Posts Tagged: resentments

“Clutter”

On June 16, 2024 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Clutter is a huge problem in my life: books and articles that I haven’t read (or have read, but won’t read again), basketball shoes, items in the garage that I have scavenged, but am not using, things of sentimental value that I never look at—the list goes on and on. Why do I hang onto things that just get in the way? Are these things really that important to me?

And then there are the internal things that I hang onto, hopes that have no hope of ever coming to fruition. The hope that I might see my children again is top of mind on this Father’s Day and most other days as well. The regret for how badly I’ve lived my life in the past. Missed opportunities. Resentments toward others.

Clutter has a million different faces, all of them ugly.

But in this moment, I can begin to declutter. In this moment, I can clean my desk. In this moment, I can throw away the cut flowers that I tried to salvage, even though they were over a week old. In this moment, I can celebrate the fact that I have children, even though I will never see their faces again. I can throw regrets into the garbage can where they belong. Today’s joys and pains are enough. So are my tasks for today.

John the Revelator had a vision of Heaven. It is recorded at the end of the Bible in Revelation 21-22. He saw many lovely things there. He didn’t mention seeing clutter.

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“DISAPPOINTMENTS”

On February 19, 2018 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

The following is based on my journal entry from this morning.

Monday, February 19, 2018

Good morning, LORD!

I need to learn how to handle disappointment better.

Disappointments are largely the result of expectations.  I expect too much of myself, others, circumstances, even of God.  I have a friend in my twelve-step group who never tires of reminding us that “an expectation is just a premeditated resentment.”  And I always need to remember that if I hang on to a disappointment, it will most definitely hang on to me.  In a very little while, disappointment will sour into resentment, sure as I’m sitting here.

Actually, I occasionally suspect that disappointments may serve a useful purpose: They can help build character.  Disappointments help me to ask crucial questions.  Is this really something I want and need to do?  How much do I want this?  Am I going about this with the right motivation, attitude and means?

I have heard a saying that sounds like a cliché: “There are no unanswered prayers,  God answers all prayers. ‘No’ and ‘Wait’ are just as much answers as ‘Yes.’”  It may indeed be a cliché.  However, years ago I had a professor who pointed out that, “a cliché is another name for a common truth that we commonly ignore.”   If I had learned nothing else from that professor, that would have been enough!

Perhaps disappointment is God’s way of saying “No,” or “Wait a while.”  Perhaps God has something different that God wants me to do.  Not necessarily better, but better for me.  God’s “no” is often a “yes” that I am not facing up to.

Sometimes, writing things down can be therapeutic.  Attempting to speak the truth helps me to sort out what really is true, as opposed to trying to fit the truth into my own little twisted assumptions.  Who knows?  Reading (and reading this blog post in particular) may also be a way of you dealing with your own resentments.

(For another good blog on this matter of disappointments, have a look at a website I just discovered: https://feelslikehomeblog.com/2013/04/13-bible-verses-to-overcome-disappointment/.)

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“HANDLING DISAPPOINTMENTS”

On December 21, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

I don’t handle disappointments very well.  That means that I don’t handle life very well.

Life, at least as I live it, is inherently disappointing.  (I’m told that death is rather disappointing as well, but that is a subject for another blog post.)

“Life, at least as I live it . . . .”  I suspect that the words in italics are what fuels most, if not all, of my disappointments.  The problem is not life; the problem is me.

Disappointments flow from two sources, which are not two, but one.  One source of disappointments is my expectations of myself.  The other source is my expectations of others.  Did you notice that in both cases, there is the little phrase “my expectations”?

I expect too much of myself and I am disappointed.  I expect too much of others and I am disappointed.

Years ago, I took a course in basic fire safety.  One of the first lessons we learned is that, if you want to put out a fire, you don’t aim at the tip of the flame; you aim at the base of the flame.  If I simply mull over my disappointments, I’m wasting my time.  It is the expectations that feed the flame of disappointment, and need to be doused.

“But don’t we have the right to have some expectations?” I hear someone ask.

My answer would be this: “Yes, we have the right to have some expectations—as long as we are willing to be disappointed.”

There is an old saying that comes to mind.  “Always expect the unexpected.”  That is one of those proverbs that sounds like a contradiction in terms.  Perhaps it is a contradiction in terms.  However, it also encapsulates an important truth: The unexpected (a.k.a. disappointment) is so common that it might as well be expected.  In fact, expecting the unexpected may be the only expectation that is helpful.

Hopes and goals and plans are another matter.  They are important.  However, expectations are a drag.  When I am marinating in my own disappointments, I am not hoping, setting goals, or making plans.  I am just stuck in my disappointments.

And, of course, my disappointments can easily deepen into resentments.  And resentments are real killers.

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