“He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, to him I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and a new name written on the stone which no one knows but he who receives it”  (Revelation 2:17).

I’ve been battling depression of late.  In a sense, this is old news.  I’ve battled depression since I was nine years old.  I didn’t even have a name for it in those days.  Later, I would learn its name and nature only too well.

I’ve made horrible decisions over the years.  And horrible decisions have had horrible consequences for me and for those I have harmed over the years.

So, depressed as I was, I went to church yesterday very reluctantly.  Depression feeds on isolation, and isolation feeds on depression.  Eventually, they consume one another.  In the end, I realize that I am the feast that depression and isolation are having.

Normally, I find church very uplifting.  I didn’t yesterday.  This was not the fault of the pastor.  The sermon was fine.  It wasn’t the worship team’s fault.  They led us in some very uplifting music, which, nevertheless, failed to life me up.  It wasn’t the people’s fault.  They were as kind as ever.

One of the problems with depression is that it feeds on everything.  Depression is an omnivore.  Good sermons, uplifting music, people’s kindness—depression can devour them all and be nourished by them.

The sermon was about forgiveness.  The pastor said many true and helpful things.  I knew that they were true when he said them.  Now, I realize that they were also helpful.

One of the things he said was that, when Jesus said “It is finished,” on the cross, that meant “PAID IN FULL.”  True!

At the end of his good sermon, he challenged us to write down our sins on a piece of paper that looked very much like a check.  (I had to write small, and didn’t have nearly enough time.  I finally just wrote “ETC., ETC. ETC.”)

Then, he asked us to come up to the front of the church, and stamp our “sin list” with a stamp that said “PAID IN FULL.”  I stamped my “check” on both sides.  Then, I took communion.

I still felt awful.  I was on the brink (or over the brink) of tears during the entire service.

The pastor had challenged us not only to receive God’s forgiveness for ourselves, but also to forgive others.  I thought to myself, “I don’t really have anyone to forgive.”  Then, one name came to me—my own.  I dissolved in a puddle of tears, still depressed.

I spoke with the pastor on the way out.  He could see that I was in bad shape, and took me aside into a small lounge.  He listened and prayed.  I did not immediately feel better.  However, his prayer was most assuredly heard.

As my wife and I pulled out of the parking lot, a song by Casting Crowns came on K-Love Radio.  The song is titled, “One Step Away.”  Here are the lyrics:

“What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again
And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away
From the you, you once knew
Now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track
But what if I told you

You’re one step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone
You’re one step away

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone
Mercy says you don’t have to keep running down the road you’re on
Love’s never met a lost cause
Your shame, lay it down
Leave your ghosts in the past ‘cause you know that you can’t go back
But you can turn around
You’ve never been more than

One step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone (not alone)
You’re one step away
You’re one step away

Lay down, lay down your old chains
Come now, and take up your new name
Your best life up ahead now
You’re one step away

Lay down, lay down your old chains
Come now, and take up your new name
Your best life up ahead now
You’re one step away

Lay down, lay down your old chains
Come now, and take up your new name
Your best life up ahead now
You’re one step away

So come on home, come on home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone (you’re not alone)
You’re one step away

Lay down, lay down your old chains
Take up, take up your new name

Lay down, lay down your old chains
Take up, take up your new name

Lay down, lay down your old chains
Come now, take up your new name
Your best life up ahead now
One step away

Lay down, lay down your old chains
Come now, and take up your new name
Your best life up ahead now
You’re just one step away”

(Written by John Mark Hall, Bernie Herms, Matthew West • Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group).

Oh my!

And then, I thought about the fact that we will be given a new name someday by Jesus (Revelation 2:17).  Of course, Jesus gave names to people when he was here on earth two-thousand years ago.  If Jesus is now in Heaven with the Father (who is everywhere at the same time; “omnipresence” is the official word for this), then why couldn’t Jesus give me a new name right now?

I have very rarely felt that I heard the voice of God.  However, this time I am quite certain that I did hear that Voice, the Voice that answered my heart’s cry for a new name.

And the Voice said, “Your name is “FORGIVEN!”

Perhaps that’s your name, too.