“HANDLING DISAPPOINTMENTS”
I don’t handle disappointments very well. That means that I don’t handle life very well.
Life, at least as I live it, is inherently disappointing. (I’m told that death is rather disappointing as well, but that is a subject for another blog post.)
“Life, at least as I live it . . . .” I suspect that the words in italics are what fuels most, if not all, of my disappointments. The problem is not life; the problem is me.
Disappointments flow from two sources, which are not two, but one. One source of disappointments is my expectations of myself. The other source is my expectations of others. Did you notice that in both cases, there is the little phrase “my expectations”?
I expect too much of myself and I am disappointed. I expect too much of others and I am disappointed.
Years ago, I took a course in basic fire safety. One of the first lessons we learned is that, if you want to put out a fire, you don’t aim at the tip of the flame; you aim at the base of the flame. If I simply mull over my disappointments, I’m wasting my time. It is the expectations that feed the flame of disappointment, and need to be doused.
“But don’t we have the right to have some expectations?” I hear someone ask.
My answer would be this: “Yes, we have the right to have some expectations—as long as we are willing to be disappointed.”
There is an old saying that comes to mind. “Always expect the unexpected.” That is one of those proverbs that sounds like a contradiction in terms. Perhaps it is a contradiction in terms. However, it also encapsulates an important truth: The unexpected (a.k.a. disappointment) is so common that it might as well be expected. In fact, expecting the unexpected may be the only expectation that is helpful.
Hopes and goals and plans are another matter. They are important. However, expectations are a drag. When I am marinating in my own disappointments, I am not hoping, setting goals, or making plans. I am just stuck in my disappointments.
And, of course, my disappointments can easily deepen into resentments. And resentments are real killers.
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