Posts Tagged: recovery from addiction

“GETTING IN AND GETTING OUT”

On February 13, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“1 A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem. From the depths of despair, O LORD, I call for your help.  2 Hear my cry, O Lord. Pay attention to my prayer.  3 LORD, if you kept a record of our sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive?  4 But you offer forgiveness, that we might learn to fear you.  5 I am counting on the LORD; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word.  6 I long for the Lord more than sentries long for the dawn, yes, more than sentries long for the dawn.  7 O Israel, hope in the LORD; for with the LORD there is unfailing love. His redemption overflows.  8 He himself will redeem Israel from every kind of sin.” (NLT  Psalm 130)

 

My wife told me about an interesting local story while we were in Florida.  It seems that a little boy climbed into a claw machine to get a stuffed animal.  He figured out how to get in, but getting out was another matter.

Don’t worry!  This story ended well!  The fire department came and rescued the little guy, with no damage to the boy, and only minimal damage to the machine.

And yes, they did give the little guy a stuffed animal.

My wife didn’t think that this was a good idea, and maybe she’s right.  Rewarding bad behavior is not generally a good principle.  However, I figured that it was quite likely that the boy was not too happy being trapped in a claw machine.  Perhaps he had suffered enough.

Perhaps my compassion flowed from my autobiography.  As an addict who is recovering very late in life, I have often figured out ways to get what I wanted.  Of course, there is always a price to be paid.  My price was the loss of a job I had come to love, people I had loved (and still love), shame, regret, self-loathing, and many other unsavory things.

Perhaps the greatest price was simply being trapped.  I couldn’t figure out how to get out.  I needed outside help, but was too proud (or ashamed or frightened??) to ask for it.

Finally, in hopeful desperation, I cried out to God and to other people.  It is much better to be on the outside of the claw machine!

So, what have I learned from being on the inside of a claw machine called addiction?

  • It’s easier—much easier—to get in than it is to get out.
  • You need outside help.
  • No matter what immediate “prize” you may win or think you’re winning, the price is crazy way too high.
, , , , , , , ,

“YOU MIGHT BE AN ADDICT IF . . .”

On September 18, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Increasingly, psychologists and brain researchers are recognizing that addiction is not simply addiction to a substance.  Addiction can also be to a Substance, an Activity, or Person.  Some of these addictions destroy people quickly, and some destroy people slowly.  Some are socially acceptable, and some are not.  However, they all have the same basic characteristics, and follow the same dismally predictable pattern.

In the rest of this post, I will refer to “addiction to a Substance, an Activity, or Person” as ASAP—“addiction to a substance, activity, or person.”  (One of my more benign addictions is to acronyms.)  So, with sincerest apologies to Jeff Foxworthy and his “You might be a redneck if . . .” routine, here are my own observations.

You might have an ASAP if . . .

  • . . . you have to do more and more to feel good;
  • . . . you are feeling less and less good as you do more;
  • . . . you are doing more and more to feel less bad;
  • . . .  you are feeling more and more bad as you do more;
  • . . . you keep doing what you’re doing, even when you don’t want to;
  • . . . your ASAP is consuming more or your time than you would like;
  • . . . your ASAP is crowding out other activities that you used to enjoy;
  • . . . you have to keep what you are doing secret;
  • . . . you say, “Oh, everybody is like this!”
  • . . . and . . .
  • . . . you don’t think you have an ASAP.

Well, hopefully you get the picture.  I’m sure that many other “ifs” could be added.  Pretty dreary, ain’t it?

But here is a recovering ASAP “if list.”  Perhaps this will give you a little hope.  It gives me a lot of hope.

You might be a Recovering ASAP if . . .

  • . . . you have admitted to yourself that you might be an ASAP;
  • . . . you have admitted that you are not in control of your ASAP;

. . . you have cried out to God for help;  (You don’t have to understand or even believe in God a lot.  Just cry out!  That is at least a beginning.  An acquaintance of mine who is (or was?) an atheist commented, “I didn’t believe in God, but I noticed that every time I cried out to God, things got better.”)

  • . . . you have admitted to another human being that you are an ASAP;
  • . . . you hang around with other ASAPs, who have learned a thing or two about how to handle their own ASAP;
  • . . . and . . .
  • . . . you are willing to let the pain in, little by little, rather than trying to medicate it by pursuing your ASAP.

Well, hopefully you get the picture.  I’m sure that many other “ifs” could be added.  Pretty neat stuff, isn’t it?!?

Jeff Foxworthy’s “You-might-be-a-redneck-if” lists are funny—or, at least, I find them funny.  Addictions are not, of course.  They are deadly serious, and seriously deadly.  However, sometimes it is the light touch that is needed with serious topics.  Humor can sometimes sneak in through the cracks when Truth can’t get in with a battering ram.

One of the more helpful comments that I’ve heard in twelve-step meetings is the following: “I’m going to be an addict all my life.  My only choice is whether I’m going to be a practicing addict, or a recovering addict.

What is your choice?

, , , , , , , , ,

THE VITAL IMPORTANCE OF “WE”

On January 10, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

One of the topics this morning in my twelve-step addiction recovery meeting was the importance of “we.”  It is the first word of step 1.  “We admitted that we were powerless . . . and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

One brother in the struggle commented that “we” is not only the first word.  It is also the most important word.

The word “we” is important for a number of reasons.

First, the word “we” is important because it strikes at two of the taproots of addiction: secrecy and isolation.  When we give our bottom lines or give a lead (tell our story), we are placing a dynamite charge at the base of the secret aspect of our addiction.  To change the analogy, I am told that certain bacteria cannot survive in the sunlight.  Neither can active addictions.

The second deep root of addiction is isolation.  If secrecy is our choice to hide our behavior, isolation is our feeling that we are alone in our very existence.  When we come together in meetings, we realize that there are others—many others, in fact—who are very different from us, and yet just like us.  Such togetherness (with accountability, but without judgment) is incredibly healing.

Third, when we come together, we learn from one another.  Those who have had a slip or a relapse teach us that we also are vulnerable, and that we need to be careful rather than complacent.  We learn from the stories of others what has worked for them.  We may try some of their ideas.  Some of the things that worked for them may also work for us.  Some do not.  We have a saying in meetings: “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

Fourth, when people share, we often see ourselves in them.  We hear their rationalizations as to why it is “okay” for them to act out on their addiction, and we suddenly recognize that we have been reasoning in the same non-rational manner.

Fifth, we receive encouragement.  Even the most helpful insights in the world are not enough to keep an addict from being an active addict.  Without encouragement, insights are like my weights: useful, except for the fact that I rarely pick them up.  Encouragement gives us the strength, courage, and hope to make use of the insights we receive in meetings, in conversations with our sponsor, or in informal conversations with other recovering addicts.

Of course, for those of us who are Christ-followers, the word “we” is very important, too.  “Jesus and me!”  Yes, that is very important!  But we also need the motto “Jesus and us!”  As has often been pointed out, the first word in the Lord’s Prayer is “our.”

, , , , ,

“THE NUDGINGS OF GOD AND HEARING THE HOLY SPIRIT”

On August 10, 2016 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

“Today, I am ready for positive change. I will be responsive to inner nudges that move me in that direction.”

The above is from a daily reading I receive.  I customized it for my daily twelve-step affirmation: Today, with God’s help, I am ready for positive change. I will be responsive to inner nudges that move me in that direction.

I also receive a daily “Three-Minute Retreat” from the Jesuits.  It is also very helpful to my recovery and my life.  Interestingly, today’s retreat talked about hearing the Holy Spirit, and was based on John 16:13.  The crafter of this retreat asked a thought-provoking question: “What gets in the way of my hearing the Spirit?”

I immediately thought of external noise.

But then, nudged by God no doubt, I thought of the really noisy noise in my own mind.  That is the real distraction!

So, how do I turn down the volume in my own noisy mind?

Perhaps stilling my body helps still my mind as well.  Of course, the converse is also true.

Then too, breathing deeply tends to help the mental noise to subside.

Listening to some soothing instrumental music (I love harps and flutes!) is good for me as well.

Noticing lovely things quiets my mind and spirit as well.  Today, before I went for my walk, I noticed our beautiful rose-of-Sharon trees, and the bees which were working on them.

Prayer can help.  Obviously, the Serenity Prayer is good.  There is a reason why it is called the Serenity Prayer.  It is not only a prayer for serenity.  It also helps to bring about the serenity for which I pray.

There is also a wonderfully simple (yet profound) prayer that I learned years ago, while I was doing a “Fifty-Day Spiritual Adventure.”  It is simply this: “Calm my spirit, Lord.”

But before any of this can help, I need to do one simple thing: I need to notice the noise.

A noisy mind is like a small child who keeps tugging on his mom’s arm until she pays attention to him.  After he has been heard, he is (sometimes) ready to settle down.

Perhaps this blog is one way of paying attention to my own noisy mind.  It might even help you, my dear and highly valued reader!

When I (and you) desire positive change, we will pay attention to our mental noise.  Maybe then we will be more sensitive to the nudging of God and the voice of the Holy Spirit.

, , ,
Follow on Feedly