“Redefining Par”
Dean Furness gave his TED talk from a wheelchair. He is paralyzed from the waist down. He had a fundamentally simple point: “Don’t compare yourself to others.”[1]
And yet, nearly every commercial or advertisement you’ve ever seen or heard has the opposite message. “Do compare yourself to others, and you don’t come off well in the comparison. So, you need our service or product!”
“Comparison Syndrome” may not be anybody’s official diagnosis, but it is real. And it is really deadly.
A friend of mine who trains athletes says that, when he goes out to play golf with a young person, he encourages them to decide on what is par for them for a given hole or a course. (If I did that, most par threes would be par fives.) Then, my friend encourages them to try to gradually improve and lower their score.
There is a wonderful story in John’s Gospel that speaks of a meeting between the resurrected Jesus and his disciple Peter. Simon Peter had denied three times that he even knew Jesus. According to John 21, Jesus gave Peter the opportunity to reaffirm his love for Jesus three times.
However, Jesus also warned Peter that following Jesus meant suffering and a loss of freedom. Jesus never sugarcoated anything. And, like most of us who have had an unsettling conversation with someone we have loved and betrayed, Peter tried a very simple tactic: Change the subject! In this case, changing the subject meant comparing himself to another disciple.
“John 21:20 Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” 21 When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” 22 Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” 23 So the saying spread abroad among the brothers that this disciple was not to die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he was not to die, but, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?”
Basically, Jesus is saying, “What happens to this other disciple is none of your business! You, follow me!”
Par is different for every disciple. We need to stop comparing and start following Jesus. That will cut down on our frustration, and it will help us to play the serious game of discipleship a lot better.
[1]You can access Dean’s TED talk at:
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