Posts Tagged: rejection

“Being Forgiven, Feeling Forgiven, and Other Considerations”

On July 17, 2024 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I have not always lived my life well. In fact, I have done things that have greatly harmed others and myself. These harms are in the distant past now, but they often feel horribly contemporary to me. No doubt, they also feel horribly contemporary to others as well. My children in particular are deeply hurt by my past behavior, even when it did not directly impact them. They will quite likely never forgive.

Over coffee, I was talking about my doubts about my forgivable-ness to a friend of mine this morning. We love one another enough to speak truth into one another. Of course, truth initially hurts, as all truly good things do. My friend said, “I think your children will never forgive you. That may be part of why you don’t believe that God can forgive you.” I didn’t want to hear that, but I know my friend is right.

But then, my friend added two more wisdoms.

“It may be that the consequences of your children’s lack of forgiveness and their rejection of you help you to avoid going back to your old behavior.”

The second wisdom that my friend gave me was this: “There is forgiveness and then there is the feeling of being forgiven. You may not feel forgiven until Heaven.”

And here is my takeaway from a profoundly uncomfortable and healing conversation: If my children’s rejection and my feeling of being unforgiven helps me to avoid lapsing back into old patterns, I am well-contented with such rejection and such feelings. The price of integrity is high, but integrity—at any price—is a bargain. Or, better yet, integrity is a great investment.

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“DAYBREAK”

On August 30, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

It is just before 7:00, and I am already at the university where I teach for a 9:00 a.m. class.  I like to beat the rush hour traffic.  The sun is not up yet, but it is already fairly light out.  I sit on bench.  I can see the downtown section of Cincinnati, the river, the hills of Kentucky.  There is a breeze.  Some roses, some weeds, and some trash are gathered at my feet.  Birds fly over.

I love the early mornings.  However, when you get up at 2:30, 7:00 doesn’t really seem all that early.

And yet, I still struggle with the darkness within.

Darkness comes in many forms.  There is the darkness of my past, of the people I’ve hurt.  There is the darkness of the people who have rejected me.  There are many who seem to believe that I have not changed, that I will never change, that I can’t change.

I think they’re wrong, but I am not sure.  Sometimes, I think that I myself am underselling how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve changed for the better.  At other times . . .

The sun is coming up now over some very large building across the hill.  I need some light for this day, some hope, some peace.

A bird sings.

Zacharias, an aged man with his aged wife Elizabeth, had experienced the darkness of being unable to have a child.  And then, when all hope was gone, they were miraculously given a son.  Zacharias sang a song to his newborn, and the gospel writer Luke wrote it down.  Here is part of the song Zacharias sang to his son:

“76       And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;

                        for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways,

77         to give knowledge of salvation to his people

                        in the forgiveness of their sins,

78         because of the tender mercy of our God,

                        whereby the sunrise shall visit usfrom on high

79         to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,

                        to guide our feet into the way of peace.”

The knowledge of salvation, the forgiveness of sins, the tender mercy of our God, sunrise—that all sounds pretty good.

So, I am listening to the song “God Only Knows” (the version with Dolly Parton), and fighting back the tears.  I’ve already had a good cry this morning, collapsing on the kitchen floor and dissolving in a puddle of tears.  I don’t need to be crying again.  I don’t want to go before my students with red eyes and a sinus headache.

The sun is fighting to rise above the clouds.  I’m going to bet on the sun today.

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“On Hitting a Bump in the Road Instead of a Wall”

On January 4, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I had a very close call on the road last night.

I was coming home from waiting tables at Bob Evans, Kenwood.  It had been raining, and I was coming down Muchmore Road near Plainville.  I guess I took a curve too fast, and the curve very nearly took me.  I lost control of the car, and was headed for a solid stone wall.  If I had hit it, I would almost certainly have been seriously injured.  Even a thirty-mile-per-hour collision with an immovable object is a serious matter when you’re driving a Hyundai Accent.

However, at the last second my wheels hit a large bump that I suppose was the edge of a concrete water diversion channel.  This had two effects: It slowed the car a bit, and (more importantly) threw the car back onto the road.  I drove the car home—slowly.

Sometimes life itself is like that.  We are tooling along, driving too fast for road conditions.  We lose control (or did we ever have control?), and are headed for a serious meeting with a solid wall and maybe a meeting with our Maker.  But something diverts us at the last second.  We hit a bump in the road that slows us down and throws us back on the road.

Perhaps we don’t actually see the wall we were about to hit.  If we don’t, then we may curse the bump in the road.  “Why did I not get that job?!” we ask.  “Why did that person reject me?” we whine.

But it’s the bumps in the road that are often God’s messengers—our guardian angels, if you will—that save us.

So, today I will give thanks for all the bumps in my life.  Who knows?  They may all save me from a fatal crash.

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