Posts Tagged: hurting others

“Learning to Show Concern”

On May 25, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

My nephew and niece are visiting us for a couple of days.  They are raising two little ones (three years and fifteen months), with another on the way.  Three-year-old Jared and fifteen-month-old Jael had a head-on collision today.  Predictably, Jael got the worst of the deal.

My nephew (who is a fine, loving father) is concerned that Jared needs to learn to show concern when the little guy hurts someone.  “He just wants to give his sister a kiss, and say he’s sorry—and then, he’s back to whatever he is doing.  I’m trying to teach him to show concern.”

I think that’s something we all need to learn.  At age sixty-eight, I am still trying to learn how to do that.

It’s tempting to ask, “How can you teach someone to show concern?  Don’t you have to feel it first?”

No, I think my nephew is right.  I suspect that we can learn to show concern.  If I wait around to feel concerned, I may be waiting for a feeling that never comes.  But if I show concern for someone who is hurt (and especially for someone I myself have hurt), the feelings may come.

This explains why kindness can be (and is) commanded in the Bible.  ““Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

(Ephesians 4:32 The Holy Bible, English Standard Version)

https://accordance.bible/link/read/ESVS#Eph._4:32

Notice that the Bible does not say, “Feel kind.”  Rather, it says, “Be kind.”  I’m not sure if being kind is the same thing as showing concern.  But, in any case, I think that they are close relatives.

Who can you show concern for today?  Maybe you could even begin with showing concern for your own better self.  Or, at least, you might try showing some concern for your not-so-better self.  Hey!  You have to begin somewhere.

, , , , ,

Questions to Ask Before I say Anything

On August 14, 2016 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I am probably the only person who struggles with saying hurtful things, even (especially?) when I am trying to say something nice.

I frequently don’t even understand why the other person was hurt.  So, I take refuge in the old dodge, “But I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

That’s a lie sometimes.  There are times when I am trying to hurt the other person, but I’m just trying to do it by a stealth attack.  Whenever I’m sure I’m innocent, I am almost certainly guilty.

And even when it isn’t a lie, it is not helpful.  The question is not, “How did I mean that?”  Rather, the question is, “How might the other person interpret that?”

Admittedly, there are some people who routinely take everything as an insult.  The best thing I can do when I am around such folks is not to be around such folks.

But what can I do to minimize the madness of unnecessary madness?

I can ask myself certain questions before I speak.  Is this true?  Is this kind?  Is it really necessary to say this?  Is this said in the kindest possible manner?  How might the other person take this?

I would be a much slower conversationalist if I asked these questions before I said anything.  I would also do less harm and more good with my tongue.

 

, ,
Follow on Feedly