“THE BLAME GAME OR THE CHANGE GAME?”
Tired of playing the blame game? Me too! Here is part of one of my 12-step readings for today:
“We do not continue to berate ourselves for having this illness, or consider ourselves physically, morally, or spiritually inferior for having contracted it. Blaming ourselves is as useless as blaming someone else. We accept the fact that through no one’s fault we have the disease of compulsive overeating. Then we get on with the business of learning to control this illness with the help of our Higher Power and the OA program.
I blame no one for my illness.” (From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.)
We now live in an internet world in which we can name, and blame and shame to our heart’s content—or perhaps to our heart’s discontent. As an antidote to our previous tendency in spiritual housekeeping (which was the tendency to sweep serious dirt under the rug), this tendency may be both helpful and appropriate.
However, as a long-term solution, naming and blaming and shaming have a serious problem. They do not work. And a solution that doesn’t work is not really a solution, is it?
Naming, blaming, and shaming other people keeps us focused on people we don’t even like. Even worse, it is overwhelmingly likely that we will become like those people that we don’t like. We may even become as hateful as the people we hate.
And naming ourselves with hateful names, and blaming, and shaming ourselves has the same result.
Naming, blaming, and shaming is an easy game to play, but it doesn’t change me. So, it is a game that is set up so that everyone loses.
Instead of the unholy trinity of naming, shaming, and blaming, how about playing a different game entirely? What about playing a much harder game called “the Change Game”? It is a much harder game to play. But it also a lot more fun in the long run.
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