“How to Handle a Disappointment”
I just found out that I am not going to be presenting a paper at a scholarly conference I am attending virtually. I don’t know exactly what went wrong, but it appears as if something did. The study group of which I was part isn’t even on the program.
Hurt? Yes. Angry? Yes, that too. However, I am proud of the way I’m handling this—at least, so far.
First, I am trying to find out where things went wrong. I am sending some frank (but carefully worded) emails.
Second, I am acknowledging my hurt and angry feelings. Nothing good ever comes from denying what I am feeling. Nothing! I’ve tried it a lot of times, and it never works out well.
Third, I am refusing to medicate my hurt with actions or thoughts that would numb them. Unfortunately, with us addicts, that is always a possibility. I’ve already called my sponsor and a couple of twelve-step friends to acknowledge the pain and the temptation to justify unjustifiable approaches to this pain.
Fourth, I am trying hard not to be nasty. One of my favorite mantras these days is “Don’t be a jerk!” I’ve invested more than enough time and energy in being a jerk over the years.
Fifth, I am remembering what I heard from the Apostle Peter and from the Apostle Andy Stanley (independently, I would add!) just this morning. Humility under God and with people is the key to all happy relationships. Peter says that we are to clothe ourselves with humility. Andy says that we should frequently ask the question, “What would a humble person do in this situation?” Then, we are to do it.
Sixth, I am remembering why I do scholarship in the first place. There are actually several reasons.
- I do scholarship to glorify God.
- I do scholarship because it helps me.
- I do scholarship for the benefit of others.
This paper dealt with a particularly violent event—or series of events—in the Old Testament: the coup of Jehu as recorded in 2 Kings 9-10, which is referenced in a few other places. The violence in the Old Testament is something that keeps some people from even reading the Bible, much less believing in it or in God. Even believers are troubled by it. At least, we should be. I certainly am troubled by this violence.
My paper may not ever be presented, but the study and discipline that went into it were not wasted. My study has helped me to come somewhat to terms with the violence in the Bible. More importantly, it has helped me to come to terms with the violence in me.
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