“Having Expectations versus Letting Them Have Me”
DTEB, “Having Expectations versus Expectations Having Me”
“An expectation is just another name for a premeditated resentment.” (A comment at a twelve-step meeting.)
A few years ago, I decided to live a year without expectations. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I ran into problems almost immediately.
I stopped at Family Dollar Store (my second favorite store on the planet, Dollar General being my first pick) to get a no-expectations notebook. They didn’t have the rather stodgy, bound journals that I have been used to using for years. All they had was a colorful notebook that looked to me like the sort of composition book an optimistic ten-year-old girl would get.
I suddenly realized that I had been ambushed in the aisle of Family Dollar by my own expectations!
They are everywhere, aren’t they? I expect too much of myself, of other people, of the weather, of the government, of my wife, even of God.
A friend of mine reminded us this morning at a meeting that there is nothing wrong with having expectations. The problem is that we get angry when they are not met.
I suppose that he is right. If I hold my expectations lightly, they may do me no harm at all. However, I’ve noticed that I don’t tend to hold them lightly. I get really clingy. In fact, I’ve noticed that I tend to hang on to them so tightly that expectations begin to hold me. And rest assured of this: Expectations can quickly get a death grip on me.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, kind reader. ”But aren’t some expectations realistic?”
And I would reply, “Yes, it may well be so.” However, while some expectations may be realistic, people are not realistic. So, even realistic expectations may not be met.
Perhaps we can’t avoid expectations. Maybe the best we can do is to hold them very lightly.
Care to join me in “THE YEAR OF HOLDING EXPECTATIONS LIGHTLY”? You can probably get a nice notebook at the store, if you’re not too particular.
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