A friend of mine, for whom I am an accountability partner, reported that, despite some temptations, he had done well. My reply was as follows:
“Well done! Thanks for the update!
I have heard it said, as you have also no doubt, that ‘God had one Son without sin, but no sons without temptation.’ It is good to always remember that Someone (who is also the Sonone/won) is with us at all times.”
I love playing with words, as you can tell from the above.
But this business of not being alone is not play. Aloneness (or rather, loneliness) is no laughing matter. Most of us feel lonely at times—even when we’re surrounded by people.
Addicts in particular tend to feel alone. We frequently struggle with both self-hatred and loneliness. To be imprisoned in solitary confinement with someone you hate is double punishment.
When an addict attends his/her first meeting, he/she frequently hears the words “You are not alone.” Addicts hear the stories of others, and realize that perhaps, just maybe, they are not the only ones who struggle. They are not, as “terminally unique” as they had thought. And of course in the expression “terminally unique,” the emphasis is on “terminally”—as in terminally sick.
For those of us who are Christians, it is more than knowing that there are other people who share our struggles. Christians believe that, in Jesus Christ, God took on a human identity, and experienced temptation and struggle just as we do.
Christians also believe that this same Jesus was raised from the dead, has ascended to Heaven, and has sent us the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is Jesus’ personal re-presentative. That is to say, the Holy Spirit is Jesus’ presence within and among those of us who are believers.
Now, I must confess that most of the time I don’t feel real holy-spirit-y, or Jesus-y. Most of the time, I feel entirely too me-ish. However, I refuse to dumb down my beliefs to match what I feel like.
I believe that, even when my wife is out shopping (as she is right now), I am still not alone. I believe that Someone is with me at all times—Someone who has been tempted, who has struggled, and who always stands ready to help.
Jesus said, just before his ascension to Heaven, “I am with you, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). Either Jesus was telling me the truth, or my feelings are. I think I’ll go with Jesus on this one!
I met him in a church basement, a few days into my service in The Long War. He was old and grizzled and his face was scarred from many a wound. He was drinking his coffee black, no sugar.
“Come sit down, young soldier,” he growled, somewhere between an invitation and an order.
I sat.
He looked me up and down. We sat in silence. His eyes came to rest on my eyes, looking not so much at, as through. Finally, his voice cut through the silence.
“So, you are new to The Resistance, I see.”
I nodded.
“No scars yet. Don’t worry, son, you’ll have plenty before they dump you in a grave. Likely as not, it’ll be unmarked, and no one will weep.”
He leaned toward me, but his gaze was fixed on my soul still. “Would you like some advice? Who knows? It might keep you out of the grave for a little while.”
I nodded. I was in way over my head, and I knew it. What was I thinking when I decided to rebel? Or was I thinking? But here I was—cold, and lonely, and scared, wondering how long it would be before I was as old and beat up as this warrior.
“I’m only thirty-two,” he said, apparently reading what I had been thinking. What might have passed for a smile faded from his face before it could be positively identified. “Still, I was young not so long ago, like you. And I thought the war would be over by now. I know better now. I know now why they call this “The Long War”.
He sat back, and took a sip of his coffee, and grimaced. “Some fool has let my coffee get cold,” he said. He drank the rest of his coffee in two gulps, and sat the cup down on the table, none too gently.
“And now for the advice,” he said.
“The enemy don’t give a damn about fightin’ fair. The enemy don’t care whether it kills you by night or by day. And the enemy don’t sleep.
“You’ll be alone, and the enemy will stick a knife in your back, or you’ll be with your comrades, and the enemy will pick you out and pick you off.
“Nine times out of ten, you won’t even see the enemy, but rest assured, the enemy is still there.
“You could surrender, you know. You’ll want to do that a thousand times. But remember that the enemy takes no prisoners, except to torture and use for propaganda. And, of course, the enemy will kill you in the end, anyway.
“There will be times when you’ll think it would be best to end it all yourself, choose your own time, your own method. But then you’ll remember that there might be someone who loves you, and that you are part of the Resistance, and you’ll fight on, even when you don’t feel like it, even when you want to die.
“The enemy will turn your family against you, friends will desert you, and you’ll be called a terrorist by people who don’t even want to admit there’s a war. But there’s a war alright. And you’re a soldier now, and you are the battlefield. And remember one thing more.”
Here, he paused to make sure I was with him, and not merely thinking about how to escape this basement, this man, this reality. When he was sure that I was captured, he said,
“And one thing more, you must never forget: You are also the enemy!”
He pushed his chair back from the table to get another cup of coffee.
“And you are also the enemy!”
“Also the enemy!”
“Also the enemy!”
I stumbled out the door to face the darkness, to face the enemy, to face my addiction.
But not alone! Not alone!
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