Posts Tagged: the haunted past

“The ‘If-Only-I-Had’ Game”

On November 24, 2021 by Dteb With 0 Comments - down to earth believer

Do you ever play the “If-Only-I-Had (or Hadn’t)” game? I was starting to do that this morning. I caught myself and decided to redirect my thinking by doing some twelve-step readings. Here is one of them.

“”If onlys” are lonely.
  —Morgan Jennings

The circumstances of our lives seldom live up to our expectations or desires. However, in each circumstance we are offered an opportunity for growth or change, a chance for greater understanding of life’s heights and pitfalls. Each time we choose to lament what isn’t, we close the door on the invitation to a better existence.

We simply don’t know just what’s best for us. Our vision is limited. Less so today than yesterday, but limited still. The experiences we are offered will fail to satisfy our expectations because we expect so much less than God has planned for us in the days ahead.

We get what we need, in the way of relationships, adventures, joys and sorrows, today and every day. Celebrating what we get and knowing there is good in it eases whatever trial we are undergoing. We are cared for, right now. We need not lament what we think we need. We do have what we need. We will always get what we need, when we need it.

I will breathe deeply and relax. At this moment my every need is being attended to. My life is unfolding exactly as it should.” (From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.)

“If onlys are lonely.” Yes indeed! The past is haunted for all of us. Some of the ghosts are good memories. Others are not. But all these ghosts are just that—ghosts. And who wants to hang around with things that were once alive but are so no longer? The best thing to do with the past is to learn from it and give it a decent burial.

Yet, I often play the “If only” game, and I always lose. How do I quit playing this losing game of “If-only”? I don’t know. I often write these posts, not to share my insights, but to confess my ignorance. However, even though I am not sure how to handle these “if-only” moments, I do have some suspicions.

Suspicion # 1: Just noticing that I’m tempted to play the game is useful. If I don’t notice that I am about to play a losing game that’s not fun, I will play the game—and lose.

Suspicion # 2: I need to remember that, when I’m playing this losing game, I am not playing a game that might be more useful. And what is that game? Well, it goes by many names. My mom or my wife might call it the “How-Can-I-Bless-Someone-Else-Today” game. That’s a much better game. Everybody wins in that game.

Suspicion # 3: I need to recognize that I am playing the if-only game out of laziness. Preoccupation with the past, whether that preoccupation is nostalgia or regret, is one way of avoiding doing productive work right now. I don’t like lazy people, especially when the lazy people is/are me.

I have that you have a good non-if-only day!

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