“Not Alone”
No, you are not alone. I don’t care how alone you think you are or feel you are. No, you are not alone.
In the “welcome” reading for newcomers to twelve-step groups, we read one four-word sentence to the newcomer that most of them cherish: “You are not alone.” They cherish and remember these words because addictions make the addict feel horribly, terminally unique. She/he isn’t, but that thought, that feeling, is enough to drive the addict into the not-so-loving arms of despair.
But you don’t have to be an addict to think you’re alone or to feel lonely. “Normal” people often have the same thoughts and feelings. And of course, during this time of COVID-19-induced isolation and social distancing, we are all inclined to struggle with our aloneness.
However, I have a question for you. Haven’t you ever felt alone, even in crowds? That might suggest that togetherness is more than merely being around other people. Even when we are with people whom we love and who love us, these feelings of loneliness can settle over our spirits like a grey fog.
Perhaps, then, we could use this feeling of loneliness-with-others in a positive manner by turning it around. In other words, if we can feel lonely when we’re with people, perhaps we can feel companionated, even when people are not with us geographically. (Yes, I know: “companionated” is not a real word. But it ought to be!)
I am a beginner at this, but I am learning to have good relationships with people that I haven’t seen for years, as well as people with whom I come into contact via the phone and the internet. This morning, I have had a wonderful, encouraging phone conversation with a twelve-step friend. I just texted with another friend and sent my accountability report and affirmation to my two sponsors. I had an interesting conversation with my dad, who has been dead for over thirty years. I don’t think my dad and I understood one another very well when I was growing up. We get along much better now.
My wife and our little dog are also in my heart. In fact, I am going to have to ask God for a bigger heart to contain all the ones that I love.
And I am thinking about all of you who are reading this right now. You also are in mind and heart. I feel very close to you in this moment.
All of these people—and many more—are in my heart. You can’t have any better companionship than that! My life is relationally rich. I am a multi-billionaire.
I am not alone and neither are you. Let me say it again, whether or not you’re an addict:
You are not alone!
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