DTEB, “The Uncomfortable Bothness of Anger”
One of my twelve-step friends said very helpful thing to me the other day. “I know that anger is a huge red flag for me. I also know it’s super normal to get frustrated and angry sometimes. All these new spaces are so full of bothness, and it makes them uncomfortable to be in, but in truth, this too is the easier, softer way. This is the path to growth and joy and freedom.”
I love the word “bothness” even though my spell-checker flags it as not being a word. There are a lot of bothnesses in the world. Anger is a red flag, and anger is also super-normal. In fact, I believe that God gave us the gift of anger. Often, good change and growth are fueled by anger. This is true for both individuals and society. Almost every positive change is provoked by being provoked to anger.
But, as is always the case, good things can go horribly bad. The desire to alleviate pain is a good desire. Such desire can lead to positive changes in our diet and exercise. It is also one of the key components of the opioid addiction crisis.
In Ephesians 4:26, Paul says that we are to be angry and yet not sin. Some translations tone down the radical nature of what Paul is saying. “For example, The New Language Bible: The New Berkley Version translates the verse, “When you are angry, commit no sin . . . .”
However, in the original Greek, the word is in the imperative. The King James Version has it right: “Be ye angry, and sin not . . . .” Anger is not just commended; it is commanded!
But Paul, who was more into bothness than many of us are, follows up with the words “. . . and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.” Anger is so good that it is commanded, but it is so strong that it has a statute of limitations, which is very short indeed.
Instead of either expressing or suppressing our anger, perhaps we need to slow our roll and ask ourselves (and God) some questions.
- Why am I really angry?
- Can I do something positive with this anger?
- If I can do something positive, what is it?
Neither blowing up nor bottling up is the best response to our anger. Recognizing the bothness of anger is exceedingly important. Anger is certainly uncomfortable, but as my friend pointed out, it is indeed “. . . the path to growth and joy and freedom.”
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