“CULTIVATING MY INNER OBSERVER”
“For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. (Romans 8:16 NLT)”
“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.” (Ephesians 3:16 NTL)
At our twelve-step meeting the other day, we read a brief section from a recovery book that dealt with creating an “inner observer” that is “discerning, honest, and wise.”
I was somewhat familiar with this concept. Some of my familiarity came from reading good books and listening to wise people. However, another source of my familiarity came from a dream that I had.
Sometimes, I have very vivid dreams. At the end of one of these vivid dreams, just before I awoke, I noticed that there was someone standing in the shadows observing everything that was going on. I walked up to him, unable to see his face, and asked, “Who are you?”
He replied, “Who is it who asks?”
And with that, I awoke. I cannot remember the dream at all, but I have been haunted ever since by this mystery man’s question.
I have encountered the idea of a neutral “inner observer” before. In fact, I may have encountered this idea before my dream. That prior encounter may have provided the raw material for that aspect of my dream. That would go far toward explaining the question and the questioner. However, explaining something and understanding something are not the same thing.
My current (and very preliminary) way of understanding my inner observer may be described as follows.
I have several voices in my head. (I realize that talking about “hearing voices” may raise serious issues about my mental health. However, I suspect that it is a well-nigh universal phenomenon among humans.)
One voice I call “The Judge.” He criticizes everything I do. Even when I do well, it is never enough.
Another voice is “The Justifier.” He excuses everything I do. There are always extenuating circumstances in the mind of the justifier.
Then there is my “Inner Observer.” He is the one without a face, the one who tends to answer a question with a question. He is easily ignored. His voice is hard to hear in the midst of the noise I create. He usually tells me the truth, but I don’t always (often?) like the truth.
When I do listen to him, my life goes better. I practiced listening to him on Saturday, and at the end of the day, my wife said, out of the clear blue sky, “I like the way you’ve treated me today.”
This inner voice’s strength and clarity can be nourished from outside by God, by meditation, by good reading, by wise counsel from others. But I have to choose to slow down and listen.
And then there is the little matter of doing what The Voice says!
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