“LOVE IS NOT A ZERO-SUM GAME”
“One of the teachers of religious law was standing there listening to the debate. He realized that Jesus had answered well, so he asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord.
And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’
The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
The teacher of religious law replied, “Well said, Teacher. You have spoken the truth by saying that there is only one God and no other.
And I know it is important to love him with all my heart and all my understanding and all my strength, and to love my neighbor as myself. This is more important than to offer all of the burnt offerings and sacrifices required in the law.”
Realizing how much the man understood, Jesus said to him, “You are not far from the Kingdom of God.” And after that, no one dared to ask him any more questions.” (Mark 12:28-34.)
Much of life seems to be a zero-sum game: winners and losers, the more of this the less of that. That probably works for many things—at least in the short-run. We’ve set things up that way.
However, in many of the most important aspects of life, zero-sum is not the name of the game. When two people who have been friends for a long time are having a good conversation, who wins and who loses? The same question elicits the same answer when a husband and wife are enjoying a walk along the beach at sunset. Who wins when your little son or daughter or grandchild draws you a picture or says that he or she loves you? You get the point.
And yet, I fall into zero-sum thinking all the time. For example, I was thinking this morning about loving God versus loving people. Did you notice the word “versus” in the preceding sentence? The word “versus” is a zero-sum word.
Jesus pointed out that loving God and loving people is at the center of the Old Testament. And I have almost completely misunderstood what he was saying. I am ashamed to admit it, but I will anyway. The unspoken, unbelieving question that I have been asking in my heart of hearts is this: “How can I love God with everything I’ve gotten, and still love other people?”
In particular, I love my wife so much that I am sometimes afraid that I love her more than I love God. If love is a zero-sum game, then this would be a distinct possibility, and my wife would be an idol.
However, if love is not a zero-sum game, then loving God with everything I am and have and loving my wife as myself becomes exceedingly unproblematic.
As often happens with me, my wrong assumptions lead to false problems.
One other thing: If love is not a zero-sum game, then God can (and does!) love everyone equally. And suddenly, John 3:16 makes sense: “For God so loved the world . . . .”
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