you from acting out in your addiction. Only honesty can do that.

Of course, it isn’t just addicts who struggle with lust, entitlement, and pride. These are human struggles. Addictions are just the usual human struggles on steroids, and those of us who are addicts are not a different species, just a different sub-species of human.

We are all responsible for the things we want. Wants can be encouraged or discouraged. The idea that people’s desires are malleable is behind all advertising. Advertising does not exist to tell us where to get what we need. It exists to tell us what we want, and that these wants are needs.

And, if we want something, surely we must be entitled to it, right?

One of the things for which I’ve never been able to forgive my parents is that they never consulted me to see if I actually wanted to be. I think that being is an important choice. They should have taken my feelings about the matter into their considerations!

If I was not entitled to my choice as to whether to be or not to be (and, as Shakespeare famously said, that is the question), then what else am I entitled to claim as my own? Even life is not possessed, only lived. This is true and has always been true. Covid-19 has simply reminded us of this basic fact.

And then, there is pride, the pretense that “I can handle this.” No, you can’t. Neither can I. The truth is that we do need other people. And I believe that we also—indeed, supremely—need God. That’s true for a baby in arms, for the elderly (which I am now), and for a strong twenty-something person. We may not like it, but it is still true.

So, whether you are an addict or not, I hope that you’ll be honest. It might be a good, daily routine to put in place to begin your day with three basic, honest confessions:

  • I am responsible for my wants, and I don’t really need to have many of them.
  • I am not entitled to anything.
  • I can’t and don’t have to do this alone, whatever the “this” is.

I am not promising that this will be a miracle cure for whatever ails you. I am saying, from my own experience and that of many others, that if you will confess these things and live them out, your life will get gradually better and be enriched in a thousand ways.

Of course, the living out of these confessions is the thing, isn’t it?

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“Leaving out a Crucial Detail”

On July 7, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

‘And Moses said to Aaron, “What did this people do to you that you have brought such a great sin upon them?” And Aaron said, “Let not the anger of my lord burn hot. You know the people, that they are set on evil. For they said to me, ‘Make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.’ So I said to them, ‘Let any who have gold take it off.’ So they gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.”’

(Exodus 32:21–24 The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, https://accordance.bible/link/read/ESVS#Ex._32:21)

I love this story.  It is an incredibly human narrative.  Moses “lollygags” around with God on Mount Sinai, while the people below get ants in their spiritual pants.  The people come to Aaron, the priest, and express their impatience with this slow-poke, Moses.  Aaron reacts immediately, instead of responding thoughtfully.  And voila: The golden calf!

This is not a funny story.  It is deadly serious.  And yet, even deadly serious stories can have some humor in them.  This one certainly does.

When Moses confronts his brother Aaron, Aaron explains—or excuses his behavior.

‘And Aaron said, “Let not the anger of my lord burn hot. You know the people, that they are set on evil. For they said to me, ‘Make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.’ So I said to them, ‘Let any who have gold take it off.’ So they gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.”’

When Aaron is telling the story to Moses, Aaron leaves out a crucial part of the story that the author of Exodus had already told the reader.

“3 So all the people took off the rings of gold that were in their ears and brought them to Aaron. 4 And he received the gold from their hand and fashioned it with a graving tool and made a golden calf. And they said, “These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!” (Exodus 32:3-4, English Standard Version, emphasis mine)

When he speaks to Moses, Aaron leaves out the bit about his use of the engraving tool.  He says, “I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.”

Now, before I, before we, look down our long spiritual noses at Aaron, I/we might want to have a look in the mirror.  When we are explaining why we did what we ought not to have done, or have failed to do what we ought to have done, we all tend to leave out crucial details.  And in those crucial details are the real reasons why we’ve done what we shouldn’t, or not done what we should.

A crucial part of integrity is honesty, and a crucial part of honesty is being completely honest about our own part in what has gone wrong.  It is easy to pretend that something “just happened,” when in fact we happened it.

Healing and transformation can only occur when we acknowledge our own engraving tools.  Details matter—especially the details that relate to our own personal responsibility.

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“SECRETLY INCREDIBLE”

On October 26, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Here was my report and affirmation to my 12-step sponsor the other day:

Dear _____,

Today, my report and affirmation to my 12-step sponsor read as follows: “No violations, other than some passing fantasies.  I didn’t let them pass as quickly as I would have liked, but they did pass.

Today, by God’s grace, I will not complain about anything or anyone.  This includes myself.  Instead, I will be grateful, and will do whatever I can to serve God and others, in order to make this a slightly better world than it is right now.”

My sponsor’s reply was at once an encouragement and a rebuke.  “So, I see a contradiction in your report and your affirmation. You said you did not let them pass as quickly as you would have liked and then you state that you won’t complain about anything. Relish your success.

Be secretly incredible today to tie in to your affirmation.”

I wrote, “Thanks so much for the correction!  You are right.

Thanks also for giving me a wonderful idea for a blog: “Secretly Incredible.’”

So, let me make a list of things about me that stand a chance of being “secretly incredible.”  Of course, since I am posting this, it will be an open secret.  So, here is a not-so-secret list of my current secret incredibles:

  • I am honest about my weaknesses, at least some of the time.
  • I am admitting to others some of my weaknesses, in order that they both hold me accountable and encourage me.
  • I am making positive affirmations, and trying to live by them.
  • I am aware of the danger and yukkiness of complaining, and am seeking to avoid it.
  • I am capable of having my contradictions pointed out without coming unglued.

What are your secret incredibles?  Most of us are aware of our faults and failings.  Are you also aware of what’s right about you?  Sometimes I think we hide all our secrets deep inside, unaware that some of those secrets might be just fine.

 

 

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