Posts Tagged: if only

“The ‘If-Only-I-Had’ Game”

On November 24, 2021 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Do you ever play the “If-Only-I-Had (or Hadn’t)” game? I was starting to do that this morning. I caught myself and decided to redirect my thinking by doing some twelve-step readings. Here is one of them.

“”If onlys” are lonely.
  —Morgan Jennings

The circumstances of our lives seldom live up to our expectations or desires. However, in each circumstance we are offered an opportunity for growth or change, a chance for greater understanding of life’s heights and pitfalls. Each time we choose to lament what isn’t, we close the door on the invitation to a better existence.

We simply don’t know just what’s best for us. Our vision is limited. Less so today than yesterday, but limited still. The experiences we are offered will fail to satisfy our expectations because we expect so much less than God has planned for us in the days ahead.

We get what we need, in the way of relationships, adventures, joys and sorrows, today and every day. Celebrating what we get and knowing there is good in it eases whatever trial we are undergoing. We are cared for, right now. We need not lament what we think we need. We do have what we need. We will always get what we need, when we need it.

I will breathe deeply and relax. At this moment my every need is being attended to. My life is unfolding exactly as it should.” (From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.)

“If onlys are lonely.” Yes indeed! The past is haunted for all of us. Some of the ghosts are good memories. Others are not. But all these ghosts are just that—ghosts. And who wants to hang around with things that were once alive but are so no longer? The best thing to do with the past is to learn from it and give it a decent burial.

Yet, I often play the “If only” game, and I always lose. How do I quit playing this losing game of “If-only”? I don’t know. I often write these posts, not to share my insights, but to confess my ignorance. However, even though I am not sure how to handle these “if-only” moments, I do have some suspicions.

Suspicion # 1: Just noticing that I’m tempted to play the game is useful. If I don’t notice that I am about to play a losing game that’s not fun, I will play the game—and lose.

Suspicion # 2: I need to remember that, when I’m playing this losing game, I am not playing a game that might be more useful. And what is that game? Well, it goes by many names. My mom or my wife might call it the “How-Can-I-Bless-Someone-Else-Today” game. That’s a much better game. Everybody wins in that game.

Suspicion # 3: I need to recognize that I am playing the if-only game out of laziness. Preoccupation with the past, whether that preoccupation is nostalgia or regret, is one way of avoiding doing productive work right now. I don’t like lazy people, especially when the lazy people is/are me.

I have that you have a good non-if-only day!

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“God’s If-Onlies”

On May 18, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Psa. 81:10       I am the LORD your God,

                        who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.

                        Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.

Psa. 81:11       “But my people did not listen to my voice;

                        Israel would not submit to me.

12         So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts,

                        to follow their own counsels.

13         Oh, that my people would listen to me,

                        that Israel would walk in my ways!

14         I would soon subdue their enemies

                        and turn my hand against their foes.

15         Those who hate the LORD would cringe toward him,

                        and their fate would last forever.

16         But he would feed you with the finest of the wheat,

                        and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.” (Psalm 81:10-16, English Standard Version)

“If only” are among the saddest words in the English language, really in any language.  The Hebrew equivalent to “if only” (lû)occurs at the beginning of verse 13.

We tend to think that the if-onlies are only a human reality, and that it is especially found among older folks who regret choices they’ve made.  But here, in this psalm, it is God who says, “If only.”  God is regretting, not what God has done, but what God’s people have done—and what they have refused to do.  Apparently, Israel wasn’t the most obedient bunch of people on the planet.  In other words, they were exactly like everyone else on the planet.  They disobeyed the God who had rescued them from slavery in Egypt.  They would not submit to this God.

So, what did God do?  It may have seemed as if he did nothing.  But in fact God punished in the most devastating way possible: God gave his people over to the counsel of their own stubborn hearts (verse 12).

Some people will counsel others to “follow their own hearts.”  There are times when that is appropriate.  Unfortunately, it isn’t a slam dunk.  It depends on which heart a person is following.

You see, we have several hearts.  One of them is our stubborn heart.  I have discovered that when I follow this heart, I’m already in serious trouble and headed for more.

Meanwhile, God was left with his if-onlies.  He was left with his longings to subdue Israel’s enemies, and feed Israel with the finest food.

I believe that God longs to do good for all of us.  It is a sadly unnecessary thing to leave God with only his “If onlies!”

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“EVEN NOW”

On May 18, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Friday, May 18, 2018

I am not a particularly good server at Bob Evans.  I recognize this fact, and acknowledge it.  I’m old and slow and scattered, and I screw up—a lot.

However, I show up, work hard, and try to be kind and attentive to my customers.  I genuinely like customers, and am glad that I can try to serve them.

Last night, I did such a poor job of serving a family of four that the manager comped their entire meal, worthy about $60.00.  I told her she needed to fire me, but she didn’t agree.  The family still left me a $5.00 tip.  I felt as if I should tip them.

My last table, a three-top, were very gracious and patient.  I thanked them, and told them that it had been a rough night.  I had made every mistake that could be made, and even some mistakes that couldn’t be made.

One lady said, “I waited tables when I was about half your age.  I couldn’t even imagine doing it now.”  I have a difficult time imagining doing it myself.

Last night, I came home hurting badly in places I didn’t even know I had.  After a pretty good 6 ½ hours of sleep or so, I feel much better.  Tonight, I go back and try to do it again.  Hopefully, I’ll do better tonight.

Of course, I tend to live my life in a regretful, self-pitying manner.  If only I had done what I should have done as a pastor, if only I had avoided sin, if only I were still a pastor, I wouldn’t have to work so hard at a profession that is not helped by a Ph.D. in theology, if only . . ., if only . . .

But, of course, “if-onlys”  are worse than useless.  They are a kind of anti-confession that merely saps my strength and irritates others.  “If only” is one of the ugliest, most futile expressions in the English/American language.

The Old Testament prophet Joel sets against such “if-onlys” an uncompromisingly direct “even-now.”

“Even now– this is the LORD’s declaration– turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting, weeping, and mourning.” (Joel 2:12, Holman Christian Standard Bible)

Joel had portrayed the devastating judgment upon Judah with the words that suggest either a catastrophic invasion of locusts (if he is speaking literally), or a catastrophic invasion of an army (if he is speaking metaphorically).  In any case, the portrait he paints is quite dark.  The people of Judah are portrayed as starving.

However, Joel also holds out some hope.  “Even now,” Joel writes in 2:12.  It is never too late to repent.  It is never too late to do the next right thing.  It is never too late to hope.  It is never too late to trust God.  It is never too late to love and let myself be loved.

Even now!

In the midst of writing this blog, I just got word that a good twelve-step friend died.  But even now, the living go on living.  Even now, I must decided to live through and for and with God.

Even now.

 

(There is a wonderful sermon entitled “Even Now,” by C.H. Spurgeon, based on Martha and the raising of Lazarus from the dead, at https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/spurgeon_charles/sermons/2249.cfm.)

 

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