Posts Tagged: resentment

“Unwelcome Thoughts: Rent-Free ‘Renters’ or Hostage-Takers?”

On August 29, 2020 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I frequently have thoughts that I do not welcome. I’m probably all alone in this.

Yes, you are right. I am being ironic in my statement about being alone in this regard. If you told me that you never had any thoughts that were not entirely welcome—and if I believed you—I would be strongly tempted to worship you. However, I would be more likely to think that you were lying.

We all have thoughts of various kinds. Some are good; some are not. Some of the thoughts that I sometimes struggle with are lustful thoughts, fearful thoughts, resentful thoughts envying thoughts, self-pitying thoughts—the list goes on and on. These may be passing thoughts, and that is usually no big deal. However, when they overstay their welcome, that is a problem. Sometimes, they even take up residence. That is a huge problem.

A friend of mine sometimes says that he doesn’t want to give rent-free space to certain voices and thoughts. Such non-paying “renters” need to hit the road. There is no government-mandated moratorium on such evictions. In fact, my sponsor advised me that I serve an eviction notice to these unwelcome freeloaders. Yes!

Here is the problem: These unwelcome thoughts may come as guests, but before long, they become hostage-takers. They aren’t content to stay in a closet or the guest bedroom. They commandeer the entire house. They commandeer me.

Prayer helps. Sometimes other people can help. But ultimately, I myself have to evict these thoughts. The sooner the better!

Sometimes I say to certain thoughs out loud, “No, my mind is not for rent! Besides, you don’t have a very good credit rating.”

Of course, these non-paying “renters” will come back, whining that “this time it will be different.” But it never is. I need to say what a woman said to Ray Charles in a song a long time ago: “Hit the road Jack, and don’t ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more!”

, , ,

“The Quest for a Resentment-Free Life”

On May 24, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Love “. . .  is not irritable orresentful;” (1 Corinthians 13:5, English Standard Version)

I am on a quest for a resentment-free life.  So, since the Bible has a frustrating amount of information concerning human tendencies toward self-destruction and other forms of stupidity, I decided to do a word search.

Interestingly, as far as I can tell, the words “resent” and “resentment” don’t occur anywhere in the English Standard Version.  And the word “resentful” occurs only once, in the verse that leads off this post.  However, this verse is in an interesting context, and the Greek word that is translated “resentful” is quite illuminating.

As to context, this word occurs in what is undoubtedly the most famous chapter in all Paul’s letters, Paul’s so-called “Love Chapter.”  This chapter is read at many weddings, but (unfortunately) ignored in many marriages.  1 Corinthians 13 speaks of how vital love is to the Christian life, particularly in the context of the exercise of spiritual gifts in the church (1 Corinthians 12-14).  No doubt, the chapter has a wider application, so it is good to read it at weddings and anywhere else.  Even better than reading it is living it out.

After speaking of how essential love is, Paul speaks of what love does and doesn’t do.  Paul finishes his chapter on love with the fact that the only three things that last are faith, hope, and love.  Though Paul lists love last, he states that love is the greatest of the three.

So much for context.  Now for the word that is translated “resentful” in verse 5.  The Greek word is logizomai.  This word is an ancient accounting word.  It speaks of “keeping a record.”

So, one of the things that love does not do is keeping records.

Now, let me be frank here.  I’m not good at keeping records, at least not on most things.  The other day, someone asked me how many weddings I had performed over my twenty-nine years as a pastor.  I had no idea how many I had done.  (This lack of good book-keeping skills is why my wife is our chief financial officer.)

However, there is one area in which I am a really good accountant—keeping a record of those who have wronged me.  Some of my entries are in bold print with an asterisk beside them.  I even keep records on the times I’ve sabotaged myself.  As if it isn’t enough to resent other people, I have to keep resentment records on myself!  (My record keeping for times when I’ve wronged others is also good, but not as meticulous as my accounting in the other direction.)

I can still remember classmates from my grade school who did me wrong.  Teachers, too.  Employers, church people—the list goes on and on.

And, of course, there is my wife.  I keep really good records on her.  Admittedly, she doesn’t always remember things precisely the way I do, which means she is wrong.  My records are impeccable.

Right.

Perhaps it’s time to retire from the accounting business.  Perhaps I should never have become an accountant in the first place.

, , ,

“JUST MESSENGERS—BUT WHAT A MESSAGE (AND WHAT A SENDER!)”

On March 16, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

My wife had me read out loud John 13 this morning.  (Her women’s Bible study group is working their way through John’s Gospel.)  She had me go back and reread vss. 12-17.

 

“12 After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing?

13 You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am.

14 And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet.

15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.

16 I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message.

17 Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.” (New Living Translation)

 

My wife and I are older than we’ve ever been up to this point.  We often wonder about our significance these days.  Sometimes we take turns doing this.  At such times, the person who isn’t struggling can comfort the other one.  At other times, we are both in the same feelin’-like-we’re-washed-up funk at the same time.  At those times we are in real trouble.

What does this have to do with John 13?  A lot!

John 13:12-17 comes right after John 13:1-11.  Amazing how that works, isn’t it?  So, what was going on in John 13:1-11?

Jesus was busy knowing what was about to take place, but also knowing where he came from and where he was heading for.  So, what did he do with this knowledge?  He washed his disciples’ feet.

That doesn’t sound very dramatic, does it?  It isn’t.  It was a just a nasty task that needed to be done.

It was also a nastily necessary lesson for his disciples.  He wanted them to do the same kinds of things for others, beginning with their fellow disciples.

In the ancient world, it was the old, broken-down servants who were charged with washing guests’ feet before a meal.  I imagine that was because, even these servants could wash feet.  Perhaps these servants were already bent over.  Why not have them bend a little further, and wash some feet?  After all, you can at least scoot around and wash feet when you’re already close to the floor.

Being a used-to-be pastor is not easy.  It is easy to remember how honored you were when you were a pastor.  Resentment and self-pity are continual pitfalls.  (Of course, remembering how honored you were to be God’s messenger involves choosing to forget all the times you were anything but honored.)  My wife mentioned this lack of a sense of being honored, and said, “But the message, and the One who sent us with the message are the main thing, aren’t they?”

I just hate it when my sweetheart hits this close to the truth!

Anybody need their feet washed?

, , , , , , , ,

“Overcoming ______________ (fill in the blank): Breaking the Wizard’s Wand”  

On April 26, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Years ago, a Bible study group that I led was discussing how we tend to let other people define us.  This is especially the case when we are little.  In particular, parents, siblings, school classmates, teachers, and coaches have a huge influence on us.

One of the members of the study group used the analogy of a wizard.  Wizards have wands, with which they can wield a lot of power for good or for ill.  When we are little, we don’t have much (if any) choice about who has power over us.

However, as we mature, we ourselves actually are the ones who give people their wands, although we may not realize that we’ve given them power over us.

Then, this member of the group went on to say something I’ll never forget: “When we are adults, we have the right to demand that a wand be returned to us, if the wizard hasn’t used the wand for our good.”

So, here is what I sometimes do: I visualize a certain person to whom I have given a wand.  If I do not like the way in which they are practicing their wizardry, I visualize myself saying to them, “I need the wand that I gave you back.”

Then, I visualize myself breaking the wand over my knee.

A friend of mine (who is so insightful that he should be doing his own blog) said to me this morning, “Resentment gives other people a lot of control over us.”  Indeed it does!  Perhaps it would be helpful if I broke a wand named “resentment” over my knee.  Resentment is a wand that places me under an evil spell in a hurry.

Above all, as I have said in an earlier blog, I tend to resent myself.  I make a lousy wizard for anyone else.  But I’m not good at being a wizard to myself, either.  Paul said that he didn’t want the Corinthians judging others, and that he himself did not judge even himself (1 Corinthians 4:3).  Perhaps if I stopped judging myself, I would stop having so many resentments against myself.

However, no matter what you want to overcome, whether it is resentment or something else, it may be time that you broke some wizards’ wands.  That is why this post is entitled “Overcoming ____________.”  You fill in the blank.  Whatever evil spell you are under, you have the right to break the wizard’s wand.  Indeed, you have not only the right; indeed, you have the responsibility to do so.

And then there is God.  God is not a wizard.  God does not wield a wand.  Rather, God is a loving heavenly Father, who wants all of us to be free.  I believe that God will help you to identify the evil, controlling wizards in your life.  If you aren’t strong enough to break their wands, rest assured that God is able to do so.

, , , , , , ,

Overcoming Resentment, Part 1

On April 21, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

 I’ve been struggling with resentment here of late.  I’ve been especially resentful toward my own past self, but resentment is like a raging river: it doesn’t respect any banks.  When I allow resentment to build, even resentment toward myself, it will soon be resentment toward everyone and everything.

So, I did what all modern, spiritual people do: I googled resentment!  I typed the question, “What is resentment, and what is wrong with it?”

My first hit was a strike-out.  The title (10 Steps to Letting Go of Resentment | Psychology Today) sounded good, but when I went to https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-therapist-is-in/201103/10-steps-letting-go-resentment, I was informed of the following:

“Access Denied

You are not authorized to access this page.”

I was starting to feel resentment toward Psychology Today,  when I realized that, perhaps this was simply indicating that I really did need some help.  I decided to go to another site.  I’m glad that I did!

I am unabashed Christian, but I go to many sources for help, including to Buddhists.  I just discovered a helpful site: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-powerful-tips-to-reduce-resentment-and-feel-happier/, (accessed 04-20-2017).  The rest of this blog will make more sense if you follow the link, and read the article.  It is simple, yet profound.

So, for the next fourteen days, I plan to actually pray (out loud, as much as possible) for anyone against whom I am inclined to hold resentments.  That would include my own fool self.  I will ask God to give them/me happiness and blessings.

Care to join me?  There’s plenty of room in this anti-resentment coalition.  It isn’t crowded at all!

, , , , , ,
Follow on Feedly