“Forgiving Those Who Have Hurt Someone You Love”
One of the spiritual disciplines that I find very helpful is the “3-Minute Retreat” put out by Loyola Press. They are very brief (about 3 minutes long!), and very practical. I was especially appreciative of the one today. It was about forgiving others. (You may access it at https://www.loyolapress.com/retreats/forgive-us-our-trespasses-start-retreat, accessed 01-04-2019.)
The Scripture was “Matthew 6:14: If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.”
After the reading, the person who was leading the devotional retreat made the following comments:
“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. We pray this in the prayer that Jesus gave us, the Our Father. These are easy words to recite but not always easy to live by. To be forgiven, we must first forgive. This is not a suggestion; it is a condition for being in right relation with God and others.”
I was especially struck by the final sentence: “This is not a suggestion; it is a condition for being in right relation with God and others.” When we try to turn forgiving into a suggestion, we’ve already taken a fatal step, not fatal to the other person, perhaps. But it most certainly is fatal to us.
And then, the retreat master asked a very simple question: “Against whom am I still holding a grudge?”
At first, I thought to myself, well, I’m not holding a grudge against anybody. I should have moved on right then, but I didn’t. I thought a bit more, and my heart sunk into my tenny runners. There are some folks that, though I love them, have terribly hurt my sweetheart. And, yes, as a matter of fact, I do hold a grudge against them. I do struggle to forgive them.
I try to tell myself that this is okay. After all, it isn’t a grudge against someone who has hurt me. It is a grudge against people who have hurt someone I love. Somehow, that seems less selfish and unforgiving. Perhaps it is even noble!
But a secondary grudge is still a grudge. I don’t think that Jesus ever said, “Forgive others, unless they have hurt someone you love.” I would be glad if someone pointed out a verse where he did say that.
So I will begin the long, difficult process of forgiving those who have hurt someone I love. I have no illusions. This isn’t likely to be quick or easy or pretty. However, with God’s help, I will do this.
And so, I leave you with the prayer that closes out this retreat:
“God of mercy, kindle in me a forgiving spirit. Help me to be compassionate and understanding to those who hurt me.”
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