THE VITAL IMPORTANCE OF “WE”
One of the topics this morning in my twelve-step addiction recovery meeting was the importance of “we.” It is the first word of step 1. “We admitted that we were powerless . . . and that our lives had become unmanageable.”
One brother in the struggle commented that “we” is not only the first word. It is also the most important word.
The word “we” is important for a number of reasons.
First, the word “we” is important because it strikes at two of the taproots of addiction: secrecy and isolation. When we give our bottom lines or give a lead (tell our story), we are placing a dynamite charge at the base of the secret aspect of our addiction. To change the analogy, I am told that certain bacteria cannot survive in the sunlight. Neither can active addictions.
The second deep root of addiction is isolation. If secrecy is our choice to hide our behavior, isolation is our feeling that we are alone in our very existence. When we come together in meetings, we realize that there are others—many others, in fact—who are very different from us, and yet just like us. Such togetherness (with accountability, but without judgment) is incredibly healing.
Third, when we come together, we learn from one another. Those who have had a slip or a relapse teach us that we also are vulnerable, and that we need to be careful rather than complacent. We learn from the stories of others what has worked for them. We may try some of their ideas. Some of the things that worked for them may also work for us. Some do not. We have a saying in meetings: “Take what you like and leave the rest.”
Fourth, when people share, we often see ourselves in them. We hear their rationalizations as to why it is “okay” for them to act out on their addiction, and we suddenly recognize that we have been reasoning in the same non-rational manner.
Fifth, we receive encouragement. Even the most helpful insights in the world are not enough to keep an addict from being an active addict. Without encouragement, insights are like my weights: useful, except for the fact that I rarely pick them up. Encouragement gives us the strength, courage, and hope to make use of the insights we receive in meetings, in conversations with our sponsor, or in informal conversations with other recovering addicts.
Of course, for those of us who are Christ-followers, the word “we” is very important, too. “Jesus and me!” Yes, that is very important! But we also need the motto “Jesus and us!” As has often been pointed out, the first word in the Lord’s Prayer is “our.”
Recent Comments