“What I Get Out of Depression”
A friend who knows that I struggle with depression asked me a very fine, probing question: “What do you get from being depressed?” Really good friends are the ones who ask you the tough questions that you don’t have the courage to ask yourself. This question was a dandy!
Hummm! What do I get out of being depressed? Two things come to mind right away.
First, when I’m depressed, I get some sympathy. One problem with this is that, after a while, even good friends and my wife (who is the best of friends) get weary of catering to my grey moods. Sometimes my depression is a colossal form of selfishness. I am not saying this about your depression, only my own. However, if the shoe fits and all that jazz.
Another problem with the sympathy that I get from others when I’m depressed is a strange phenomenon: When I’m depressed, I can’t metabolize the kindness and sympathy of others. Depression is a kind of Crone’s Disease of the mind and emotions. The more I crave understanding from others, the less good it does me. When I’m depressed, I find myself starving for the very things that those who love me are so desperately feeding me.
A second “benefit” of my depression (and I use the word “benefit” very loosely) is that depression gives me the right to do nothing for myself or for anyone else. Depression thus feeds my laziness. The net effect of doing nothing for myself or for anyone else is, quite predictably, deeper depression.
So, what I really “get” out of depression is . . . more depression! The best thing I can get out of depression is myself.
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