Opening the Shutters Wide
A comrade in the struggle against addiction gave me a wonderful metaphor today for how to look at our life. One of our topics was sharing our experience, hope, and strength concerning how to move beyond our own limited perceptions of our own selves.
One brother, Frank (not his real name) said, “Sometimes, I think I’m opening the shutters of my mind just a crack, and looking out on reality. But the problem is that I am just seeing all the ways I’ve harmed myself and others.”
We all nodded. Non-addicts sometimes fear that people acknowledge their “addiction” (if there is really even such a thing, according to the very skeptical), in order to excuse their own destructive choices. I would not deny that there are those who use addiction language in that manner. However, what I have experienced—as well as I’ve noticed about my fellow-addicts—is that twelve-step recovery programs generally tend to heighten the realization of the radical, multiple harms we’ve done.
So, our real problem is that we tend to think of ourselves as addicts and nothing else.
. . . Well, back to the comments Frank was making. He wasn’t quite finished. His next contribution brought me up short. Probably did the same for several others. Our nodding heads suddenly became cocked heads as we listened to Frank say something many of us had not thought of. Or perhaps, we had simply forgotten.
“But then, I open the shutters wider, and I see more of the landscape. And what I see is still the evils I’ve done, but I also see a lot of good things I’ve done.”
Of course, my sweet wife has often reminded me of all the good things I’ve done over the years. Some friends have tried to tell me as well.
However, for the past several weeks, I’ve been struggling with a depression deeper than any I’ve experienced for a long time. So, perhaps I was just needier and open to hearing this truth this morning. Suddenly, the shutters of my mind were thrown wide open!
Here is the truth: None of us is a bag of gold. None of us is a total dirt bag. What all of us are is a mixed bag. Humility doesn’t mean opening the shutters only enough to hate ourselves for the very real wrongs we’ve done. Humility is throwing open the shutters wide, and seeing what is really there—everything, the good bad, and the search-me-stuff.
And perhaps, running fast across the landscape, we may see a loving Father, running toward us to rescue all of his scared little adults and children, who are his prodigal children.
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