Posts Tagged: Karen Casey

“The ‘If-Only-I-Had’ Game”

On November 24, 2021 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Do you ever play the “If-Only-I-Had (or Hadn’t)” game? I was starting to do that this morning. I caught myself and decided to redirect my thinking by doing some twelve-step readings. Here is one of them.

“”If onlys” are lonely.
  —Morgan Jennings

The circumstances of our lives seldom live up to our expectations or desires. However, in each circumstance we are offered an opportunity for growth or change, a chance for greater understanding of life’s heights and pitfalls. Each time we choose to lament what isn’t, we close the door on the invitation to a better existence.

We simply don’t know just what’s best for us. Our vision is limited. Less so today than yesterday, but limited still. The experiences we are offered will fail to satisfy our expectations because we expect so much less than God has planned for us in the days ahead.

We get what we need, in the way of relationships, adventures, joys and sorrows, today and every day. Celebrating what we get and knowing there is good in it eases whatever trial we are undergoing. We are cared for, right now. We need not lament what we think we need. We do have what we need. We will always get what we need, when we need it.

I will breathe deeply and relax. At this moment my every need is being attended to. My life is unfolding exactly as it should.” (From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.)

“If onlys are lonely.” Yes indeed! The past is haunted for all of us. Some of the ghosts are good memories. Others are not. But all these ghosts are just that—ghosts. And who wants to hang around with things that were once alive but are so no longer? The best thing to do with the past is to learn from it and give it a decent burial.

Yet, I often play the “If only” game, and I always lose. How do I quit playing this losing game of “If-only”? I don’t know. I often write these posts, not to share my insights, but to confess my ignorance. However, even though I am not sure how to handle these “if-only” moments, I do have some suspicions.

Suspicion # 1: Just noticing that I’m tempted to play the game is useful. If I don’t notice that I am about to play a losing game that’s not fun, I will play the game—and lose.

Suspicion # 2: I need to remember that, when I’m playing this losing game, I am not playing a game that might be more useful. And what is that game? Well, it goes by many names. My mom or my wife might call it the “How-Can-I-Bless-Someone-Else-Today” game. That’s a much better game. Everybody wins in that game.

Suspicion # 3: I need to recognize that I am playing the if-only game out of laziness. Preoccupation with the past, whether that preoccupation is nostalgia or regret, is one way of avoiding doing productive work right now. I don’t like lazy people, especially when the lazy people is/are me.

I have that you have a good non-if-only day!

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“Winning the Moment”

On May 5, 2020 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

 “Success is taking positive action, nothing more.” (From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey)

A friend of mine trains student athletes. He talks to them about “winning the moment.” His point is that you don’t have to wait until the end of the game to win. You can win three hundred times during the game by winning the moment.

What would winning the moment look like for me today?

  • Avoiding time wasters such as computer games, looking back on the past with either longing or regret, looking to the future with either fear or false hope.
  • Attending to my own recovery from my addiction.
  • Helping others with their recovery.
  • Writing.
  • Learning to write better.
  • Working on book reviews.
  • Taking good care of the house and our little corner of Eden.
  • Taking good care of our little dog.
  • Loving my wife.
  • Not talking too much.
  • Eating wisely.
  • Exercising.
  • Learning a bit more Spanish.

Well, there! My day lies before me. God, let’s win the moments! Let’s also help others to win their moments.

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“The Hardest Someone to Forgive”

On December 10, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Here is part of a 12-step reading from Hazelden Publishing:

“Forgiveness should be an ongoing process. Attention to it daily will ease our relationships with others and encourage greater self-love. First on our list for forgiveness should be ourselves. Daily, we heap recriminations upon ourselves. And our lack of self-love hinders our ability to love others, which in turn affects our treatment of them. We’ve come full circle – and forgiveness is in order. It can free us. It will change our perceptions of life’s events, and it promises greater happiness.

The forgiving heart is magical. My whole life will undergo a dynamic change when I develop a forgiving heart.”  (From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.)

I was especially struck by the words, “First on our list for forgiveness should be ourselves. Daily, we heap recriminations upon ourselves. And our lack of self-love hinders our ability to love others, which in turn affects our treatment of them.”

I struggle with forgiving the man that I was.  I did so many stupid, harmful things to myself and many others.  The fallout from those decisions haunts me and others to this very day.  I will go to my grave grieving over these things.

Or will I?  Grieving is good, if it leads to real repentance and a better, kinder way of living.  But grief is not good, in and of itself.  I am not the man I used to be, no matter what I or anyone else thinks about the matter.

But I still struggle with self-forgiveness.  Partly, this may be caused by the fact that I don’t see self-forgiveness taught in the Bible.  Yes, God forgives.  Sometimes, other people forgive.  I am to forgive others.  Yes, yes, and yes.  But where in the Bible does it say anything about self-forgiveness?

The problem with asking hard questions is that sometimes you get even harder answers.  This was the case when I asked the question about biblical self-forgiveness.

A verse came to mind.  “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Colossians 3:13 | NIV).

I suspect that I am a someone.  I suspect that we are all someones. 

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“Firm Commitment and Dedicated Practice”

On July 21, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Hazelden Publishing has some wonderful readings that are both free and radically helpful.  Here is one of them for today:

“Sunday, July 21

I wake each morning with the thrill of expectation and the joy of being truly alive. And I’m thankful for this day.
  —Angela L. Wozniak

Being open to the day’s offering, all of it, and looking for the positive experiences therein, becomes habit only after a firm commitment and dedicated practice. Today is special for each of us.

These next twenty-four hours will be unlike all others. And we are not the persons we were, even as recently as yesterday. Looking forward to all of the day’s events, with the knowledge that we are in the care of our higher power, in every detail, frees us to make the most of everything that happens.

We have been given the gift of life. We are survivors. The odds against survival in our past make clear we have yet a job to do and are being given the help to do it. Confidence wavers in all of us, but the strength we need will be given to each of us.

In this day that stands before me, I can be certain that I’ll have many chances for growth, for kindness to others, for developing confidence in myself. I will be thoughtful in my actions today. They are special and will be repeated no more.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey.”

I liked this entire reading, but was especially struck by the words, “Being open to the day’s offering, all of it, and looking for the positive experiences therein, becomes habit only after a firm commitment and dedicated practice.”

Firm commitment and dedicated practice: Yes!  That is what it takes.  And it sounds good.  But then, there is the actual commitment and practice.  And how do I know I’m truly committed?  By practice, practice, practice.

In virtually every area of my life, I don’t like practice.  It is hard, boring, and repetitive.  But it is also essential.  A quote that I’ve heard attributed to different musicians (perhaps by the Polish pianist Ignace Paderewski) goes like this:

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“If I don’t practice for one day, I know it.
If I don’t practice for two days, the critics know it.
If I don’t practice for three days, everyone knows it.”

God, help me to practice good stuff today.

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“You Can do Something!”

On July 5, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

A friend of mine was telling me the other day that he hates the saying, “You can be anything you want to be.”  We usually say this to children or young people.  My friend thinks that this is a lie.  I agree.  Where we’re born, whether we’re male or female, born into wealth or poverty, the color of our skin—these things and thousands of others tend to limit our options.

But there is another lie that is equally pernicious: the lie that you can’t do anything worthwhile.  In one of my 12-step readings today, I read the following:

“Being the victim is, or was, uncomfortably familiar to many of us. Perhaps some of us are only now realizing we have choices, that we need not let life happen to us. Becoming responsible to ourselves, choosing behavior, beliefs, friends, activities, that please us, though unfamiliar at first, soon exhilarates us. The more choices we make, the more alive we feel. The more alive we feel, the healthier our choices.” (From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey)

And in my 3-minute retreat this morning, I read these words:

“Turn away from evil and do good;

            seek peace and pursue it.” (Psalm 34:15, English Standard Bible)

The key for all of us is to turn from evil, do good, seek peace, and pursue it.

Yesterday was an incredibly good day for me.  Why?  Because, I turned away from evil—not the evil in the world; only my own evil.  I did some good things.  I sought after and pursued peace, at least for the most part.

There is no reason that I can’t do the same today.  No, I can’t “be anything I want.”  But I can do something good. And if I do some good things, I will also be something good.

And if I seek and pursue peace, then peace might just find and overtake me.

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“The Past and Its Closed Doors”

On February 21, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer


“We move forward, only forward. The doors behind us are closed forever.

Facing what comes to us, with strength, is a gift from this program we share. Letting go of the yesterdays and the last years is another gift offered by this program. And trust that what we face along with what we let go will weave the pattern of our rightful unfolding–that is the ultimate gift given to us by this program.

I need never go back again. I am spared that. My destiny lies in the future. And I can be certain it will bring me all that I desire, and more.”

(From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey)

“Forgetting what lies behind . . .” (Philippians 3:13, The Apostle Paul)

When a door closes behind me—whether it closes quietly, squeaks, or slams—I tend to turn around.  This may be prudent when it comes to literal doors.  It is definitely unwise when it comes to a door in the fabric of time.

Perhaps it would be better for me to think of closed doors as something “I am spared . . . ,” as Casey says.

I was recently watching a bit of a T.V. show (“Timeless” perhaps?) about a team of people and their attempt to thwart bad past events.  I was lost.  Now, I had never watched the show before, and that may have been part of the problem.  Also, I came into this particular episode in the middle of things.  However, I suspect that the main reason I was so lost was simply this: In the story world of “Timeless,” changing the past is a very difficult thing to do.

In truth, changing anything is tricky.  Changing the past, even if it were possible, is the law of unintended consequences on steroids.

In Philippians 3:1-14, the Apostle Paul listed some of the wonderful gifts he had been given, and his accomplishments in his B.C. (“Before Christ”) days.  He then precedes to say that these things are now “rubbish” to him.

And then Paul says one of the wisest, most contradictory things ever said.  He says that he “forgets” what is behind (verse 13).

Now, I will admit that, at first blush, this does not seem wise.  In fact, it sounds completely contradictory.  How can you say that you are forgetting certain things, when you just made an itemized list of those very things?

Studying Hebrew and Greek gave me a new slant on remembering and forgetting.  In both Hebrew (which Paul knew) and in Greek (in which he wrote) the words for “remembering” and “forgetting” can refer to more than our translations suggest.  To “remember” can, and sometimes does, mean “to focus on someone or something.”  To “forget” means “to refuse to focus on someone or something.”

So, what Paul seems to be saying is that he no longer focuses on his past.  Recall, yes.  Focus, no.

The doors in my past, in your past, have closed.  This is not bad news.  In fact, it is profoundly good news.  The present has enough joys, enough sorrows, enough problems, enough opportunities.  I find that, when I really believe that, I can do one of two things.  Either I rejoice in this present moment, or I am able to endure this present problem or sorrow.

And, with the Apostle Paul and with Karen Casey, I can face today and tomorrow with a nice blend of quiet acceptance and eager anticipation.

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