Posts Tagged: loneliness

“Not Alone”

On November 23, 2020 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

No, you are not alone.  I don’t care how alone you think you are or feel you are.  No, you are not alone.

In the “welcome” reading for newcomers to twelve-step groups, we read one four-word sentence to the newcomer that most of them cherish: “You are not alone.”  They cherish and remember these words because addictions make the addict feel horribly, terminally unique. She/he isn’t, but that thought, that feeling, is enough to drive the addict into the not-so-loving arms of despair.

But you don’t have to be an addict to think you’re alone or to feel lonely.  “Normal” people often have the same thoughts and feelings.  And of course, during this time of COVID-19-induced isolation and social distancing, we are all inclined to struggle with our aloneness.

However, I have a question for you.  Haven’t you ever felt alone, even in crowds?  That might suggest that togetherness is more than merely being around other people.  Even when we are with people whom we love and who love us, these feelings of loneliness can settle over our spirits like a grey fog.

Perhaps, then, we could use this feeling of loneliness-with-others in a positive manner by turning it around.  In other words, if we can feel lonely when we’re with people, perhaps we can feel companionated, even when people are not with us geographically.  (Yes, I know: “companionated” is not a real word.  But it ought to be!)

I am a beginner at this, but I am learning to have good relationships with people that I haven’t seen for years, as well as people with whom I come into contact via the phone and the internet.  This morning, I have had a wonderful, encouraging phone conversation with a twelve-step friend.  I just texted with another friend and sent my accountability report and affirmation to my two sponsors.  I had an interesting conversation with my dad, who has been dead for over thirty years.  I don’t think my dad and I understood one another very well when I was growing up.  We get along much better now.

My wife and our little dog are also in my heart.  In fact, I am going to have to ask God for a bigger heart to contain all the ones that I love.

And I am thinking about all of you who are reading this right now.  You also are in mind and heart.  I feel very close to you in this moment.

All of these people—and many more—are in my heart.  You can’t have any better companionship than that!  My life is relationally rich.  I am a multi-billionaire.

I am not alone and neither are you.  Let me say it again, whether or not you’re an addict:

You are not alone!

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“The Some/Son-One Who is With Us”

On June 24, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

A friend of mine, for whom I am an accountability partner, reported that, despite some temptations, he had done well.  My reply was as follows:

“Well done!  Thanks for the update!

I have heard it said, as you have also no doubt, that ‘God had one Son without sin, but no sons without temptation.’  It is good to always remember that Someone (who is also the Sonone/won) is with us at all times.”

I love playing with words, as you can tell from the above.

But this business of not being alone is not play.  Aloneness (or rather, loneliness) is no laughing matter.  Most of us feel lonely at times—even when we’re surrounded by people.

Addicts in particular tend to feel alone.  We frequently struggle with both self-hatred and loneliness.  To be imprisoned in solitary confinement with someone you hate is double punishment.

When an addict attends his/her first meeting, he/she frequently hears the words “You are not alone.”  Addicts hear the stories of others, and realize that perhaps, just maybe, they are not the only ones who struggle.  They are not, as “terminally unique” as they had thought.  And of course in the expression “terminally unique,” the emphasis is on “terminally”—as in terminally sick.

For those of us who are Christians, it is more than knowing that there are other people who share our struggles.  Christians believe that, in Jesus Christ, God took on a human identity, and experienced temptation and struggle just as we do.

Christians also believe that this same Jesus was raised from the dead, has ascended to Heaven, and has sent us the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is Jesus’ personal re-presentative.  That is to say, the Holy Spirit is Jesus’ presence within and among those of us who are believers.

Now, I must confess that most of the time I don’t feel real holy-spirit-y, or Jesus-y.  Most of the time, I feel entirely too me-ish.  However, I refuse to dumb down my beliefs to match what I feel like.

I believe that, even when my wife is out shopping (as she is right now), I am still not alone.  I believe that Someone is with me at all times—Someone who has been tempted, who has struggled, and who always stands ready to help.

Jesus said, just before his ascension to Heaven, “I am with you, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).  Either Jesus was telling me the truth, or my feelings are.  I think I’ll go with Jesus on this one!

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