Posts Tagged: no standards

“High Standards and Great Gentleness”

On June 13, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I have high standards—for other people.

When I drive, I expect everyone else on the road to drive carefully and appropriately.  They should drive not more than five miles over the speed limit (unless, of course, I want to go faster, and there’s no state trouper around).  They should not tailgate me.  They must not text or talk on the phone.  (Was that my phone ringing?  I had better take that call.  I’m expecting an important 12-step call, and I can drive pretty well with my knees on the steering wheel.)

Yes, I have very high standards for other people.  Far too often, I have very high standards for myself as well.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking.  Aren’t high standards a good thing?

My response to that question is terribly unsatisfying.  “It depends.”  Certainly, I want my doctor to have high standards for herself.  And I think she does.

My pastor and my mechanics?  Check!  My students?  Yes indeed!  Myself?  Yes again!

On the other hand, high standards can lead to serious problems.  In fact, high standards can be a problem.  Perhaps an illustration would help.

I am a teacher, and a good one, who wants to become even better.  Nothing wrong with that.

Or is there?  The answer is, “Sometimes, yes, there is something wrong with that.”  There are times when I set such high standards for myself that I over-prepare, and then try to throw everything I have learned at my students.  They get frustrated, I get frustrated, and real learning—and even the desire for real learning—goes out the window.  A lot of what I call “laziness” or “procrastination” is actually a function of my impossibly high standards, that keeps me from finishing my preparation.  I can never prepare enough to meet my standards, so I end up with half-finished lesson plans.

High standards for others can lead to unnecessary frustration, but high standards for myself can really tie me up in knots.  In truth, excessively high standards can lead to lower performance.

So the antidote to impossibly high standards is to have no standards, right?

No.

The antidote to excess in one direction is not excess in the opposite direction.  In driving a car, the best way to keep from going into the right-hand ditch is not oversteering and ending up in the left-hand ditch.  It’s generally best to stay on the road.

But is there a road to avoid the dangers posed by both high standards and no standards?  I believe there is.  It is called “the golden mean.”  It goes back at least to Aristotle’s work, Nicomachean Ethics.  Many philosophies and religions have adopted and adapted it.  (The most relevant name for Christians is Aquinas.)

The basic idea of the golden mean is simple: What we need to be practicing is not extremes, even in virtues.  For example, if a person practices courage, that’s good.  However, if a person goes too far in that direction, it becomes recklessness, which is not good.

So, having standards is good.  But so are gentleness and humility—gentleness and humility with others and even with ourselves.

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