DTEB, “Accepting Unacceptable People and Behavior”

I like to think of myself as an accepting, non-judgmental person. But the truth is that I am very non-accepting and judgmental. Here is my report to my twelve-step sponsors this morning, concerning my recovery efforts and results from yesterday:

“Dear ______ and ________,

No violations. No secrets.

Today, by God’s grace, I refuse to keep score on myself or on anyone else.

I did not do well on this one, but I did learn something: I do keep score on myself and everyone else.”

I tried to counter my report concerning yesterday with today’s affirmation:

“Today, by the grace of God and with God’s continual help, I am accepting myself as I am at any moment. I am also accepting, moment by moment, the fact that I can do the next right thing in the moment.”

Being judged is a profoundly uncomfortable business. Judging isn’t easy either, but it’s more fun.

Accepting is not easy either, is it? And accepting is never fun.

The Apostle Paul wrote to two of his churches about this very matter of accepting one another, rather than judging one another. This is quite ironic, because many people think that Paul himself was very judgmental. Perhaps he was, in some ways. But he seems generally to have been deeply skeptical of a non-accepting, judgmental attitude.

“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions.” (Romans 14:1, English Standard Version)

Paul says something similar to the church at Corinth.

“This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 2 Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful. 3 But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. 4 For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. 5 Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.” (1 Corinthians 4:1-5, English Standard Version)

Apparently, Paul (like Jesus) had a simple piece of advice for believers concerning judging: Don’t! Paul didn’t even judge himself! Apparently, the Corinthian Christians had a bad case of comparisonitis. They compared their leaders to each other and decided which ones they really liked. They compared themselves to one another. And what is comparison, other than judging whether others or you yourself measure up to some standard, real or imagined, realistic or idealistic?

Perhaps there is a better word than “accepting” for how we should relate to ourselves and one another. Perhaps “welcome” would be a better one. The Greek word προσλαμβάνεσθε can indeed mean “to welcome.”

A friend of mine gave me a wonderful devotional book, God’s Promises Every Day, by Jack Countryman. My wife read the following devotion for today, May 14, 2021. It speaks to the very character trait with which I am struggling.

“Anyone can claim the love of God. Anyone can have sins forgiven and shortcomings forgotten.” And the brief meditation ends with the following prayer: “Lord, You offer Your salvation to anyone who comes to You. Help me to be as accepting and loving as You.”