Posts Tagged: self-forgiveness

“The Hardest Someone to Forgive”

On December 10, 2019 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Here is part of a 12-step reading from Hazelden Publishing:

“Forgiveness should be an ongoing process. Attention to it daily will ease our relationships with others and encourage greater self-love. First on our list for forgiveness should be ourselves. Daily, we heap recriminations upon ourselves. And our lack of self-love hinders our ability to love others, which in turn affects our treatment of them. We’ve come full circle – and forgiveness is in order. It can free us. It will change our perceptions of life’s events, and it promises greater happiness.

The forgiving heart is magical. My whole life will undergo a dynamic change when I develop a forgiving heart.”  (From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.)

I was especially struck by the words, “First on our list for forgiveness should be ourselves. Daily, we heap recriminations upon ourselves. And our lack of self-love hinders our ability to love others, which in turn affects our treatment of them.”

I struggle with forgiving the man that I was.  I did so many stupid, harmful things to myself and many others.  The fallout from those decisions haunts me and others to this very day.  I will go to my grave grieving over these things.

Or will I?  Grieving is good, if it leads to real repentance and a better, kinder way of living.  But grief is not good, in and of itself.  I am not the man I used to be, no matter what I or anyone else thinks about the matter.

But I still struggle with self-forgiveness.  Partly, this may be caused by the fact that I don’t see self-forgiveness taught in the Bible.  Yes, God forgives.  Sometimes, other people forgive.  I am to forgive others.  Yes, yes, and yes.  But where in the Bible does it say anything about self-forgiveness?

The problem with asking hard questions is that sometimes you get even harder answers.  This was the case when I asked the question about biblical self-forgiveness.

A verse came to mind.  “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Colossians 3:13 | NIV).

I suspect that I am a someone.  I suspect that we are all someones. 

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Overcoming Resentment, Part 1

On April 21, 2017 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

 I’ve been struggling with resentment here of late.  I’ve been especially resentful toward my own past self, but resentment is like a raging river: it doesn’t respect any banks.  When I allow resentment to build, even resentment toward myself, it will soon be resentment toward everyone and everything.

So, I did what all modern, spiritual people do: I googled resentment!  I typed the question, “What is resentment, and what is wrong with it?”

My first hit was a strike-out.  The title (10 Steps to Letting Go of Resentment | Psychology Today) sounded good, but when I went to https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-therapist-is-in/201103/10-steps-letting-go-resentment, I was informed of the following:

“Access Denied

You are not authorized to access this page.”

I was starting to feel resentment toward Psychology Today,  when I realized that, perhaps this was simply indicating that I really did need some help.  I decided to go to another site.  I’m glad that I did!

I am unabashed Christian, but I go to many sources for help, including to Buddhists.  I just discovered a helpful site: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-powerful-tips-to-reduce-resentment-and-feel-happier/, (accessed 04-20-2017).  The rest of this blog will make more sense if you follow the link, and read the article.  It is simple, yet profound.

So, for the next fourteen days, I plan to actually pray (out loud, as much as possible) for anyone against whom I am inclined to hold resentments.  That would include my own fool self.  I will ask God to give them/me happiness and blessings.

Care to join me?  There’s plenty of room in this anti-resentment coalition.  It isn’t crowded at all!

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